Anita, i read this and it looked interesting to me..

Why “Too Much Love” Leads to Shutdown:
Emotional Burnout: Excessive giving without equal reciprocation leads to a total depletion of emotional resources, forcing a shutdown.
Loss of Identity: Focusing solely on a partner, sacrificing your own needs, priorities, and self-care leads to a, “toxic relationship,” and eventual emotional breakdown.
Fear and Insecurity: Intense insecurity or fear of abandonment can cause individuals to act in controlling or desperate ways, creating a stressful environment where they may eventually shut down as a defense mechanism.
Past Conditioning: Sometimes, people with a history of heartbreak “shut down” their emotions as a way to avoid getting hurt again, resulting in feeling numb or distant.
Smothering vs. Loving: True love focuses on growth, while “too much love” (often a form of, “smothering”) is frequently rooted in selfish desire for validation rather than pure care for the other person.

Signs of Shutting Down:
Emotional Numbness: Feeling disconnected or emotionally flat.
Increased Distance: Becoming distant or avoidant in relationships.
Resentment: Developing resentment towards the partner due to exhaustion.

I wonder if i did some or all of the above

Well, it started on February but it developed deeper around May, but by May to November, yes i would constantly feel amazing/loving towards her, just some moments that my brain created breakup scenarios (without any problem between us) for protection.

I don’t trust my love because i don’t feel any feelings constantly..I have this idea in my mind that i have to miss her all the time, wanting to feel amazing always when talking to her, feel sexual urge, attraction, jealousy and so on..

How do i not trust her to love me? I can’t make that connection in my head..

Damn, last two days the thoughts have been ruthless, like i have nothing for her in me. But today she expressed some concerns of her about us and i felt immediate burning sensation/panic in my body, as if she will leave, but not as intense..

Hmm, i think i felt shame.

Hey anita

Yes i always try to see things logically because i cant make sense otherwise.

Hmm,i think i need alone time and a break? I am not sure..

Hey anita

Is it this though? I am questioning everything haha, here are some thoughts:

Was i myself in this relationship? (i think so, since i’ve been enjoying it so much!)
Is this a shutdown due to fear? Burnout? Depression? Because i remember telling some friends of mine “i feel like i dont want anything and my romantic feelings are off” when i woke up like this.
Am i refusing to accept the truth? If so, how come it happened so suddenly and violently?
Was i using this girl to fill my void?

Today the new therapist also noticed (she’s the third one saying this), that it seemed i was afraid of the deeper connection/intimacy and i am treading on unknown waters (healthier relationship than my past ones), also i realized i’ve never spoken to any of my parents about my feelings, they havent either.

About the med, i took it for 10 days, i am 12 days off, is it really that long of an adjustment?

Its so exhausting, how do i come out of this state?

Hey anita

It’s nice of you that you listed all those things. Truth is ive listened to many of her videos and even though i can relate to many, i still can’t put them to work.

I like the example with the dog but this is a conscious knowledge, the other one feels like it’s something else.

Today has been a really shitty day. I feel so low energy and mood-wise and i feel no love inside of me. No sadness, nothing. I wonder if i did good stopping escitalopram 10 days ago..

Ive read about what youre saying everywhere but my mind still can’t make those connections because we think with our conscious part, so it seems very weird to me.