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ConfusedParticipantHey Roberta
It feels very hard to concentrate and practice for me, idk why. Maybe i have to try harder? My mind wanders elsewhere instantly.
But i see what u mean, by “getting better” i meant being in a more steady headspace, but maybe this is the way now.
Hey anita
I guess those ARE feelings and maybe i miss the dopamine then? I have to redefine my view on feelings/love. Even though i hesitate to text her, i think about her constantly and just 10 minutes ago i was crying my guts out again, thinking of her and calling her sweet words, but then it goes away and i get indifferent, its strange.
No no i didn’t report it and i didn’t see what u wrote.
ConfusedParticipantHey anita
Therapist today told me that she keeps noticing this pattern on me: “The moment things get closer (intimacy) or the more the girl shows me she is available, the more i pull away. I told her that i feel my feelings are all shutdown and she said “well, makes sense because if they weren’t you would be drawn close to her”. Damn that feels like a curse..Is there any way of getting through that and getting my feelings for her back?
Thank you very much for your words Thomas, i appreciate it 🙂
ConfusedParticipantHey roberta
i will try to practice that thing as soon as i get a bit better.
No no, it’s not that i don’t like her sexually, it’s just that our main connection wasn’t sexual it was intellectual, which is pretty rare. I remembered before, that when the first meet was about to happen (we were checking tickets) i was asking her often if she is 100% sure about it, i was also telling her that we shouldn’t have any expectations. Was i trying to sabotage?
@Thomas
We are long distance so sexual contact is tough. It wasn’t sex that frightened me, it was something else probably, or just severe depressive episode.ConfusedParticipantI “feel” it in the cognitive sense, because i know i did before, i remember it, but now i can’t feel anything. But i admire/respect her and i do have many laughs with her, which is pretty much the only thing i can feel now, besides sorrow. Idk how you “feel” about someone that u value. As for the liking part, well, i find her pretty, smart and hot. It’s just that i can’t feel those things now.
ConfusedParticipantBut it wasn’t like that in the beginning.It never got sexual, it was just deep and intellectual talks/bonding, the type i long for.
The thing is, i pulled back when the meeting was about to happen, so i think that means something.
Because i value her and i like her a lot as a person, her character is special and i wouldn’t like to lose her. I think of her voice, her humour, her craziness, all of those.Hmm, could u elaborate on this?
ConfusedParticipantYes if our interaction isn’t heavy with feelings-focused talk and we have fun i enjoy it, or when it’s some explicit talk (aka sexting) yeah i get very engaged. But the next day i feel like i have no feelings again. I am very torn if it was infatuation or maybe i lost interest because we took too much time to meet? But if that’s the case, why do i cry in the thought of losing her forever?
ConfusedParticipantI tried listening to any kind of music but it does nothing sadly. Mostly sad music ellicits sad feelings in me, nothing else.
Its kinda hard to do when the first thought in the morning is “am i feeling today?” 🙁Perhaps my feelings where never there to begin with?
ConfusedParticipantThats what i said yesterday and i felt better, but the emptiness and sorrow returned. Will take space and see how this turns out, i hope my feelings come back 🙁
ConfusedParticipantHey anita
I think that’s what might have happened yeah. I would mostly compromise myself (without her knowing) and blaming everything on my insecurities and put them “under the rug”. That could have led me here today maybe. I cry thinking a future without her in it but i still can’t feel love towards anything or anyone at the moment, so i am very torn.
Hey Roberta
I think i used to do that involuntarily some years ago and i never noticed. What does this offer to someone?
ConfusedParticipantHey anita
Haha, i like your view on those things, i used to think like that some years ago 🙂
I think i might have figured out what made me so confused all this time. After a long talk with a female friend of mine, i realized that i never communicated boundaries and dislikes on my relationship, and maybe because i had this girl involved/related with all things in my life, that led me to burnout/shutdown in every department of my life. I’ve always been so afraid of hurting her feelings or losing her that i would never express my dislikes and disagreements and i would mostly translate them as “my own insecurities”.
The thing is, did i wake up feeling less attracted because i didnt communicate dislikes before or it was just a random feeling fluctuation that led to me spiraling and then i didn’t communicate some of that that so it made it all worse? I guess thats a question for the therapist.Hello Roberta
I’ve heard about mindfulness before, but it feels so difficult to me because i’m used to act.
So i guess u’re saying to “cultivate” ourselves so other people (and ourselves) can enjoy us?
That is kinda hard for me, i have to practice it a lot. I tend to believe that whatever i am feeling right now (mostly when its negative) is gonna be there forever from now on, and my mind believes that “reality” so i get trapped. How do u judge the “unhelpful” though? And why does reverse order help? Also, can i do that on my phone or does it have to be on paper?
Thank you very much 🙂ConfusedParticipantHey anita
I have to start kinda forcing my thoughts to go another way i guess..
Haha i like beagles, hope u had a nice time! I am off to sleep
Hey Roberta
Yes i think i understand what u mean. U must be talking about something like mindfulness, that u observe the thoughts and not act on them.
Have fun and thank you for your replies!ConfusedParticipantI can’t understand what’s stopping me from thinking like that, its weird.
Yes have a nice walk, i might go too! 🙂
ConfusedParticipantDamn, feels so hard to do 🙁
ConfusedParticipantI hope so!
So when you choose to love, feelings will follow?
ConfusedParticipant🙂
I suppose it can open up again so those feelings come back.
I know but i feel like i’ve messed up. I don’t like being like this, hollow, i want my feelings and my warmth for her to return, life feels empty like that. How do people say “its a choice”? Do they mean stick through it even when u dont feel like it?
Thank you for your words 🙁
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