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What Helps Me Put Things in Perspective

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“The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.” ~Douglas Adams

The Buddha famously said that life is full of suffering. While I acknowledge there is much suffering in the world, for my privileged life in the West, I like to think of it more as life being full of challenges. You see, sometimes the suffering part is optional.…

Finding the Courage to Go After What You Want Out of Life

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“Just because you’re not doing what other people are doing, that doesn’t mean you’re failing or falling behind. You’re charting your own course and staying true to yourself, even though it would be easier to join the crowd. You’re creating a life you can fall in love with instead of falling in line. You’re finding the courage to do what’s right for you, even though it’s uncertain and scary and hard. Give yourself some credit, because these are all reasons to be proud.” ~Lori Deschene

I wouldn’t call myself a laid-back person. I have anxiety that leads me to …

How to Set Boundaries in Awkward Situations with Strangers

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“Boundaries aren’t about punishing. Boundaries are about creating safety for yourself.” ~Sheri Keffer

The person sitting beside you at the bar keeps talking to you despite your obvious disinterest. The flirty Uber driver mentions—three times—how beautiful you are. Your cousin’s new boyfriend gives you a too-long hug with wandering hands.

In awkward situations with strangers, we tend to hope that non-verbal cues will be sufficient to set a boundary. We use silence, crossed arms, uncomfortable laughter, and glares to communicate discomfort. But some folks cannot—or will not—take the hint.

Here, we find ourselves at a crossroads: We can either …

I Will No Longer Allow My Doubt to Convince Me I’m Not Good Enough

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“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.” ~Henry Ford

Self-doubt is a killer. It may start off quietly in the back of your mind when you’re a kid. You may not even notice its presence, but if you let it, it can keep growing bigger and bigger like a balloon that never pops.

“Did I make the right decision?”

“Should I have said that out loud?”

“Should I apply for that job?”

“Am I good enough?”

For most (including myself), it’s that last question that haunts you no matter what you’re trying to do.

Growing …

Do You Accept Your Partner’s Attempts to Repair?

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“I am not fully healed, I am not fully wise, I am still on my way. What matters is that I am moving forward.” ~Yung Pueblo

According to Dr. John Gottman, PhD, successful repair attempts are a “happy couple’s secret weapon.”

An attempt to repair is when our partner makes a mistake and then makes an attempt to fix it in their own way.

Their attempt may look very different than what we may want, and we may be tempted to react negatively, but we have a choice to catch ourselves and consciously choose a different response.

That’s part of …

4 Simple Habits That Can Soothe Your Anxious Mind

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“I vow to let go of all worries and anxiety in order to be light and free.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

There is so much noise and overwhelm these days it’s almost impossible to not feel crippling anxiety on a regular basis.

With a march of commitments, appointments, and obligations that never seem to end, we’re a nation of chronically stressed and overwhelmed.

We often spend our lives in a rush, running on autopilot, completing task after task until we finally collapse into bed utterly exhausted. Amidst the noise and demands our minds are scattered, in a perpetual state of thinking, …

How to Mindfully Calm Your Anger and Stop Doing Things You Regret

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“Neurologists claim that every time you resist acting on your anger, you’re actually rewiring your brain to be calmer and more loving.” ~Unknown

One of the most impactful ways that mindfulness has changed my life is how I’m able to work with my feelings of anger.

Anyone who has met me in recent years would never know how anger used to run my life. I often wish that people who are just now meeting me could realize the transformation I’ve gone through from my past. If people could see how mindfulness has changed me from an angry, irritable person who …

7 Amazing Things That Happen When You Start Loving Yourself More

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“When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits—anything that kept me small. My judgment called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving,” ~Kim McMillen

I started learning about self-love a long time ago.

In fact, I started learning about self-love so long ago that when, fifteen years later, a shaman in Peru I told me that self-love was the answer to all my questions, I got really pissed off!

I had struggled with depression as a teenager. For about two years, I lived a very sad life. …

I Spent Years Looking for Happiness in the Wrong Places

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“Never put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket.” ~Unknown

About ten years ago I made the mistake of re-reading my journal from high school. Wow, was I ever a miserable, slightly unstable person.

I dated the same (great) guy for three years, but looking back over my handwritten confessions, you would have thought I was dating Mussolini. I had endless complaints, wanted to control everything my boyfriend did, and every other word I wrote was a gripe. And this was about a guy I tried to get to notice me for months before he finally asked me …

Simple Truths About Toxic Mothers I Wish I Knew Growing Up

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“Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, and don’t put up with people that are reckless with yours.” ~Mary Schmich

After Mom passed away two years ago, I returned home to take care of the remnants of her earthly life.

Clothes and shoes, books with her notes in the margins, old cookware and medication leftovers. Tableware, sewing utensils, knitting needles and thread. And at the very end, the most private part of Mom’s life, something I’d been avoiding for as long as I could: photographs, letters, diaries, and notes. These deeply personal belongings took me on an emotional roller coaster …

Why I’m in Therapy Again, and Not Ashamed to Share It

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“Emotional pain cannot kill you, but running from it can. Allow. Embrace. Let yourself feel. Let yourself heal.” ~Vironika Tugaleva

Ah, therapy, my old friend. We meet again.

