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Inky

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 2,482 total)
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  • in reply to: My head or my heart? #351564

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi anonymous03,

    I would go with radical honesty. Tell B, “I love you as one of my dearest friends, but this isn’t working. I have crippling depression and anxiety. Also, this long distance thing is for the birds.”

    Tell A, “You had your chance.” And mean it.

    Tell your mother, “Look, I have crippling anxiety and depression. You are making it worse. I would love to get married. But it wasn’t going to be with A, and it’s not even going to be with B. But once this pandemic is over, and I can see a doctor for my crippling anxiety and depression, I will start dating seriously. You’ll have to wait at least a month/season/year from what they are saying on the news.”

    This will buy you some time, and at least stop your mother’s histrionics.

    Good Luck,

    Inky

    in reply to: How do I respond to this? #351562

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Heytherepumpkin,

    A good response is, “Sorry you feel that way!”

    If this is an ongoing conflict/issue, and ironically it is all about him, write, “There’s no reason to write that to me, you can write to me respectfully. Try again.”

    Or, write (again), “Are you OK?” if he is unhinged. Or the classic, “Have you been drinking?”

    Good Luck,

    Inky

     

    in reply to: A little mixed up. Any advice ? #351560

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Sun,

    When a guy makes a sudden change like this in attitude, personality, preference, etc. I’m sorry, but porn might be in the mix. Or something strange that is not you.

    My advice is to move back in with your own family. Even though you are a perfect guest, it is a burden. I’m sure his parents want their house back. Also, he is acting like a bit of a jerk.

    Get on with your beautiful, hairy self back to your family (sleep in a tent in the yard if you have to for a few days) and let him try to flirt with the MILF.

    Best,

    Inky

    in reply to: Im not sure how to self diagnose #350292

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Grace,

    We have a saying in our house: “Put something in the bank every day.” Read a little, write a little, study a little. Do one thing in each subject every day. The good news it’s Senior Year during a pandemic. I don’t know how strict they are about deadlines, but heads up! They’re not going to fail you!! Write your final paper on a napkin in crayon, take a pic of it with your phone and send it in.

    College Decisions?  In a different topic, tell everyone hear where you got in and let the group vote on it!! I will definitely tell you where to go and why!!!

    Everyone else is missing prom, graduation, games, plays, etc. You know what will happen, right? They will have Make Up Proms in cities and tons of parties. It’s not the same, but if you could Make Up For It… Trips, cruise, Disney Land, Broadway shows, catered Events, etc. it will feel a little better.

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by  Inky.
    in reply to: Handling grief in a move #350282

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Rocco,

    Life is change. While you’re waiting to leave your hometown, guess what? Your friends will also leave. Some well before you. One will go to grad school this year. One will move to Europe next year. One will get married and move the next town over. One will get a great job but you will never see them. The last friend will have a baby who will monopolize their time.

    But wait! There’s more! Your pets will die, your parents will divorce/move/remarry. Even your little siblings/cousins will get into college and study far away. Your favorite bars/clubs/restaurants will go out of business. Grandparents will die.

    Everyone is already on their Hero’s Journey. They are not static characters in the background of your life.

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by  Inky.
    in reply to: Confused with complicated love life #350276

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi MGO3,

    The best thing to do is to quit your job and lose his number. You don’t want a man who couldn’t stand up to his family or break off an engagement before it started. At the very least don’t have sex with him. Date other people. It’s time to take care of you. With billions of other people on the planet, you don’t have to be his only support system.

    Stay Healthy,

    Inky

    in reply to: Need some advice #350272

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi User34,

    My gut feeling on this is you dodged a bullet. Let the fun loving coworker live with him, deal with his drinking, depression, suicidal thoughts and his anger, all the while he blames his therapist for any of his problematic decisions! Then after one juicy fight when she realizes he’s not fun anymore, he will high tail it back to his parents leaving her to deal with all the rent and bills. During a pandemic.

    You need someone independent and happy.

    Stay Healthy,

    Inky

    in reply to: Relationship OCD or NOT??? #350266

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi E,

    The length of your actual relationship was a little more than the length of a summer romance. And those historically never work out. Right??? Even when the restrictions lift, it could be months or even a year later. You will be different people! I say give yourself a break and don’t do a Zoom relationship. Do him a favor and Zump him.

    Stay Healthy!

    Inky

    in reply to: I can't get an education #348854

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Culotta,

    I would join the military. Even at your age. They will take care of you to some degree. They do “raise you” again. I saw a tremendous transformation in my son. He is still the same guy, but he carries himself with a confidence that is through the roof.

