Yeah i think so too, because the last week i am getting a more distant/tired vibe from her, like i said yesterday, so my mind might be preparing me for abandonment..

Am i though? I have no clue anymore.. i remember going to rides/trips with the motorcycle thinking about her being on my pillion seat, me recording videos to post for her.. that would make me feel so good, that i have a special someone to share those things with, now nothing touches me anymore.. 🙁

Hey anita

I was feeling our connection so special and precious before all that, i could feel it in my bones but now i can only remember it 🙁

Yes but sometimes my mind goes “why do u even do all that, since u dont want her”

Thats what i told the therapist, i think i feel like this is why i do what i do, to not lose my connection to her, but that’s now working well. For example today, i texted her but it felt like an “obligation”, we hadn’t talked for two days but i felt insecure about maybe her losing interest so i straight up asked her, if maybe there’s another guy in the picture or she’s bored and she told me to not say such dumb things and there is noone else, but she’s very exhausted and feels like she can’t give me any energy so she pulls back. Weird that we’re in the same place again, i told her to be herself and stop trying to be “perfect” for me (same thing i should say to me but..)

I remember the days i would shower and run into bed laughing like a baby just to chat with her all night.. for months. Our deep and long convos, the laughs.. I feel nostalgic, i wish i could relive those times 🙁

Idk how to give space to my feelings.. i am afraid i don’t have any feelings and i was anhedonic before her..

Yeah but i didn’t know that, i was assuming that the relationship stays the same as the beginning if things are going well, so that hit me hard. I think mine was something like a depressive episode that triggered all this.

But how can this happen? Do people feel like this and then feel love again?

Hey anita

I read your posts with copilot’s words and i can relate, i think he’s right. I could even relate with Paulien Timmer’s most videos about FA..But it all feels so real, like i truly don’t want her, or i am bored. For example now we text, how our day went, some other info here and there and it feels “dull” and not interesting. But on the other hand, every relationship (especially LDR) gets to this point eventually. The new and shiny energy fades, but my mind didnt go smoothly in this transition, damn. But i can’t consciously feel/recognize what copilot and others say, even if they all say the same thing, fear.

Then there is the low mood-problem in general, i can’t find any joy or motive in my life since November, so it’s normal to not feel it with her either. I feel empty and drained, my spark is gone. Does this have to do with the previous things? I wonder

Oh it’s ok, whenever u can 🙂

Yeah lol, i think yes, that’s the feeling behind that..

Idk if it’s about that, since she told me plenty of times and reassured me that she wants nothing to do with him, even if i wasn’t in the picture she’s done and she never goes back to her past once she leaves. But what else could it be? Maybe my insecurities are not calming down.

Yeah seems like spot on for me.. Even back when things were perfect between us, my mind would sometimes throw random scenarios that we would fight/argue, she would leave me or find someone else and how would i feel, what would i do and for minutes i would get upset/angry and distant (never told her anything about those random thoughts, only until december when we met), but would be fine within 3-5 minutes.
It always made me wonder why i do it. Same thing was happening with my father for example, i saw in my dreams that he passed, i woke up so shook, but then once it went away, it never bothered me again, as if my brain “experienced” it, processed it and now it’s gone, not gonna hurt me again.
It makes sense because after all this crying and grieving that i’ve done for this girl (while we’re still at it) now im numb and thinking of any relationship/future seems “off” to me right now. But i guess all this didn’t work with her, since i got attached anyway.
How do we turn this off and connect again, anita?

Hey anita

U think? I actually feel very not-myself in the past 7 months since that day.. Feels like my normal self is resting/hiding somewhere i dont know.. Thats nice of you thank you 🙂

I find your knowledge and replies fun and profound too 🙂

Haha funny thing is, she told me the other week that she’s more “bound” with the current me, rather than the one i’m claiming i was before November, even tho sometimes she’s missing how spontaneous and affectionate/caring i was towards her, i still am but not to that degree, i wish i was..

Yeah i read about it, how it affects dopamine and reward system, basically jumpstarts them or something. Idk if i should consider that. The psychiatrist had told me that it’s because of my dopamine being too high i get all those thoughts/ruminations/obsessions. But in the last days i think i feel a bit better overall, definitely not the in love feelings like before but calmer and more accepting. Maybe those feelings will not come back again sadly and i have to stay and work on it for the first time in my life.

Haha just use whatever emoji u got saved there.

Oh i was doing that too a lot of the times, i got introduced into pc gaming around 13~ so before that i would do what u did.

Yes she’s a sweetheart 🙂

Yeah i know, i don’t say we will do this no matter what, i wanted this to be more of a get-to-know each other year, maybe some trips around europe and then see if we wanna move in together, but now that i have this issue it’s pretty difficult for me..