Hey anita!

Well today has not been good, it stopped working but i am trying to work through it 🙁

Sadly yes, it does fit very well, i tried to explain it to her a little bit but its a tough topic to bring up. And today i did analyze a lot 🙁

Good morning 🌅 Confused:

I just read through your early posts and came across something I didn’t notice before (for emphasis, I will use big case letters in the following quote).

Dec 20-21: “There was a conversation though that I didn’t feel very good about at the time. She asked me if I would be able to LIVE IN ANOTHER COUNTRY… I have INTENSE FLIGHT RESPONSES when SWITCHING PLACES (even visiting my second country house where I spent most of my summers growing up) makes me wanna leave and UNABLE TO SLEEP UNTIL 2-3 DAYS HAVE PASSED and I’m settled, strange… Sometimes I think that I TRULLY DON’T WANNA LIVE IN ANOTHER COUNTRY and maybe my mind knows that (or my FEAR OF MOVING elsewhere) and it’s trying to ‘protect’ me by cutting her off.”-

In general, when a person grows up in a home with arguing, screaming, violence, and unpredictable moods (“My family environment was definitely chaotic. A lot of arguing, screaming and violence while growing up.”, Confused, Dec 21), the nervous system learns that danger arrives suddenly: a parent’s mood shifting without warning (calm → yelling, quiet → violent), a slammed door, a sudden quiet, a heavy footstep, etc. Children in chaotic homes become experts at detecting micro‑changes.

The nervous system learns to equate change with danger 🌪️💥😨, and sameness with safety 🧱 🌳 🧘. It’s not a thought like: ‘I think this place is dangerous.’ It’s a body memory. The body reacts before the mind even understands why.

This explanation definitely fits my experience.

🤍 Anita

H a P p Y (belated) B I R t H d A y

🎂 🥳 🎉 🎈 🎁 🎊 , Confused!

You are not bad even though you feel like a bad person (when you do).

“But idk” seems like no insight sticks, always doubting.. everything?

🥳 Anita

You are very welcome, Confused 😊

I understand that you feel like a bad person in the last 4-5 months, BUT: I’ve been communicating with you multiple times a day for 3 months and 17 days ( ever since Dec 19), so (calculating)..

3.5 out of 4-5 months you mentioned is my experience of a grateful, kind.. 👍 good Confused.

Oh, I see, you need emotion to put an Approved or Registered stamp on intellectual insight.

🤍 Anita

Well, Cold and Distant Confused (CDC) is just an image. I know a WCC (Warm and Close Confused)!

Did anyone tell you that they see you that way (CDC)?

Got you, you need emotion on a regular, consistent basis. That kind of stability is wonderful.

What I wrote right above, the whole thing, does it feel blank and empty?

🐇 Anita

Something is wrong with my 📱 or with tb because for FORTY minutes I’ve been trying to log in but couldn’t 😤 😤 😑 –

So if this message goes through and you post again and I don’t answer- it’s some tech problem.

Sometimes it feels warm.. that’s well.. it’s good to feel warm, better than feeling angry 😠

😠 😑 😤 🐇 Anita

Well, I’m trying to recover from my anger 😠

Anger is a rare emotion for you.. when’s the last time you felt angry?

(It makes sense it was a tb problem.. it was just frustrating!)

So, about anger..😤?

😑 Anita

Hey Dear Confused:

“What did I do to deserve such a kind and loving soul?”-

Lots of people feel like they have to do something grand so to deserve love. This is how I used to feel. But now, I understand that love is not something to be earned, but a gift to receive.

Your fear that you’ll disappoint her.. is it the fear that you’re not deserving of her love and it’s only a matter of time before she figures it out?

🤔 🤍 Anita