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How a Terrified, Socially Anxious Guy Became Relaxed and Confident

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“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” ~Viktor Frankl

Life is hell
 or so I thought for most of my thirty-four years.

My intense social anxiety, an over-the-top and uncontrollable fear of people and social situations, ruined much of my young life. I operated completely alone, living only inside my own head, without even realizing it.

Now, it’s rare that I’m too afraid to talk to anyone. And I face multiple difficult decisions, discussions, and even confrontations …

How I Forgave What I Couldn’t Forget

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“Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that their behavior was ‘OK.’ What it does mean is that we’re ready to move on. To release the heavy weight. To shape our own life, on our terms, without any unnecessary burdens. Forgiveness is pure freedom—and forgiveness is a choice.” ~Dr. Suzanne Gelb

I remember the feeling of blood rushing through my veins, my head pounding, and my heart beating faster. Every time I remembered what happened, I either cried or felt a wave of depression. This guy was someone who’d hurt me in a way that I never thought would happen. His deeds …

7 Mind-Shifts to End Depressed Overeating

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“Maybe the reason nothing seems to be ‘fixing you’ is because you’re not broken… You have a unique beauty and purpose; live accordingly.” ~Steve Maraboli

Have you ever seen a woman down a family-sized tin of chickpeas?

Or eat six pita pockets stuffed full of avocado, cheese, tomato, and onion?

Or a dozen greasy samosas?

I used to overeat when I was depressed. I’d eat till I was so stuffed, the only thing I could do was sleep.

(Like Valium, but with added fiber.)

I’d been doing it since I was a kid.

My family was vegetarian, so I …

How to Cope with the Fear of Aging

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“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” ~Mark Twain

Time is the most precious asset we’ve got. It means life, and it’s never coming back.

In a world where everyone seems to be in a rush, it feels like time is flying. Not sure about you, but when I was a child, I felt like I had all the time in the world. Much later, as a grown-up woman, always busy to do more and achieve more, I had to sign up for time management courses so that I could cope with …

How to Move On When Your Ex Already Has

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“Like a sandcastle, all is temporary. Build it, tend it, enjoy it. And when the time comes, let it go.” ~Jack Kornfield

I picked up the butter cookies and a small postcard-sized painting I had brought for her.

I took the third-floor hotel elevator down.

Closing my eyes, I took several deep breaths.

The elevator ride was less than five seconds, but our time spent apart was five years.

Five years after the divorce I had flown up to see her again.

I’m not sure what led to this meeting. We had emailed each other a couple times out of …

The Best Things in Life Are Free (and Healing)

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“The six best doctors: sunshine, water, rest, air, exercise, and diet.” ~Wayne Fields

I’ve always believed the best things in life are free. Sunshine on your skin next to a body of water ranks up there as one of my favorite experiences. I love nothing more than to be in a pool in the summertime.

Though doctors have helped me with my depression, nature has provided me with my best doctors. When I’m in nature, I feel restored.

When I was a child, I used to like to go on adventures. I would venture off into my parents’ backyard …

The Power of Perspective: A Simple Way to Ease Anxiety

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“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking.” ~Eckhart Tolle

One of the first ideas I learned in law school was “the reasonable third person,” a legal fiction created to help figure out if someone has acted unreasonably. There’s no clear-cut definition, so I spent a lot of energy arguing what a reasonable person would do. This hypothetical person haunted my law school exams, and later, my career.

But I realized the reasonable third person could teach me something beyond the courtroom. I could apply that …

How to Relax in Meditation When You Have a Busy Mind

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“The Tao is always at ease. It overcomes without competing, answers without speaking a word, arrives without being summoned, accomplishes without a plan.” ~Lao-Tsu

As a longtime meditator and participant in the awakening process I am constantly on the lookout for hints that illuminate the path. I am open to these hints regardless of their source, so many of my teachers have been young children.

We may have many differing reasons to practice mindfulness and meditation. Regardless of the specific motivation, all meditators experience distraction and mental rebellion from time to time, and it can be quite frustrating. Many new …

Rethinking What Really Matters: The Four Most Important Things in Life

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“Life is short. Focus on what matters and let go of what doesn’t.” ~Unknown

Our most precious commodities are not our smartphones, 3D TVs, brand new cars, or even our big and impressive houses.

Our most precious commodities can’t be found at the bank. They can’t be ordered online. The truth is, they are on a very short list.

Amongst our most precious commodities are our purpose, time, health, and our relationships.

How I Came to This Conclusion

Several years ago I realized I was accumulating more in my life. More things that didn’t really matter to me or …

Your Favorite Animal Coloring Page from Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal

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Hi everyone! This is my fourth week sharing coloring pages from the soon-to-be-released Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal (available for pre-order now). Previously, I shared:

I have a hard time answering this one because I’m a huge animal lover—literally. I’m mostly drawn to large animals, including lions and tigers and bears (Oh my!)

