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The Most Useful Mindfulness Technique I Know

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“This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival.” ~Rumi

When people start out with mindfulness, they want to feel better. They want all the worried, angry, or regretful thoughts to pipe down a little and stop making them feel so bad.

That’s great, as far as it goes, and mindfulness can deliver it if you practice consistently. But there’s something even better on offer, and it both is and isn’t about feeling better.

I learned this on an intensive meditation retreat.

There I was, excited to be there and ready to attain states of bliss, …

How to Prevent Your Ego from Running Your Life

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“The ego is not master in its own house.” ~Sigmund Freud

What does that mean? If the ego is not in charge, who is?

Before diving deeper, let me tell you this story.

That Little Voice Again

My jaw tightened, and I couldn’t sit still. Anyone could see that the conversation was heading south. As I was fiddling with my car keys, a little distracted, a very distinct, persistent little voice pushed me to interrupt my sister.

Go ahead. Say it! Make her stop talking!

Like a broken cassette, the words you are wrong kept looping in my …

Miraculous Empath Breakthrough: My Mother’s Cancer Gift

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“Humbleness, forgiveness, clarity, and love are the dynamics of freedom. They are the foundations of authentic power.” ~Gary Zukav

Last July, my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and began chemotherapy. She asked if I could stay and help her through the treatments.

Our relationship had always been strained—she was judgmental of my nomadic lifestyle and often spoke in a way that left me feeling demoralized and degraded. As an empath, this criticism was particularly hard to bear. I would feel an instant shock, like an infusion of toxic poison flowing through my veins, triggering a strong desire to …

How to Find Your Ikigai (and More Purpose and Joy)

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“We all have two lives. The second one starts when we realize that we only have one.” ~Confucius

According to Gettysburg College, the average person will spend 90,000 hours working in their lifetime. For many of us, it seems that the answer to Mary Oliver’s famous question, “What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” is work. So why do so many of us stay in jobs we don’t enjoy?

For three years, I had a job that made me feel restless and disengaged. On paper, it was the right fit. It aligned …

Why I Deprioritized Myself and What I Now Know About Boundaries

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“If you do not have needs, you once did.” ~ Marshall Rosenberg

When I was born, my mother did not want me. In the northern part of India, there is still a very strong preference for having a male child. A female child is often seen as a burden because of the social and economic traditions of patriarchy.

Because of this initial rejection, I became highly sensitive to my parents’ inner worlds. In my deep longing to be loved and accepted, I mastered the subtle art of sensing their needs and feelings, becoming a natural caretaker.

I would come back …

How to Boost Your Self-Esteem: 6 Tips to Like Yourself More

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“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

I have, as I believe many of us do, grappled with the thorny issues of self-esteem for much of my life. But it was only when I became terribly unwell with an autoimmune disease six years ago that I began to see how much low self-esteem was affecting my day-to-day life and my health.

I started to see how focusing on external validation and bending and folding, putting the needs of others ahead of mine, like a reed being dragged back and forth by …

Healing Your Broken Heart After Miscarriage

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“You never arrived in my arms, but you will never leave my heart.” ~Zoe Clark-Coates

If you have experienced a miscarriage, I am so sorry for your loss. I know the pain of pregnancy loss all too well, as I recently experienced a miscarriage at ten weeks pregnant.

It was a complete shock.

I had two healthy previous pregnancies, and everything felt fine—until it wasn’t.

As a mental health professional, I have worked with many women who have experienced miscarriage, and I know the statistics show that one in four will experience pregnancy loss.

With everything I knew

…

5 Ways to Stay Mentally Strong, No Matter What

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“Have a little faith in your ability to handle whatever’s coming down the road. Believe that you have the strength and resourcefulness required to tackle whatever challenges come your way.” ~Lori Deschene

My life is unpredictable.

These days, it feels like I wake up not knowing what obstacles I’m going to be facing or how to manage it all. Is the world getting more challenging, or is it just me?

There doesn’t seem to be a magic carpet ride to rescue me, or any of us for that matter, ready to whisk us off into the sunset for a rendition …

Liminal Space: Where Painful Endings Can Become New Beginnings

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“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.” ~Lao Tzu

Life has a way of pushing us into the unknown, often through experiences that initially seem devastating. These moments of profound loss and confusion, however, can lead to transformative new beginnings. My journey is a testament to this truth, and I want to share some pivotal experiences that illustrate how painful endings can become gateways to new paths.

Years ago, Steve Jobs gave a commencement speech at Stanford University, where he shared three stories from his life, highlighting how it’s only through looking back that we can

…

3 Healthy Love Lessons for Survivors of Trauma and Abuse

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“Maybe it’s time for the fighter to be fought for, the holder to be held, and the lover to be loved.” ~Unknown

Growing up, I had no reference whatsoever for what a healthy relationship looked like. My parents had me as a result of an affair. I was estranged from my father for a decade or so, and I spent my childhood with my mother and my stepfather. And both were far from healthy.