    Then I would have the military help pay for the rest of your education. Get a degree, even if it’s online.

    Then I would open my own business. Something small but life affirming. Dog grooming. Baking. Social media consultant.

    I would also volunteer in my community, go to a place of worship and even run for a public office. Military rank? Degree? Local business? Public servant? You will rake in those connections. And you will meet quality romantic partners. Soon you will have the stable two income family you crave.

    Good Luck!

    Inky


    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Kate,

    A line I’ve used is “I’m not a good ally for you about this”.

    Yes, there will be shock. Yes, there will be push back. Yes, she might make you pay for this in some way.

    Since she is a narcissist, it’s best to make everything about HER/”HER”.

    “Mom, I’m only twenty years old, I have nothing to offer you. You really need girl talk from someone who gets it.”

    “Mom, this isn’t good for you to vent about dad. Let’s go for a drive to that place you always like.”

    “Mom, let’s stop talking about him. Let’s talk about you.”

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    in reply to: Sudden feeling of not loving my gf #348844

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Sky,

    I agree with anita that you might be depressed. However, it is probably temporary. Everyone is in what I call Pandemic Land. You can’t go anywhere. Not really. The vibe is off, even for those “Covidiots” who dare to go out and socialize. People usually live for the weekends. We’ve had the equivalent of four? five? months of weekends. Yes, even if you work from home. Yes, even if you’re a student. It’s tiring.

    You not feeling it for your girlfriend might be an unconscious ploy to get some excitement back in your life. Nothing is as dramatic as a good breakup!

    Again, you have been with her for a while now.

    Not to be trite, but I would order things online that are new to you. And get into walking or jogging. There’s plenty of 5K plans online. Good Luck!

    Best,

    Inky

    in reply to: Hope to get some relationship advice #347898

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi John,

    First of all, you weren’t that close if you didn’t even know she had a boyfriend. It’s possible (POSSIBLE, JUST) that she didn’t tell you because she liked your attention and didn’t want to hurt your feelings if she picked up that you liked her.

    It’s hard to have a crush on a Regular Person. Subconsciously you think they will be an easy conquest because we are so awesome, and that they should be thrilled. Then when they say no Because Reasons, we take it harder than if a model turns us down. After all, she kind of grew on you, she’s definitely not The Crush from previous years!

    I would definitely text her “How are you during this pandemic?” and become the caring guy, especially if she says something shocking like, “My mom has it.”

    And P.S. John? Girls don’t like sarcasm directed towards them. They really don’t like to be teased or irritated either.

    Stay Healthy, Stay Safe,

    Inky

    in reply to: Struggling with long distance #347896

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi nancy8,

    The pandemic really does a great job at highlighting what (or who!) really matters. Long distance is hard enough, but what are relationships worth if it’s put on hold during a national crisis? Do you really want your future children to hear the story of how dad didn’t deal with mom because he couldn’t deal? My advice is to silently break up with him and see if he notices.

    Stay Safe, Stay Healthy,

    Inky

    in reply to: Free Resources To Help You Through This Difficult Time #347894

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Everyone,

    On that note, Steve Nobel on YouTube has meditations that have a very Tiny Buddha vibe.

    Stay Healthy, Stay Safe,

    Inky

    P.S. Robert, be subtle about your services. Kind of what I did above (disclaimer: I am not Steve Nobel!!!) Just suggest the link without saying it’s necessarily you . It’s a culture of the site thing.

    in reply to: Lonely #347892

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Grace,

    The person who called you an attention whore, probably got their azz handed to them when THEY wanted/needed attention. So naturally they will resent anyone else who dares (!) to ask for it. It was probably that one person, that one time.

    The next time you are afraid of being an attention whore, program yourself to think of “It’s Just That Guy” complete with an eyeroll.

    People don’t text you because they are afraid of texting. Most people think, “Sure, I’m a casual friend, but am I Pandemic Worthy?” Trust me when I say: You are Pandemic Worthy! Make a list of people to check on. Believe me when I say that they will be touched and thrilled that someone is thinking of THEM! Yes, they think of you too, but they themselves don’t think they are Pandemic Worthy either. Self appoint yourself as the Pandemic Leader. No one else is. Everyone else is sheltered in. Girl, I don’t even Zoom, that’s how isolated this has naturally made me.

    A lot (A LOT!) of singles are in the same boat.

    Stay Healthy, Stay Safe,

    Inky

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 2,482 total)