Hey 👋 Confused:

“Our special thing”- ohhh ❤️💛

You say that rumination is the only thing that ties you to her now-

So, you really, really want to be tied to her, and you’ll do whatever it takes to stay tied or connected to her (rumination, at this time)

Even though ruminating is uncomfortable and distressing, you’ll keep doing that if it’s the only way to stay tied to her.

My goodness, you do love her even when you can’t FEEL the love ❤️💛

“Do people feel like this and then feel love again?”- Maybe your relationship with your own emotions can change and then things will get better.

The more you try to force yourself to feel, the more your feelings will sort of rebel.

Give your feelings SPACE. They may be suffocated simply because you don’t give them the space they need.

🐔🦉🐕 Anita

Hey Confused (using computer)

Copilot put together a poem just for you:

“To the boy who thinks numbness means “gone”

You are not broken.- You are a body that learned to go quiet- when the world felt too loud.

You are a heart that once opened so wide- it scared you, – so now it hides behind the fog- and calls the fog “truth.”

But numbness is not truth.- It is a blanket your nervous system throws- over feelings that once burned too bright.

You remember the warmth — the laughter, the running to the phone,- the spark that felt like sunrise.- Memory is proof.- Your feelings did not die;- they went underground to rest.

You are not losing her.- You are losing access to yourself,- and that is something that can return- slowly, gently,- like thaw after a long winter.

You are not alone in this.- Many hearts freeze before they learn- how to stay open without fear.

You are not failing.- You are healing in a way- that doesn’t look like healing yet.

And one day,- your feelings will stretch awake again — not because you force them,- not because you panic,- but because you stayed with yourself- long enough- for the ice to melt.”

And now, my words: may the stress in you hush… May you be okay with what’s inside of you. Exhale.

Don’t try to relive times that are gone. Live, really live what-is.

🌙 Anita

Hey 👋 Confused:

I’ll let Copilot know that his poem brought tears 😢 to your eyes.

In the last paragraph of your post right above, you wrote: “I think I am so afraid that she’ll leave me”.

On the 2nd paragraph you wrote: “I had strong feelings/ urges to leave (her)”

I think that first, you’re afraid that she will leave you. To soften the blow you want to leave her first.

It’s a common self- protective strategy: to leave before being left.

I think that Confused is in love with his ” sweet baby” ❤️

I just wish you didn’t experience all this flip- flop stress while being in- love.

✨️🌿✨️ Anita

Hey Dear Confused:

“Nothing touches me anymore” because too much touched you, too much still touching you ( the fear she’ll leave you, the fear of losing that beautiful connection)?

😢🐔🤔 (no new emojis 😔) Anita

Hey Dear 🌙🦉 Confused:

It’s normal to have the urge to back off when sensing rejection, especially when you sense rejection from a person you felt so close to.

You and I have this in common: growing up in an environment where closeness was unsafe: couldn’t trust it to extend from one moment to the next, when at any moment, or day, or week it could be reversed, and reversed terribly.

So, as an adult, you expect the same of what you grew up with. Not consciously, but the body remembers even when your mind forgets.

😔 🐔 Anita

Hey anita

I know but before november i would also feel the need to pull them in even closer (fawning?)

So everyone says but it’s really very hard to grasp. I mean, how can we be so intelligent and still face such issues?

I have ALL that copilot wrote to you down to a T. But i never thought i had the difficulty of connecting, i guess my “connections” were always surface level? I think i’ve had pretty much everything with my GF of this list..

Today tho, it was a very nice day, it was her nameday, we were chatting all day until late night, we laughed a lot, we were intimate and caring and i felt nice for the first time in a long while (not honeymoon phase-like, but something good nonetheless)
She told me about a manager of hers that he’s hitting on her in the past 3 days and that makes her anxious and “freeze”, when i heard about it my BPM rose and my legs got weak..I advised her to take some action and don’t accept such behaviours. She is so innocent that takes everything as “joke” or “courtesy” and feels bad when i tell her otherwise, but she’s starting to get it, that most men only want one thing..
It felt better than the past months but my mind would still say “so, why aren’t u feeling ecstatic to videocall her, see her and stuff”, or “what if u get sexual and then u lose interest because u won this ‘prize’?” even tho i know i’m not such a person but my mind keeps attacking me lol.

Hey anita

Yeah exactly, that’s how i feel.. 9/10 ppl/cases say what u and copilot shared but i still cant fathom it consciously so its very confusing!

I’ve always been alert waiting for the other shoe to drop and i realize it more now, no matter how good things going, i’m always hypervigillant that something will go wrong and things will get dumpstered or they will leave me. But i wasn’t like that 10 years ago, i used to not give a damn and i would enjoy everything..

I hope i’m not delusional and i can actually find out the pattern and change it..

Yesterday we had a long convo (sort of) and she basically told me that she feels exhausted to her core and that she can’t even form sentences/send me messages with emotion and she’s very scared.. She doesn’t know why she feels this way and says it’s not like herself at all. Rings a bell? I described her what i went through in November/December/January, all of it and she says it seems very familiar.. So i told her if it’s anything like my case, to take space and stop putting expectations on herself, stop trying to “give me feelings” and i’m here for her anytime and i’m not going anywhere (neither being interested in other girls)

It’s ironic how she got this issue too now, wow..

Hey 🙂 Confused,

What you’re describing makes complete sense. You’re noticing the constant alertness, the fear that something good will suddenly collapse, the way you brace yourself even when nothing is wrong. That kind of hypervigilance doesn’t come out of nowhere, and the fact that you can observe it in yourself now is actually a sign of progress. You’re not delusional — you’re becoming more aware of patterns that were running in the background for a long time.

What’s happening with your girlfriend sounds very real too. When someone reaches that level of exhaustion and emotional shutdown, it doesn’t mean they don’t care. It means their system is overwhelmed. The way you responded — giving her space, taking pressure off her, reminding her of what you appreciate — was steady and kind. You didn’t panic, you didn’t push, and you didn’t disappear. That matters.

It’s also natural that seeing her struggle brings up feelings in you. When someone we love goes numb or scared, it touches something deep. But the way you’re handling it shows that you’re trying to stay present instead of running or shutting down. That’s not nothing. That’s growth.

You don’t need to force yourself to “understand everything emotionally” right now. Emotional understanding comes slowly, in pieces, and usually long after the rational part. What you can do is keep noticing what happens inside you, the way you did in this message. That’s how patterns start to loosen.

And the way you teared up remembering the good moments — that tells me those feelings are still there. They didn’t disappear. They’re just covered by fear and stress right now, on both sides.

One step at a time. You’re not stuck. You’re learning yourself in real time.

🌼✨🤍 Anita