Hey 👋 Confused:

💯 charged now!

Well, you felt more than you could handle so you shut down emotionally, similar to eating more than a person can handle and the esophagus shuts down (and therefore, some extra food can’t go down and it’s expelled)

“Shouldn’t I be missing her?… checking (for her) messages every 10 minutes”-

What motivated you to check for her messages every 10 minutes?

🍕 🙏 🤢 Anita

Hey anita

I never thought that this was possible in romantic feelings, to feel more than u can handle and shutdown!

Hmm, i think it was somewhat of a “reassurance” ? To see if she leaves me or if everything is ok?

Today we had a convo and she told me that she feels uneasy and bad because i am causing her uncertainty and i felt like i have to end it right there and then because it’s not fair for her 🙁 (i didn’t but now that’s all i think about)

Yeah that was definitely closer to reassurance seeking.

I think she’s looking for the certainty i was providing her with before november, my actions,my words of affection, my presence. Which are something i can’t fully give to her right now and idk when ill recover, so that creates a feeling of aversion/avoidance within me right now but im trying to remember he positive aspects 🙂

Yes i did that and i told her that she shouldnt try to make “plans” without us having even lived together for some time and she said that maybe she should be more down to earth and take a step back, but idk what she means by that..

To tell you the truth, Confused, if I was her, at her age, and I heard my love-interest say to me: ‘you shouldn’t make plans without us having lived together for a while’ (which is what you told her), I would bail, I would give up on you because I wouldn’t want to be on a trial basis (living together for you to decide if you want to be with me, or not).

Imagine how she would feel to live with you so that you can decide about her (keep going or not)? How would you feel in that situation?

🤔 Anita

See my post before last?

I just saw your post.

I understand what u mean but that’s the reality and whoever refuses to see it is delusional for me. I’m all in for romance and stuff but the truth is we dont know how we click on a daily basis (i had told her this since the beginning), how we react to each other, etc, so she rushes to step 5 for example, while we havent even gone through the 2nd step. For all i know, she could be the one rejecting me in the end after we meet and decide to try, no? I told her that she basically seeks control by trying to predict the future, by bringing up “possible issues that might arise” without them having present themselves and that robs us of the present moments and the experience we could be having. For example, instead of us planning our next meet, what we gonna visit/do and enjoy it in general, we discuss about future “issues” that MIGHT happen and thats something i remember us doing since the early days, i guess this was us trying to feel “safer” by reassuring each other with theories. I told her that things could be very different from what we gauge through online communication and we should just live and enjoy the moments now, rather than worrying about “what could happen”.

Well, i basically felt like im not enough and i cant give her what she needs and that she’s preparing to leave me (this were mostly my insecurities talking, i told her that) and this triggered my avoidance hard. She said that she’s not gonna just leave out of the blue because she has feelings for me and she never meant to make me feel inadequate, but i explained to her that this is MY issue to fix and she has nothing to do with it, also i would find it completely reasonable for her to not feel satisfied with me at the moment and that it’s ok to ask for more.