Hey anita

I think i was the same as u kinda, i was focused more on pc games and such.

Yeah it’s a term that i remembered today, read it months ago.

I know, sometimes it seems unusual to me too, but if u think u’ve found a special person for you, u make effort to get to know them (it’s fun experience too) and eventually u plan on getting together somewhere 🙂
It kinda “Scares” me but idk yet.

Well everything is again, confused in my head haha

Hey anita

Yeah, she told me that telling her all these things while being unfazed/calm must be something worrying/worth looking into. But i think i’ve made peace with all those things, what’s done is done, i can only move on. I dont know if im unaffected tbh, but i feel like i’ve moved on from my past. Not that i forget, it just doesn’t affect me. U think i could be suppressing unknowingly?

Emotional decay sounds about right for my case. Like with this girl when i met her and i couldn’t stop kissing/hugging her, i remember it was amazing and addictive, but i can’t feel it, hence i can’t crave it 🙁

Yes i do that with negative emotions only, until now that i do it with loving emotions too, i figure, wow. My mind is indeed looping constantly 24/7 because i feel that if i don’t do that, i will “forget” about her and move on, weird paradox huh?
But some days i feel like i question even that. So what emotion overwhelmed me and threw the anhedonia upon me?

I relate with fearful avoidant (disorganized attachment) in many videos and cases i’ve read but my mind doubts even that sometimes haha
But i dont know how i dont believe love is stable/safe, since i was living it for almost a year before this happened? (could the convo have triggered it?)

How do i feel the love only? haha.. I remember Paulien Timmer was saying in one of her videos that FAs shutdown one feeling but because u cant suppress only one, u shutdown everything, damn..

Today i was texting with her and in the beginning i was like “why am i even talking to her? i am forcing it” and after a while she asked me about something that i was searching for (she didnt know anything on this topic) and her question/interest seemed so “innocent” and adorable to me that i cried spontaneously and i said in my mind “my sweet baby”. Then gone haha, this is all so weird.. i was also telling the therapist that i was probably waiting for love/relationship to fill my void that pre-existed, so now that the dopamine wore off, it got exposed..I told her that i fear if i find meaning in my life, i don’t want her or anyone by my side then. Maybe it’s all in my mind, a theory though..

Yeah gemini also remembers, they are good AIs 🙂

Haha i dont know if u can do my own emotional work

Hey anita

Yes it doesn’t feel good to me either so i usually tend to disregard it, but maybe that’s not good either.

Copilot is right, because if u express anger and u “win” then u get a sense of reward (perhaps what u said about your mother)

Haha i know like a few of those but it’s no my style. I’m mostly into hip-hop (2pac, nas, etc), vocal trance, some techno and house.

Hey anita

I’ve read all your posts and i have to say that copilot is not wrong in many things.I think this severe anhedonia could have came from me being burnt out after being on the highs for too long. But i can’t say i was enjoying my life before her, it was dull and repetitive. So maybe a functioning depression with some laughs here and there, nothing really to look forward to, nothing excited me to set a goal for it.

Well the thing is, i dont know where my anhedonia comes from and i feel it’s very difficult to find the roots.

Yeah, needing intense feelings to break through makes sense too, because it’s all too dull/numb. But now i want to appreciated and feel love truly 🙁

Haha, i dont know if it was good that i was suppressing for so long, i guess it became a thing because nothing ever really phased me. Maybe i should have been more like you..

Hey anita

Yes it would be like that but mostly now i’m disconnected and numb 🙁

Meh, i rarely enjoy it..angry? No no, almost never

It wasn’t much, just accepting breadcrumbs, coming back and then leaving, then accepting her back only to leave again (only with 1 girl tho), no abuse or anything like that.

I think it’s more like the second one. But the first could also be a possibility. I asked ChatGPT if u can develop depression after having the honeymoon phase ending and it said (without me mentioning anything), that many people experience intense anxiety, rocd and doubts after honeymoon phase because the drop is so intense in their brains, usually due to insecure attachments. It kinda shocked me.