Hi Jen,

We are allowed to choose what we are willing to put up with. Are you possessive and jealous? Hell yeah! People say that like it’s a bad thing. I would only condone this if he has truly always wanted kids.

It sounds like it’s already a done deal. This isn’t some sperm bank (who wouldn’t take his “goods” honestly LOL). This is probably some poor girl who thinks he’s a perfect husband  (I mean “father”) specimen.

Also, it IS quite a bombshell. I think he was trying to make YOU jealous by saying his sperm is in demand!

Dump him and find someone local who doesn’t want kids or who has grown ones.

Best,

Inky

Hi Lisa,

If you come back to this question:

Maybe he feels insecure about how his looks or that his sexual performance has changed. Maybe he had no time while he was in the area to see any other people. Maybe he is into power and control.

Either way, I think it’s time you find a new, local boyfriend and move on.

Best,

Inky

Hi Anonymous,

What I would do is ghost him until New Years. The holidays are fast approaching. NOT contacting you or hearing from you around the holidays will be the most unnatural thing in the world to him. Dollars to donuts he will reach out to you. When he does, DON’T respond. When he tries again, FLIP THE SCRIPT! Say, “You’re too clingy. I need you to stop.” He will be thunderstruck!

After the New Year contact him ONLY if he has tried to contact you between now and then. If he doesn’t, don’t contact him.

He needs a chance to miss you! Every time you reach out to him he’s reminded of what he DIDN’T like. All you are doing is reinforcing his (bad) decision. Now is the time for HIM to have internal doubts.

Best,

Inky

Hi Jake,

I know this is driving you crazy, but the best thing is to let her go. There might be a small percent chance she comes back. But would you really want that? You are boyfriend material, not a mental health professional. And consider: even the best university relationships oftentimes fall apart after graduation. I know this is bad news. It’s time to look out for YOU!

Best,

Inky

Hi Danielle,

Maybe you can have a break from the relationship. It is possible you have outgrown your boyfriend and won’t admit that to yourself. Has he truly apologized for that rocky first year? Do you feel that he heard you, that he gets it?

Best,

Inky

Hi Lisa,

Family occasions are often consumed by family. I know when I have an event in an area I often don’t tell friends and family I am there at all. There is no time.

Maybe that’s what’s happened here.

Think of it this way: Welp! He missed his opportunity!

Advice? Cool it with the texting. If this was a game, he now thinks he has the upper hand. *shrug*

Best,

Inky

Hi Zuls,

When you say “children involved” do you mean the children you created with him or the children that were there before the relationship?

It’s so interesting to me that you never married. When you are not married you see your partner as Optional or even as Temporary. When you are married, the relationship becomes Real. It’s NOT just a piece of paper.

Honestly I like Anita’s advice: Make movements to leave. Call a relator. Tell him it’s not working. Of course, you don’t actually have to follow through on it but that should shake him up to put a ring on it or at least dates/affection/flowers.

One caveat: As we age our needs are different. I remember in my thirties I would be miserable because my husband never brought me flowers anymore (YouTube Neil Diamond and Barbra Streisand). My emotional life WAS “You Don’t Bring me Flowers Anymore”. P.S. My husband is an engineer LOL.

Now I don’t think of flowers anymore. When he does bring them home I panic that I missed Valentines Day or an Anniversary or something.

Good Luck,

Inky

Hi K,

Usually if we’re the one being dumped, we are totally  blindsided. Keep in mind that the other person has been thinking about how BAD the relationship was for THEM for a long time, but never said anything. Then, one little argument or snafu comes along, they throw up their hands and say, “See ya!” and walk away. And we’re like, “What just happened here??”

Then WE feel bad (because they don’t!) and we internalize the crap that’s been dumped on us.

Do you really want to be with someone that doesn’t give us a clue? That gives the relationship a sudden Fail when we thought it was an A-? That unceremoniously throws us in cold water? NO!

I hope you get out of your depression and feel anger here. In fact, if you contact him, write, “How you ended the relationship was really crappy. Please don’t contact me again.” He will be all, “But I wasn’t going to!” Tough. Act as if he was.

Don’t be surprised if he does contact you to see how you “are”. Don’t be fooled, that is only to assuage his guilt.

Best,

Inky