Hey anita

Yes i feel like that too, i’ve learned to earn love, not to be given freely so now i feel weird/unsettled.. Its sad because it makes me feel like now i “owe” the other person something.

Yes kinda like that, because my feelings are eluding me right now (maybe what im referring to as “feelings” is the intense infatuation of the honeymoon phase though), that i wont be able to keep up and be good for her, and i’ll hurt her.

It’s like i owe her (or anyone for that matter), the same kindness, enthusiasm, creativity and all those things that i might not have.

Double posting 🙂

Your answer: you owe her the same amount and quality of kindness (etc.) that she shows you today? You owe her to match her kindness every day? Did I understand?

So, if she’s not kind to you tomorrow, you don’t owe her kindness.. tomorrow?

Hey Dear Confused:

Acting on your values- 👏

Next time she is very kind to you.. think of how good she’s feeling, so good that she’s motivated to buy you gifts or say supportive things.

There’s warmth in her heart because you’re in her life- that’s her reward. It’s already there. Her reward already happened.

🎁🤍🎵 Anita

I like it that you like how I framed it 😏

It didn’t occur to me either until I posted it: it feels good to feel kind and generous, and that’s indeed her reward 🎁

And I’m not surprised she feels loving and kind and happy because you’re in her life. I happen to feel happy every time you post here 😊

🌙 🎁 🤍 Anita

Haha i didnt think of it like that either, i guess im too selfish focusing only on my own feelings!

She deserves it so i act like it 🙂 but its difficult at times, for example today as soon as i woke up, my mind latched onto her and was trying to push her away, its really weird.

Then be happier than your likings 🙂

No, not selfish.. maybe tunnel vision, not seeing the bigger picture: that in her mind and heart you’re the bee’s knees, and that’s her reward.

Do you know the saying- the bee’s knees?

(🐝 🐝 don’t have knees.)

Thank you for using my preferred emoji 🙂

🌙 🎊 Anita

Good 🌄 Confused:

I think that your insight last night (your Tuesday early morning) is the first significant insight (one that can make a positive difference) since we started talking.

You wrote: “I guess I’m too selfish focusing only on my feelings!”-

I think the word is self-centered (tunnel-visioned) rather than selfish. But point is, you’ve been locked-in, consumed by what you don’t feel (or don’t always feel), and what you “should” feel for her, feeling guilty, so much so, that you didn’t notice that she often feels good because of you.

What if every time you’re troubled with what you “should” feel- you shift your focus and remember a time when she was joyful because of you: when she smiled, when she was kind, etc. It could be like throwing water 💧 on the 🔥 of I-should-feel-but-don’t-feel thoughts.

💧💧💧 Anita