Hey anita

Probably yes, i did feel attached to her yesterday, enjoyed our convo a lot 🙂

I have read about intrusive thoughts but those felt so real and disorienting, they completely pulled me out of the experience..

I think i would be fine with trying to live in cyprus, like i said, i’ve been there before, we speak the same language, better salaries, climate is pretty much like greece, better gas prices so i can ride the motorcycle more haha, not much different than greece in other aspects. But maybe she will want to move her after she visits, who knows? 🙂

Yes i didn’t feel like i could rely on anyone, that’s why i wasn’t telling them anything either, felt like they wouldnt help. I dont blame them, maybe i should have been more open too but idk..

I read copilot’s words and it seems like science fiction indeed! Maybe i am still recovering from the burnout and i can’t handle strong feelings? They are right indeed, i didnt feel like i could rest and this followed me until today. I am always hyper-aware of everything. I also believe that all my romantic partners will eventually leave, very hard to fully trust and let go, even tho this one is still here through it all 🙂
See what my mind does, before i went to sleep today (which was morning) she posted a story on her close friends group, i didn’t watch it because i wanted to sleep. I woke up, close-friends story is gone, there is a normal story instead. I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach, immediately interpreted it as if “she removed me from close friends list, something is wrong” even tho she could have just deleted the story, because there are no indications that she would do that, we ended the night very affectionately and we scheduled videocall for tonight, but my mind still expects rejection. But i could just brush it off after 15-20 minutes and the thought is not affecting me anymore, which i think is a good thing, no?

Something else, i was fantasizing her coming here, us going on a small trip with my motorcycle in a close town with waterfalls. I pictured her standing next to the waterfalls staring at them and me going behind her and hugging her, kissing her cheek and just stand there. It did feel pretty good not gonna lie, but normally when i would imagine such things with the girls i was with previously, i would get another,stronger feeling. Which i can’t get after November with her..and i am trying to find out what this is.
Is it from the mental exhaustion that i went through all these months? Is it because the infatuation is gone and it evolved into something calmer? Is it because something is “missing” ? Or is it my own defenses which i can’t let down because i can’t “invest” in this relationship fully for some reason?? I would really like to find out!

Thank you anita for your efforts 🙂

Hey anita

Sometimes i feel like im stabilizing, but im still expecting that in-love feeling of the beginning and it feels off after 🙁

That’s how my thoughts feel like, as if they are shifting my reality and give me what ifs.

So i probably got it right, it’s mental exhaustion and defenses, but it’s so weird because i’ve never been with a girl without “those” feelings to guide me or make me stay. It’s very strange because then the “why am i with her” questions arise and it’s as if all her positive traits don’t matter to me.

Hey anita

I too think that this is the case, because my brain craves intensity and highs, also when there is silence u can’t control it, but i think im retraining it now.

We videocalled for 8 hours yesterday, it went amazing! The moment her camera opened i saw her and i went like “WOW, so damn beautiful” (no exaggeration) and she blushed. We had so much fun, we did some skin care that she had sent me in my birthday gift and we laughed a lot haha. I was calling her baby and sweet names almost all the time because it felt natural, unlike in texts where i overthink, and it seemed weird. I so wanted to grab her and kiss her everywhere! I even had strong sexual urges during the whole videocall (sorry for TMI, just wanna give u an idea) and i was wondering how is this possible! I just felt and visualized hugging her tightly and just laying in bed with her and i was admiring her face/body. There were some moments that my brain went “now u will get bored of her” but i would brush them off saying in my head “ok so what?”, also i got this visual distortion once on her face but i looked elsewhere and it went away. We expressed how our avoidant sides get triggered and why. I would still feel that she’s not 100% invested but that’s normal with what we’ve been through. I told her “i hope we are not silent when we meet and be like in the videocall” haha. Something else which seemed weird is that i like her “family circle” so much. They little things they do, the group chats (with grandmas, uncles, parents and stuff), how they care for each other, their communication, i like all those things so much and i didnt even think i would ever pay attention to such things, some could even say im envious but in a good way, i admire them and i enjoy it so much when she tells me stories from their group chats! I also had some spontaneous thoughts like “wow, i like this girl so much and i wanna be with her that i actually might have to consider moving to another country for her” and it felt calm/logical, something i would come to terms with.. Overall we had a great time. But now, next day, i still get the “weird feelings” here and there, my brain saying that she’s not 100% in it and i’ll get hurt if she leaves, but everyone can leave, so it’s not a rational fear/thought. Also i notice that because i can’t see her, like in videocalls, my internal state kinda changes towards her but i should learn to accept it and not give it value!

