I know i know, i just constantly feel that something is “missing” or it’s not “enough” and i can’t think of any reason (incompatible, etc) so it’s either i am shutdown in that department or i am chasing the dopamine hits.

I’ve watched many videos of Paulien Timmer on healing the FA and some things she describes for her, are spot on to what i am going through.

Yes it’s the sensation of dopamine and other hormones probably, which i’ve never even thought could drop, that whole thing makes me doubt everything 🙁

U are right, i should build based not on wonderful passing hormones..

Damn today my mind made so many contradicting thoughts.

Yes exactly, like being high for months and then suddenly, boom! everything crashed..

I guess it ends badly 🙁

Hey Roberta, i will check it out tonight, thank you very much 🙂

Hey anita

We ended up watching a movie and in the first 30 minutes i would keep checking in my mind how much i like her, if im bored, etc and i would get uneasy, but i think i let it pass. We ended up video-calling for 7 hours straight. We laughed a lot, we also talked about some stuff and i told her everything about my black & white thinking, about the avoidance when i wanna text her, she said she feels the same.. think i self-sabotaged a little, tried to push her away and i would realize that i was doing it. She also mentioned something about guys from her job sending her follow requests on social and i got a dry mouth when i heard about it. I think it was jealousy reaction.
Damn, she is exactly the kind of girl i would fall for (and i did but where is it now 🙁 ), the humour, the jokes, her laugh, the playfulness of her character. I don’t realize how everything just fly over my head and i can’t feel elated 🙁
I would also be annoyed by the fact that i wasn’t feeling like the last time in the videocall, which i know is not possible but i still hold such high standards.

Yes i am trying to focus on the good things now, like bob ross was saying 🙂

Thank you anita, i enjoy talking to you too 🙂

I am gonna go to bed now though, let’s see what tomorrow brings!

Hey anita

I used to be like that before, many nights before going to sleep i would think of what i have and i would feel grateful and happy. Not anymore though 🙁

Today was a sad day full of ruminating but now i am calmer. How was yours?

That reminds me of a 2pac song!

You are right but the problem with me is i can’t let go of the thoughts, i grab onto them and i analyze them to death. Especially when its for a matter so concerning. I also believe that whatever it is im feeling now, is what im gonna be feeling forever.

Damn, i used to be so romantic, dreaming of finding a girl like her, a connection like that, and now i can’t feel a thing. Life is so unfair 🙁