These aren’t the pets that will greet you at the door or curl up in your lap. You can’t take them on a plane for emotional support or dress them like little humans. They’re commanding, formidable, …

The Big Little Secret to Rejection: How to Get Past It Quickly

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“I am good at walking away. Rejection teaches you how to reject.” ~Jeanette Winterson

Rejection is something that can impact all the big parts of our lives—friends and loved ones, education, jobs, and romantic relationships. It can change how we see ourselves, paralyze us into not taking chances, and even make us give up on pursuing our dreams.

There’s a lot of wonderful advice out there about rejection, but I wanted to share a bit of a different perspective. It’s a simple perspective I was lucky enough to hear a long time ago, but have only just begun to …

We Don’t Have to Be Confident and Together All the Time

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“At any given moment, you have the power to say: This is not how the story is going to end.” ~Christine Mason Miller

Eighth grade was a bit of a bad year for me, if I’m being honest. The dust had settled after the seventh grade popularity battle, and I had some close friends and we were mostly surviving, but there was one class I just could not make a go of.

I didn’t have any friends in the class, or rather, the one I did have made a choice to hang with the popular girls, and left me to …

Why I Thanked My Ex and Now Appreciate the Heartbreak

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“How thankful I am today, to know that all my past struggles were necessary for me to be where I am now.” ~Unknown

I met my ex-boyfriend, let’s call him Derek, through work. We were introduced through mutual co-workers, and then we hit it off and began dating.

We had a connection right away, partly based on physical attraction, but also we laughed a lot together, and I felt cared for by him.

We lived in different cities at the time, but would see each other every other weekend. We dated this way for a year and then talked …

You Deserve to Chill: How to Create Space to Heal and De-stress

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“She had not known the weight until she felt the freedom.” ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

Why do we stress ourselves out? Why is it that being productive and getting tasks done is more important than healing and taking the time to feel calm?

Stress and anxiety can affect our lives in so many different ways. A few years ago, it manifested itself in me physically, in a pretty gross way.

There was a time I had a plantar wart on the bottom of my left foot, and it was very painful. When the pain got to the point that I couldn’t …

Technology Coloring Page from Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal

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Hi everyone! This is my third week sharing coloring pages from the soon-to-be-released Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal (available for pre-order now). Previously, I shared the nature coloring page and the vacation coloring page.

This one’s a no-brainer for me. Though I could live without it (did it for over twenty-five years!), I’m most grateful for my iPhone—which I use most frequently to manage Tiny Buddha’s social media pages and my inboxes on the go, read eBooks, track my steps, and listen to music and guided meditations.

If you had told me in high school I’d one day own one …

4 Ways to Boost Your Happiness and Overcome Hedonic Adaptation

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“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” ~Dalai Lama

One of the biggest challenges in life seems to be the attainment of happiness. Everyone wants to be happy (or so they say). But what does happiness truly mean, and how do we not only find it, but embrace and maintain it?

Researchers have come to the conclusion that happiness has three separate elements. First, there’s the amount of happiness you are genetically predisposed to have, which accounts for about 50%.

Studies were done on identical twins who were raised together and on some who …

3 Limiting Beliefs That Make It Hard to Get Over Your Ex

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“The broken hearted are the bravest among us—they dare to love.” ~BrenĂ© Brown, Rising Strong

Are you finished grieving your breakup and want to get over your ex once and for all?

Don’t get me wrong. Grieving is important. Actually, it’s imperative.

But there is such thing as grieving for too long. When we get stuck in a downward spiral of negativity it gets harder and harder to get out. Our guilt over the way things turned out and regret over what could have been become heavy burdens to carry.

I was there last year. After the toughest breakup …

7 Common Fears That Don’t Have to Control Us

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“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.” ~Marianne Williamson

As babies, we know nothing about the world. In the universe of an infant, there are no norms to follow, no rigid rules and regulations; no room for labeling or judging ourselves and others. We don’t yet know to disapprove of ourselves, and we’re curious to play, learn, and grow.

We are all born free spirits. Then our environment—our families, schools, religions, and political systems—shape the way we think and behave.

Fear is a learned practice. Children generally are not afraid of trying, failing, …

How to Get Out of a Mental Rut by Trying Something New

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“Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.” – Brian Tracy

Have you ever come to a crossroad in your life?

You know something needs to change, but you have more than one option—and it feels like there’s a lot of pressure on you to make the right choice.

That was me a few months ago.

I was stressed, overworked, and in what you would probably call a rut. Fatigued and struggling to get things done, I initially thought that all I needed …

Are You a Multipotentialite? What to Do When You Have Many Interests

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“I think a singular identity isn’t very interesting, and I’m a little bit more multifaceted as a person than that.” ~Catherine Opie

Are you a person who gets inspiring ideas every day? Do you wake up, galvanized with such thoughts, only to end up feeling sore as the day ends because you failed to act on these bright morning ideas? Perhaps you also end up blaming yourself and feeling guilty for not having taken any action.

Then welcome to the world of multipotentialite, a word I first encountered when I heard a TEDX talk by Emilie Wapnick. In her …