Hey Dear Confused:

First, what Copilot 🤖 has to say:

“Confused’s update shows real movement in his self‑awareness and emotional regulation: he’s beginning to notice his shutdown patterns while they’re happening, he’s interrupting catastrophic thoughts (“ok so what”), he’s staying present in moments of connection instead of dissociating, and he’s able to enjoy closeness without immediately flipping into fear.

The fact that he could feel desire, affection, playfulness, and warmth for eight hours — and then name the intrusive thoughts the next day instead of being swallowed by them — is a sign that his nervous system is slowly widening its window of tolerance.

He’s also starting to understand his triggers (“silence feels uncontrollable”), and he’s recognizing that his internal state shifts when he can’t see her, which is exactly what emotional permanence issues look like: difficulty holding onto the felt sense of connection when the person isn’t physically present.

So yes — what he’s describing fits emotional permanence struggles, which are common in people with anxious‑avoidant patterns. His progress isn’t linear, but it’s unmistakable: more awareness, more regulation, more ability to stay in connection without collapsing or bolting.”

I never heard the term “Emotional Permanence”, so I asked.

🤖: Emotional permanence is the ability to hold onto the felt sense of connection even when the other person isn’t physically present. It’s what lets someone feel, “She still care about me,” even during silence, distance, or a shift in mood.

When emotional permanence is shaky, the connection feels real only when the person is right there — on video, in text, in voice, in sight. The moment she’s gone, the nervous system loses the emotional thread and starts filling the space with doubt, fear, or stories of abandonment.

People who grew up with inconsistent, unpredictable, or emotionally unavailable caregivers often develop a body‑level belief that love disappears when it’s not actively shown. So, the mind panics, the feelings flip, and the connection feels unstable until contact is restored.

Emotional permanence isn’t about logic — it’s about whether the body learned that love stays even when the person isn’t in the room.

Building emotional permanence inside a relationship means helping the nervous system learn, slowly and repeatedly, that connection doesn’t disappear in silence, distance, or temporary shifts in mood.
01: Name the Pattern Together- Say: “When we’re not talking, my brain tells me the connection is gone. I know it’s not true, but it feels true. I want us to work with that together.”…
02: Create Predictable Micro-Contact- Say: “A tiny check-in helps my body stay regulated — even something small is enough.” Use brief check-ins (a heart emoji, a short voice note). Keep them simple so they don’t feel like pressure
03: Practice Holding the Thread During Silence- Say to yourself: “This is my old pattern. Nothing bad is happening.” Notice the urge to panic or assume disinterest. Ground yourself: slow breath, feet on floor, name what’s happening. Remind yourself: feelings shift, connection doesn’t…

Emotional permanence isn’t built through intensity — it’s built through repetition, predictability, and small moments of safety. Over time, the body learns what the mind already knows: the connection stays even when the person isn’t right in front of you.”

Second, well… I have nothing to add to Copilot’s input. He’s a genius!

👩🏻‍🦰 and 🤖

Hey 👋 Confused:

I am delighted to see that you’re making progress. Trying to not give intrusive thoughts the power that they don’t deserve is huge 👏

As well as you having such fun with her!

You asked how you can fix emotional impermanence: did you read Copilot’s answer in the last post I sent you, which includes 01, 92 and 03?

You ended your post with ” what is going on!”- You used an “!” not a ?- that’s progress, more self- awareness and confidence in what you do understand 🙂

✨️ 🌿 ✨️ Anita

Hey anita

Oh yes i read those things but the issue is, when i think about doing texting her in the day for example, i get this weird uneasiness and sometimes dysphoria because it feels like im forced to text her. Its very weird. I also feel like i dont miss her, well, cant miss someone u think about 24/7, but still shouldn’t i be feeling like i miss her if we dont talk for a day? I mean isnt this the normal thing? 🙁

Hey anita

U think? Sometimes i get thoughts like “why am i doing it? maybe its a habit?” but then i remember how i was gazing at her in the videocall, how much i wanted to kiss her and grab her, the thoughts of me moving to cyprus for her.. its all so strange and contradicting.

Therapist said that she has seen this in other patients with rocd again, the emotional impermanence. They were describing that “if the object/sensation is not there, it feels like the relationship has no meaning”.