I remember vividly this one day they got into a verbal fight. Things got so heated that he angrily threw her a glass of wine at …

How I Ditched Alcohol (Again) and Lost 30 Pounds

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“Setbacks are simply reminders.” ~Alison Schuh Hawsey

The nightly wine was back. This time with a vengeance.

It began in late October, when I was happily organizing the bathroom of my new home. The phone rang, and everything changed. My beloved friend/soulmate/ex-boyfriend/twin flame was in the hospital. Three days later, he passed over the veil.

This was also the day I began completely giving up on any continuation of clean eating, drinking, and living. That evening, I downed three dirty martinis on an empty stomach after a long spell of not drinking. Throwing up in my driveway was a …

5 Things to Know When an Abusive Parent Dies

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“Family is supposed to be our safe haven. Very often, it’s the place where we find the deepest heartache.” ~Iyanla Vanzant

My brother called me at work on a random Tuesday to say that my mother had suddenly died. Powerful emotions of shock and relief ran through my body, like someone rang a gong right next to me. The war was over.

Like most people with an abusive parent, I had previously wondered how I would feel when my mother died. I was not surprised at the relief, nor that I wasn’t sad.

I did not think about what …

The Problem with Meditating to Become More Productive

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“Stress is caused by being ‘here’ but wanting to be ‘there,’ or being in the present but wanting to be in the future.” ~Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

I started learning yoga and meditation when I was eighteen years old, in the late nineties, in the car garage of one of the few yoga teachers in Puerto Rico. I took to it like a duck to water.

By the time I was twenty-five, I had spent months on Buddhist silent retreats, living in ashrams in the USA, India, and Burma.

Meditative practices and retreats provided me with great moments …

3 Important Things to Remember When People Are Mean

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“Be kind. Be thoughtful. Be genuine. But most of all, be thankful.” ~Unknown

Nobody is spared from being on the receiving end of a mean comment at some point or another. And it’s been said time and time again that allowing a mean person to get under your skin only serves to let them control you. The wiser thing to do is recognize that their comment about you is uninformed and get on with your day.

Still, it’s far easier to know that wisdom than it is to truly feel and live it.

I remember one instance in particular: A …

Embracing Rejection Helped Me Love Dating and Meet My Husband

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“Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being redirected to something better.” ~Steve Maraboli

I think most single people these days dream of meeting someone “in real life.”

The fantasy is that in “the real world” it’ll be easier.

I dated BA and AA. Before apps and after apps.

The sad truth is that technology changed the game whether you’re on apps or not.

The life skill of walking up to someone in a bar and starting a conversation out of thin air has vanished. The ability to be the receiver of that …

A Tool to Help You Love Yourself Unconditionally

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Hi friends! Today, I’m thrilled to share with you a beautiful, healing, and inspiring card deck that I’ve been obsessed with as of late.

Created by Tiny Buddha contributor Rita Loyd, the Unconditional Self-Love Message Card Deck contains fifty colorful art images, each with an accompanying message on how to cultivate unconditional self-love on the back.

At 2.5”x 3.5“, the deck is small enough to carry within a purse or pocket if you’d like to keep these messages close, should you need a little boost of self-love throughout your day. You can …

Healing Anxious Attachment Patterns to Create Space for Love

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“Anxious attachment stems from a deep sense of inner instability where old wounds make people anticipate that they will be abandoned again and again.” ~Jessica Baum

I have recently met the love of my life. Yay!!! He is the person I’ve been imagining for as long as I can remember, hoping and praying that one day I would find him.

It took such a long time that I began to suspect I was delusional for imagining that such a love was possible, and I almost gave up on the idea of him. But now he is here, and we share …

Why You Don’t Need Many Friends to Be Happy

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“Introversion—along with its cousins sensitivity, seriousness, and shyness—is now a second-class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology.” ~Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

I’ll be honest, I don’t have many friends.

And it’s something I’ve always felt a level of shame about.

In fact, I recognize it’s a self-limiting belief I’ve been carrying around since secondary school: I don’t make friends easily or have a big circle; therefore, I’m unworthy or there’s something wrong with me.

That’s not to say I’ve never had friends. I’ve had friends from childhood …

I’m Not Sorry for My Tears: A New Movement

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“Do not apologize for crying. Without this emotion, we are only robots.” ~Elizabeth Gilbert

A few nights ago, I was at a groovy, loud Mexican restaurant with some friends. In between sips of spicy margaritas and bites of chips with guac, I was talking with one of my friends privately about her latest struggles. She was confiding in me that she was still quite emotional about losing her mom.

Although it had been two years, she still found herself crying alone and in front of others when she talked or thought about her mother. She mentioned that the week prior, …

The Big Impact We Don’t Realize We Make Every Day

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“Don’t underestimate the impact your words, actions, and energy have on people. A small act can impact others in bigger ways than you’ll ever know.” ~Kat Quach

One thing we all share is the desire to leave a legacy behind. The desire to show that our life was worth something, that we achieved something, that we were important in some way.

We tend to focus on big achievements and the pursuit of activities that will leave something tangible behind. A charitable contribution, financial assistance for future generations, artwork, statues, monuments, even gravestones. But what if our impact can be felt …