Hey anita

Yes i always try to see things logically because i cant make sense otherwise.

Hmm,i think i need alone time and a break? I am not sure..

Hey anita

Is it this though? I am questioning everything haha, here are some thoughts:

Was i myself in this relationship? (i think so, since i’ve been enjoying it so much!)
Is this a shutdown due to fear? Burnout? Depression? Because i remember telling some friends of mine “i feel like i dont want anything and my romantic feelings are off” when i woke up like this.
Am i refusing to accept the truth? If so, how come it happened so suddenly and violently?
Was i using this girl to fill my void?

Today the new therapist also noticed (she’s the third one saying this), that it seemed i was afraid of the deeper connection/intimacy and i am treading on unknown waters (healthier relationship than my past ones), also i realized i’ve never spoken to any of my parents about my feelings, they havent either.

About the med, i took it for 10 days, i am 12 days off, is it really that long of an adjustment?

Its so exhausting, how do i come out of this state?

Hey anita

It’s nice of you that you listed all those things. Truth is ive listened to many of her videos and even though i can relate to many, i still can’t put them to work.

I like the example with the dog but this is a conscious knowledge, the other one feels like it’s something else.

Today has been a really shitty day. I feel so low energy and mood-wise and i feel no love inside of me. No sadness, nothing. I wonder if i did good stopping escitalopram 10 days ago..

Ive read about what youre saying everywhere but my mind still can’t make those connections because we think with our conscious part, so it seems very weird to me.

Also, i feel so bad that she gets me gifts (almost to the point of me wanting to bolt!) but i am totally fine and enjoy getting her gifts.
Go figure

Haha its like a danger protocol.

I wish it happens, even though it feels impossible to even imagine it at the moment.

I feel like a fraud, she is wonderful, sent me a birthday present, wants us to have date night- videocalls and is excited about it. As i would be before all this, but now i feel nothing, no joy, spark, excitement or enjoyment,i feel like i’m taking advantage of her and i should let her go and find someone that can love her, not the mess that i am right now, i cry a lot when i think like that 🙁

I guess i am but never knew.. 🙁

Yes unfortunately we cant tell ourselves how to feel 🙁

Haha i like your analogies. I have to drop the expectations yes, but its like u tasted something good and now u want it back so its difficult.

Do i? I cant trust myself anymore. I mean, spending 9 hours in call with her easily and laughing a lot, discussing things, the old me would see that as a really good sign, but now? Its just not “enough” for me, ugh 🙁