Dear Devesh

I hear suffering & the wanting in your post, there are probably several billion people, thinking, feeling & doing the same as you right now & yet it feels that you alone are going thru it.
Like you said you have family & financial commitments, so what changes can you make? You have already realised for your self that some of the things you do to relieve the boredom etc only bring short term relief.
I Have never lived/worked in a city, but when I visit them, I find the amount of buildings claustrophobic, the sheer amount of people in one place, triggers stress, the harsh loud manmade noises jar I could go on & on. How I cope when I have to visit, is by finding quiet green spaces even if it is a small graveyard. I find my people, fellow meditators even if it is a different style to what I am used to. these two things are not financially burdensome & are a good use of any spare time.

It also sounds like you are starting the process of life review/reevaluation, which is no bad thing. What helped me to start was to sit with pen & paper and ask myself “How do I want to live my life?” & just let the thoughts, ideas feelings flow without judgement. Afterwards go for a calming walk then reread and ask your self quietly to each bit “is that true” or “why” so that you can see/feel how each statement truly sits with you. An example would be “I want to make lots of money” reflection “I need x amount a year to support my family ” or your answer might be ” I want a flashy car so that women will be impressed” This may bring you some clarity about your goals & core values. Then you can look at ways to bring them in alignment with each other.

Although the project you are working on is not as exciting as it once was, can you view it differently, ie this project will help other people to…… or i will work diligently rather than begrudgingly so to be of help to my coworkers.

I hope that this will help to uplift your spirits
Roberta

This is the classic reason for suffering or not being satisfied with your life. When a person sees something they want, they desire it. It becomes the focus of their life. Then when they do get that thing, the excitement wanes. They become bored and tired of it quickly. And so the next new thing has to come along.

So, if you can see the situation is similar to yours then maybe you can see the path to freedom from such. A person can be extremely bored with their lives. Then if something happens which disrupts their life, way beyond normal bounds, then they may wish to have that normal life again. If you understand then it isn’t about the situation. it isn’t about your life being boring. It is your attitude towards your life. Some don’t know how good they have it until they lose it.

Of course, you can say this is all BS. And that is fine. People need to experience things for themselves to learn the truth. Some never learn. I wish you luck in your pursuit of happiness and not being bored. If you find the answers then please let the rest of us know.

Hi Devesh Tiwaro

Hmm well, it sounds like you’re choosing to deal with your responsibilities. You can either pretend you don’t want to do that and be upset, or acknowledge that these are your circumstances, your choices and take full responsibility for your decisions. Make peace with it. Look for ways to be happy inside your circumstances instead of wishing for unrealistic things. Maybe stop drinking and speak to someone about your troubles? 🩵

Depression comes when we expect more from life than we have. 🩵

Hi Devesh

Here is a story

Young man leaves his city for another & asks a local “Will I like it here? the local replies with a question “What was your previous city like?” the young man said “boring & I could not find my people” the local replied” well this place wont suit you either.”

Another young man asks the same local the same questions – the young man said in his previous city he helped people & enjoyed life to which the local replied “Then you will enjoy living here too”

Where ever you go you take yourself,

Dear Devesh:

You are welcome 🙂 You said you feel empty inside. Sometimes that emptiness comes from carrying responsibilities that started too early.

In general, many boys in India grow up with a very heavy message: that they must put their own life aside so they can take care of their parents, support the family, and be the “good son.” This message often starts very early, long before a boy understands what freedom or choice even mean.

When a child hears this message again and again, he learns to silence his own needs, dreams, and desires. He learns to erase parts of himself so he can fit the role that is expected of him.

This isn’t because parents are bad. Most parents truly believe they are teaching responsibility, loyalty, and family strength. They often struggle themselves, and they want security for the future. Their intention is love and protection.

But the effect on the child can still be very heavy because when a boy grows up feeling too responsible, too early, he often becomes an adult who feels empty inside — because he never had space to discover who he is.

And when loyalty is tied to being a “good son,” it becomes very hard to speak about this because it feels like betraying the family. So many men stay silent, even when the distress inside them grows.

More about this reality: when a boy is taught that his own wants or desires don’t matter, and that choosing for oneself feels like disloyalty, he stops desiring and stops choosing for himself. Life becomes something that happens to him, not something he chooses or directs.

When a child must obey, sacrifice, or silence himself — the outer life keeps moving, but the inner life stops growing. Over time, the outer life becomes full of activity, responsibilities, achievements, income, relationships, while the inner life stays small, or undeveloped: you are doing things, but you don’t feel connected to them; you are moving forward, but nothing inside moves with you. It feels like being present for others but absent (empty) in yourself.

Inner life needs freedom to grow.

The above is general. Does any of it resonate with you personally, Devesh?

🌿🌿🌿 Anita