I think so too, and it must be what copilot said about attachment styles.. Today we texted for 13-14 hours and i felt really good around evening, i was calling her babe and she liked it and i was excited. Comes night, i get the doubts again haha.

Yes that makes sense too, my brain devaluing the relationship/etc to avoid getting dumped. But sometimes i look at other people and i wonder “do they have an attachment to a SO? how are they maintaining it? Do they miss each other every hour? Do they feel the need to talk with their SO all the time?”

Double posting: I sent my last message before reading your last message. Back later

Hey anita

I understand this process ure describing but because i guess it all happens subconsciously it seems so strange for ur own brain to sabotage ur happiness, but i guess its a protection mechanism 🙁

Yes she’s loving indeed, very caring and considerate, a sweet baby 🙂

The last two days have been nice, we’ve been texting for two days straight, almost like before. We vibe, we get into spicy convos and i like it, but the thoughts are still there and they are so annoying!

For example, she sent me two photos of her and i really can’t find anything not to like on her, she’s so beautiful, her eyes, her lips, her hair, everything! But my mind goes “why are u not feeling head over heels?”

Or something else, she asked me if i would be okay with her attenting latin dance classes with partners (male-female), i told her that i would not feel ok with this and she respected it, said she doesn’t want to make me feel bad not even a little bit. And then i questioned myself “would i really feel jealous or is this an act? am i doing this out of habit?”

She’s such a treasure, an honest and caring woman that shows me so much love and affection however she can.. Yesterday i was seeing some posts about LDR and people saying “nice being in a 3-ppl relationship” and other stuff like this and i laughed and felt lucky that i have her because i said to myself “those posts dont touch me because my girl is amazing and i trust her 100% that she’s not like most people”, and that felt nice, but my mind doubts even that!

U always reply fast, even tho i take brief breaks from forums 🙂

Haha i like how u placed them in alphabetical order. I did call her all that, wow, didn’t even notice i did, they came so effortlessly!

I did yes, i even drew a treasure chest for her (instagram doodle/drawing on chat) with my shitty drawing skills so she sees it and perhaps it makes her day 🙂
I think i do trust her, she’s so open and transparent, always asks if something bothers me and acts according to our values and what will upset me/etc. Thats what i do too, this is why i appreciate her so much 🙂 She still struggling with trust issues tho, but im trying to help her get rid of them.

U are right anita, i guess i am a slave to feelings/intensity/highs (like paulien timmer mentioned in a couple of her videos about FAs and chasing feelings/highs), since my brain learned that intensity & chaos = love, makes sense that i would only be chasing after the highs and the rollercoasters. Really, she has all the things i could ask for and even more, so i will focus on those 100% and learn how to love as a verb, not just as feelings. Today i felt a warmth in my chest when i woke up and read her reaction to my other night’s messages that i sent her 🙂

Not gonna lie, i think escitalopram helps a ton with the thoughts, how fast i dismiss them and how little they affect me. I still get some dark clouds but they dont last long, i usually brush them off and im just on the 8th day, they say u see full benefits during 4-6th week so i am hopeful, but at the same time i am a bit scared like, what if i get used to it and my old self returns?

Hey anita

I dont know if it’s placebo or not since they say it needs 4-6 weeks to see benefits but i definitely feel calmer/more numb (?)

I meant, what if my body get used to the ssris and the old thoughts with intensity and doubts return like before?

Today was not good, there was a misunderstanding and we spent the whole day arguing, now i feel like i dont want her, lol. I guess that’s normal when people argue to feel like this for a little while..

Morning started out great, then she told me some thoughts are annoying her and she feels overwhelmed by life and wants some space from communication for a couple of days to focus on herself, i told her sure. Then one thing led to another and she told me that yesterday (and once more during the last videocall) something i said made her feel like i am hiding her from people (it was because i am too secretive about my personal life) and she felt like i dont want to be seen with her. Then i explained to her but it still consumed energy and focus.. now we feel like we’re on edge even tho we are still texting and she saying she’s over it.

Hey 🙂 Confused:

I’m all for you feeling calmer, so I hope you keep taking the escitalopram 🙏

Oh, you mean what if the escitalopram stops working- a question to ask the psychiatrist. From my experience, the dosage might be increased and/ or a new drug added.

But it’s working right now. Confused tends to imagine the worst possibilities. I relate. I am trying these very days to change my Negative Attitude to===> Positive Attitude and Gratitude.

The negative is that you argued but the positives are that the day started great ✔️✔️✔️ and the argument resolved (she understood that you are not hiding her from people in your life because you’re ashamed of her or have no intentions to make a life with her… right?)

45 minutes in the Gym sounds long enough to me 🤔

Anita

Hey 🙂 Confused:

“I will worry about that if and when it happens” – this is a healthy Confused 👏

“We agreed to be very open because no one wants to hurt the other person”- this is a healthy relationship 🥳

Her not telling you right away when something you said or did (or didn’t) hurt her- that’s very common. But if she’s willing, she can practice a new behavior: telling you within an agreed upon time..?

45 out of 90 minutes in the Gym is exactly 50% less than normal (I was worried I’d have to use a calculator, but you made it easy for me 😁)- which is (🧠 calculating…..) 100% more than no time at all in the Gym ( did I get it right)?

Trying to practice a mindset of Positive Attitude & Gratitude (PAG).

👏🥳🌙🦉 Anita

The thing now is why did i lose the “rush” to videocall tonight with her again? Its so annoying that it lasts only for a brief period of time..