“The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence. Fences have nothing to do with it. The grass is greenest where it is watered. When crossing over fences carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be.” ~Robert Fulghum
For as long as I can remember, I have been an ardent keeper of a life to-do list. Always a set of invisible criteria in my head, and sometimes written-out in actual lists, my to-do list of life improvements has been sort of a North Star, guiding my direction and efforts.
This love of improvements in process stems from a longstanding and deep desire to be transformed in some magical way. Not because my life has ever been bad in an objective sense, but nevertheless, I always believed my life—and I—needed to be changed and improved.
In elementary school, for example, I can remember thinking ahead to a trip I was going to take in the summer with my friend’s family to Cape Cod.
I planned all the ways I’d use the following months to become the pretty wasp-y girl who I thought belonged on Cape Cod (grow out my hair, get a new cover for Bermuda bag…)
Or, when I went off to college in New York City, I looked forward to the very sophisticated, adventurous urbanite I would be (stop eating dinner between now and then to be skinny, buy this pair of boots and that jacket, develop an air of nonchalant cool…)
This was a pattern I replayed many times over: set my sights on a media-perfected image of a lifestyle or type of person, and then list all the ways that I needed to change to become more like that image.
All of these different factors would find their ways into resolution or to-do form. (Will lose weight, will be more extroverted and charming, will learn to be a better flirt, and so on.)
When the experiences I planned for came to pass, they each had their own reality, which was good, interesting, and full in its own way. (more…)