Hey ScottyDye:

I am sorry to read about your situation (and your brother’s) 😔

I noticed that the only person who sometimes leaves the house is your mother (“going out with friends/ boyfriend”) while your grandmother is bed ridden, your brother “never leaves his room” and you “NEVER leave.. NEVER go out and do anything”.

Everything you described points to a depressing household indeed. And seems like you’ve been your grandmother’s caretaker, in practice.

I hope you do leave very soon, just plan ahead a bit, find community resources to help you beyond a homeless shelter. Maybe a shelter that supervisrs communal living and provides emotional support..?

Anita

My friend ended up quitting his job to go back home to take care of his mother. And for the first six months, he hated his situation. Felt he was trapped and could not see any way to end this problem. Later, he saw his teacher. And thru the few hours he spent with his teacher, his view changed. He was looking upon his situation as a burden. After talking with his teacher, he learned that the time he has to spend with this mom was a blessing. His mind set changed. And he saw his situation as an opportunity to spend time giving of himself. Soon, she passed and he mourned her. And so glad he was able to give the time to help his mom.

Now, your situation is not the same. But, maybe the way you are looking at life is making you suffer more. Buddha said it is the second arrow that causes the suffering. The meaning is a person is hit by an arrow. Instead of taking care of the injury, one spends their time complaining and trying to find the reasons for the pain and suffering. That is the second arrow which causes the suffering more about life.

I don’t know what you need in this life. But, if you see it as a nightmare then maybe time to wake up? Of course one doesn’t just make moves without a plan in order to succeed. Job, savings, rent, and food need to be considered. No matter what one thinks, there are things we can not escape as people. Food, shelter and ways to pay for them. Yes, seeing a light and moving toward the direction.

Whatever caused you to fall into this situation should be thought about to keep from falling back. I wish you well and hope things get better for you.

Hi ScottyDye

I hear how tough and frustrating it is. Your situation is not easy. Caring for loved ones with dementia is harrowing even without dealing with other difficult family members. 🩵

It sounds like you are the responsible one. I’d suggest, that you don’t have a responsibility to chip in for other able bodied adults when things are tight. If they skip a meal, they will be okay. You are providing quality care for your grandma of extraordinary worth. Put the money instead towards the electricity and turn on a light.

I understand the desire to leave. But what do you think would happen to your grandma without you there? If you really feel like you can’t continue, maybe test it first for a short period to see what happens.

You will not forgive yourself if her care is compromised. You are a good person, clearly and you’re aware that she cannot fend for herself.

Life is difficult sometimes. There is a cost for doing the right thing. Other family members being butts the cost. And as difficult as they are they did try to look out for you by giving you a place to stay when your mental health was worse.

So I would say do your best to ignore their behaviour. It is nothing to do with you or your worth. 🩵

Does your grandma have a wheelchair? Is it possible to take her for a walk or is she too unstable? 🩵

How was your relationship with your grandmother before her dementia?