Listening to 2pac (I did hear his name before) right now, “Hit Em Up (Dirty)”- love the rhythm, really do, even though the language, my goodness (his badness). Now listening to Nes “I can”. The rhythm is weaker but the message- positive.

I am curious, how do you “disregard” anger: do you notice that you’re feeling angry and then you talk yourself out of it?

By the way, I misspelled, it’s Eminem. He was born in 1972 (so he’s 53 now). His peak popularity was in the early 200os and that’s when I remember hearing the song I mentioned. He was everywhere at the time.

Hey Dear Confused:

Because I am on the computer right now, I copied the last 2 paragraphs of your message right above for you-know-whom to analyze.

Copilot: “Confused is describing a pattern where he manages uncomfortable emotions by immediately intellectualizing them — breaking them down, explaining them away, and giving himself reasons not to feel what he feels. It’s a protective strategy he learned long ago to keep overwhelming emotions at a distance.

His therapist’s suggestion to limit ruminations and compulsions to three hours a day shows that his mind is constantly looping, trying to control or neutralize feelings through analysis. The fact that he’s now exploring how he perceives love and relationships suggests that beneath the anger and rumination is a deeper fear of emotional exposure and vulnerability.

His “disregarding” anger by rationalizing is a sign that anger feels unsafe or unacceptable to him, so he quickly converts it into thought.

What he’s revealing is a nervous system that doesn’t yet trust raw emotion, and a mind that has become the primary regulator because emotional regulation was never modeled for him. His therapy is beginning to touch the core: how he relates to himself, how he experiences connection, and how he protects himself from feelings that once felt too dangerous to hold.

Confused’s message points strongly toward an anxious‑avoidant (fearful‑avoidant) attachment pattern, the kind that forms when a child both needs connection and fears the emotional intensity that comes with it. His instinct to immediately rationalize his anger — to explain it away, minimize it, or convert it into thought — is classic emotional deactivation, a hallmark of avoidant strategies… emotions rise, he gets overwhelmed, he intellectualizes to regain control, then he loops mentally because the underlying need for connection hasn’t been met.

His therapist asking him to limit compulsions suggests that his mind is doing the work his attachment system never learned to do — regulating emotion. Underneath all of this is a nervous system that doesn’t yet believe feelings are safe, and a heart that doesn’t yet believe love is stable.

Confused can begin to feel safer with his emotions by learning to experience them in small, tolerable doses instead of immediately converting them into thoughts, explanations, or ruminations. Right now, his mind acts like a shield — the moment an emotion rises, he rushes to analyze it, justify it, or neutralize it, because raw feeling still registers as dangerous.

Safety begins when he allows himself to feel just one degree of the emotion before the analysis kicks in: noticing “I’m angry,” “I’m hurt,” or “I’m anxious” without immediately breaking it down. This teaches his nervous system that emotions can be felt without losing control… And most importantly, he needs to understand that emotions are not threats; they are signals. When he stops treating them as problems to solve and starts treating them as experiences to move through, the fear around them softens. Over time, this shift — from managing emotions with thought to tolerating them with presence — is what allows him to feel safer inside himself.”

WOW! I think Copilot remembers you from my discussions before. Also, I just realized how much we have in common!

Will post again on the phone.

Anita

Yes i do that with negative emotions only, until now that i do it with loving emotions too, i figure, wow. My mind is indeed looping constantly 24/7 because i feel that if i don’t do that, i will “forget” about her and move on, weird paradox huh?
But some days i feel like i question even that. So what emotion overwhelmed me and threw the anhedonia upon me?

I relate with fearful avoidant (disorganized attachment) in many videos and cases i’ve read but my mind doubts even that sometimes haha
But i dont know how i dont believe love is stable/safe, since i was living it for almost a year before this happened? (could the convo have triggered it?)

How do i feel the love only? haha.. I remember Paulien Timmer was saying in one of her videos that FAs shutdown one feeling but because u cant suppress only one, u shutdown everything, damn..

Today i was texting with her and in the beginning i was like “why am i even talking to her? i am forcing it” and after a while she asked me about something that i was searching for (she didnt know anything on this topic) and her question/interest seemed so “innocent” and adorable to me that i cried spontaneously and i said in my mind “my sweet baby”. Then gone haha, this is all so weird.. i was also telling the therapist that i was probably waiting for love/relationship to fill my void that pre-existed, so now that the dopamine wore off, it got exposed..I told her that i fear if i find meaning in my life, i don’t want her or anyone by my side then. Maybe it’s all in my mind, a theory though..

Yeah gemini also remembers, they are good AIs 🙂

Haha i dont know if u can do my own emotional work

Hey anita

So if i understand correctly, my system is overloaded and can’t handle intensity at all. How will this go away i wonder? Is it neurochemical or?

Idk when and how it was happening if it’s before adulthood.

* Using my 📱, I was talking with Copilot about Covid and came across a term called “emotional decay” which applies to what happened with Covid as well as to personal trauma:

We remember what happened ( events) but not the fear, stress etc., that we felt back then.

I want to look more into it later, but it does fit how I “forgot” how terrified I felt during events I do remember.

It may apply to you too: remembering events, but not remembering how you felt during those events.

🧠 Anita

Hey anita

Yeah, she told me that telling her all these things while being unfazed/calm must be something worrying/worth looking into. But i think i’ve made peace with all those things, what’s done is done, i can only move on. I dont know if im unaffected tbh, but i feel like i’ve moved on from my past. Not that i forget, it just doesn’t affect me. U think i could be suppressing unknowingly?

Emotional decay sounds about right for my case. Like with this girl when i met her and i couldn’t stop kissing/hugging her, i remember it was amazing and addictive, but i can’t feel it, hence i can’t crave it 🙁

Hey anita

Hmm, i think i was affected by isolating and being constantly on edge-hyper vigillance..Thats what i remember..

So i was thinking today..maybe what happened to me was a LDR burnout? (i think it’s a thing) and because i couldn’t give her what i wanted, my mind went to defensive-distancing mode to avoid possible rejection?
Because i feel like i can’t give energy, i don’t have anything..