I thought I’d released you from my life. I thought I no longer needed you to maintain my sanity.

I was wrong.

Third time’s a charm, as they say.

The First Time I Went to Therapy

I was eighteen when I had my first encounter with therapy. My parents had just divorced under pretty devastating circumstances, and my first serious relationship had crumbled at my feet.

It was a double betrayal.

My …

A Guide to Peace for Anyone with a Crazy, Messed Up Mind

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“No thought has any power. You have power. And when you identify and believe in the thought, you give power to the thought.” ~Mooji

It was 2004. I was on day three of a six-month meditation retreat, and my restless and turbulent mind was driving me nuts.

The prospect of sitting on this wretched cushion for another five minutes (let alone six months) was freaking me out.

“What on earth have I let myself in for? This is a crazy idea. I want to go home.”

My restless monkey mind was more like King Kong on amphetamines.

“No, remember how …

How Letting Go of the Need to be Special Changed My Life

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“Our society has become a conspiracy against joy. It has put too much emphasis on the individuating part of our consciousness—individual reason—and too little emphasis on the bounding parts of our consciousness, the heart and soul.” ~David Brooks

When I was in elementary school, I avoided group projects like the plague. When given the choice to work alone or as part of a team, I always chose to work alone.

When I joined a new class, club, or sport, my parents inquired how I measured up against the rest.

“So what do you think, Hail?” Dad would ask me. “Are …

I Didn’t Know How to Let Love In
 Until Now

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“You open your heart knowing there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible.” ~Bob Marley

A few months ago I was visited by my mother in a dream; my deceased mother who took her own life thirty years ago.

In my dream, I was sitting on the floor of my bedroom thinking about my teenage daughter, who is around the same age I was when my mother died. I felt like my daughter was in distress, and I wanted to help her.

As …

Everything Seems to Be Falling Apart
 Because It Is

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“A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because its trust is not on the branch, but in its own wings. Always believe in yourself.”  ~Unknown

If you’ve ever stopped and thought, “What the hell am I doing?” or “How did I end up here?” believe me when I tell you that you are one of many—including me.

Feeling lost is stressful enough, but what about when we disappoint ourselves more than anyone around us? What do we do when we have no sense of direction or purpose, and dwindling confidence in ourselves?

I …

How Empaths Can Stop Sacrificing Their Needs for Other People

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“Sometimes you don’t realize you’re actually drowning when you’re trying to be everyone else’s anchor.” ~Unknown

Have you ever felt trapped?

No, actually, have you ever felt absolutely paralyzed? Like you’re fearful of making any choices at all? It feels like any step you take could end in utter catastrophe.

Five years ago, that was me.

I was living in a small, run-down house in Peru, in a city that I didn’t want to be in, far away from family and friends, and I was in a relationship that wasn’t working.

At the time I worried that any decision I …

When People Want to Help but Just Make Things Worse

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When I was fourteen years old, my family spent a week of vacation in the northwoods of Minnesota. We rode horses, sailed on the lake, sang songs around a campfire, and all the other things most teenagers tell their parents is lame. Even if they are having fun.

After this week of boring, according to me, my family loaded up into our van and began what should have been a five-hour drive home.

Except it wasn’t five hours.

Thirty minutes into the drive we were in a head-on car collision. Triaged and transported to different hospitals around the area, it …

Meaningful Connection: The Gift And Challenge Of Being An HSP In Love

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“You don’t need strength to let go of something. What you really need is understanding.” ~Guy Finley

I used to be married to a very kind man with similar values and goals in life. So why did we end up divorced?

In one word? Communication.

Like so many other highly sensitive people (HSPs) I thrived on meaningful, deep communication. I lived for it. I sought it out. And, when at ease, I was good at it.

Unless he wasn’t. Which was often. When he was shut down, couldn’t articulate what was going on for him, or had nothing to say …

How to Move Forward When You’re Out of Work and Feeling Lost

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“My attitude has always been, if you fall flat on your face, at least you’re moving forward. All you have to do is get back up and try again.” ~Richard Branson

Let’s face it, losing a job sucks! Over the last couple of months, I have been chatting with friends who have recently been affected by organizational changes resulting in being out of work involuntarily. This is a situation all too familiar to millions of people, frequently through no fault of their own. Often it’s a result of an economic downturn, restructuring, acquisitions, and cost savings.

A couple of years …

How I Found Hope and Inspiration After Years of Quiet Desperation

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“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” ~Henry David Thoreau

How many years do we live with a sense of quiet desperation, faking the connection we have with ourselves? Why do we deny ourselves authentic living and exchange our time for mindless living?

Over the years, life silently and slowly eroded my identity away. By the time my son was twelve years old, I’d completely lost touch with reality. I was always busy trying to be everyone’s hero and creating this perfect little world around me. While juggling the …