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How to tell a dramatic, insecure woman that I’ve lost interest.

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  anita 4 weeks, 1 day ago.

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  • #322067

    Tanner
    Participant

    Hello everyone,

    So I started seeing this woman a couple of months ago and things were really great! We were flirty, sweet to each other and we knew how to throw jokes at each other.  After a couple of months we got comfortable with each other and I suppose the flirty and sweetness has gone on the low end (which is fine). Lately she has been bringing up some stuff that has to do with a woman I dated about a year before seeing the current woman I’m writing to you all about, regards with my ex liking her photos on social media or coming into her work and causing a bunch of drama.  Well I soon find out my ex was just there with her friend unknowing that the woman I’ve been seeing works there.  really I could just go on. My ex and I are still friends and it became a red flag for me That the woman I’ve been seeing was lying to me about how my ex knew she worked there and would show up to cause commotion.  Later her and I and some of my friends went to a concert and me and my buddies took a photo, and I later posted it, and she freaked on me saying I was keeping her secret from all my other “things” which is the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard, and is now saying that I’m friend zoning her because I’m less flirty or sweet and I talk to her like she’s my buddy.  The last straw was I had plans with two of my best friends to go dinner in the same day she doesn’t work, and she was guilt tripping because she wanted to hang out (I didn’t know prior that she had that day off) I realize from all of this I’ve lost a load of interest and I’m trying to figure out the best way possible to tell her this without her freaking out.  I’ve been loyal and caring for this woman and I feel like being myself isn’t good enough and I’m over it.  I’d like to keep this woman as a friend but I fear that won’t happen, but I know that I would be better off not being In relationship with this woman.

    I apologize for the novel, I’m just desperate with some advice.

    Thank you!

    Tanner

    #322101

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Tanner,

    Well, an ex of my boyfriend going into my store would be too weird. Maybe she was reading too much into it, but this kind of stuff is what women do, checking out the new girl. And “Liking” things on social media is the girl version of marking their territory, I’m afraid.

    And you still being friends with an ex would bother some people.

    That said, this girl IS dramatic, and no matter how you break up with her, there WILL be a scene.

    Brace yourself for that scene.

    Best,

    Inky

    #322121

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Tanner:

    If I understand correctly, your current girlfriend told you that your ex girlfriend showed up at current girlfriend’s workplace to cause commotion but you found out that current girlfriend lied to you. Later you, your girlfriend and a few friends went to a concert, you posted a photo of you and your friends and your girlfriend then claimed that you didn’t include her in that photo, or didn’t post a photo with her in it because you are keeping her a secret from other women.

    You wrote: “I’d like to keep this woman as a friend but I fear that won’t happen, but I  know that I would be better off not being in relationship with this woman”, and you asked: “I’m trying to figure out the best way possible to tell her this without her freaking out”?

    My answer: First, keeping her as a friend is not a good idea, better have friends who are friendly, not friends who are hostile. Second, to minimize the chances that she will turn aggressive toward you in one way or another following you breaking up with her, display no weakness as you break up with her. Do not apologize, do not offer her friendship, do not try to soften the blow in any way.

    Aggressive people feed on any sign of weakness on the part of the person they are angry at and use it as fuel to their aggression.

    Keep the breakup speech short (no accusations, no elaborations, no unecessary words), be respectful but clear and direct, your voice strong and confident. Let her know that your decision is final. Do not allow any negotiations on the matter.

    Post again for more input, if you want, anytime.

    anita

     

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