Yes i do think that’s an extreme but its difficult for me to soften it.

You mean that it was not real? Or that it burned me out? But i did meet her.

Hey Dear Confused:

Good to read back from you this Wed night 🌙 (here).

I mean your feelings were real, and so were hers. And the connection between the two of you was real, and to me- it’s inspiring, something special there.

BUT or AND- unless the two of you are okay with keeping it LD forevermore- in-person reality is going to present challenges.

No, I didn’t mean you should have met her sooner. What I mean is that- REALLY living with her as man and wife, or man and partner- in an apartment, just you and her, day after day, night after night, month after month-

That’s a different ball game than LD + 3 days in- person that you actually spent with her.

And what I figure is that maybe the two of you are afraid 😨 of making it real, as in living together

🤔 😱 😕 🍃 💡 Anita

Hmm.. yes, I think the two of you are afraid, scared of.. well, you tell me. You know better than I do.

But outside if the fear, I see something special on your part and on hers, no less.

It’s almost 9 pm here, b Back in (my) morning 🌄 (your.. evening)

🌄🌙🐇 Anita

I think our main problem is money/time and now the stressors that i added 🙁

I feel like even if we are not together and in contact, i will still care for her deeply and i’ll be sending her cards/gifts at times, she’s so cute when she’s excited with all those little things 🙂

I also think that i need space to miss her. I never thought this would be possible for me but here we are..

Good morning 🙂 Confused:

I did not yet read your 2 recent posts because I want to attend first to a few things from what we talked about yesterday (it took me a couple of hours to write the following, which includes my personal best understanding- for you to consider and evaluate if you choose to do that):

1) You shared: “I remember sometimes when I’d go and hug my mother (I was like 10) she would suspiciously look at me and tell me ‘What do u need now? / What mischief have u done?’ so I stopped that too, eventually”. I asked you: “Do you remember what you felt when your mother met your love with suspicion and accusation?”, and you answered: “Hmm, I think I felt shame.”-

When a child goes to hug a parent, they’re not just giving affection — they’re seeking connection, safety, warmth and reassurance. But what did you receive instead? Suspicion: “What do you need now?”, “What mischief have you done?”

Your affection was misinterpreted as manipulation or wrongdoing. For a child, that’s confusing and painful.

Your reaction: Shame. Shame is the emotion of: ‘Something is wrong with me.’, ‘My affection is unwanted.’, ‘My needs are suspicious.’, ‘I shouldn’t reach out.’ So, you shut down that part of yourself (the part that feels affection, the part that has needs, the part that wants to reach out)- so to stay safe.

2) You shared: “Yes, my brain does that a lot with everyone, I guess it’s a protective mechanism. Actually, it started when she confessed her feelings with the poem (I felt ‘wow, she is really into me, now I gotta be careful, why am I not feeling more enthusiastic? I should feel more!’)”-

When she showed strong, surprising affection toward you, catching you off guard (the poem), you froze. Why? Seems to me that the reason is that Affection became associated with Rejection and Accusations (your mother’s repeated response), and the same shame you felt at age 10 resurfaces: ‘I’m not reacting right.’, ‘I’m disappointing her.’, ‘I’m doing something wrong.’

Your childhood taught you: ‘Affection is not safe. If I show it, I’ll be questioned or judged. If someone shows it to me, I’ll fail them.’

That’s why you said earlier: “Now I gotta be careful.”- careful of repeating that old shame.

Before the poem, things were probably ambiguous, playful, or low‑stakes. After the poem, it became real, serious, emotionally loaded. That sudden shift can make someone pull back internally to reassess.

The most telling part is this: “wow, she is really into me, now I gotta be careful”- That’s not the thought of someone who doesn’t care. That’s the thought of someone who cares so much about not causing harm that they become cautious.

3) Because of double posting I didn’t read the part about “Why ‘Too Much Love’ Leads to Shutdown”- the article talks about emotional Burnout caused by (1) Excessive giving without equal reciprocation, (2) Focusing solely on a partner and sacrificing your own needs, priorities, and self-care, (3) Fear of abandonment, (4) A history of heartbreak.

I think that your mother’s the core of your history of heartbreak 😞 What do you think, Confused?

Next, I will read your recent 2 posts and reply

🤍 Anita

Hey anita

Yes it was something like that if i remember correctly, i felt “awkward” or shameful for my bids for connection, so i pulled back for good.

I am not quite sure of the poem but those were indeed thoughts that crossed my mind, i felt like something inside of me shook. I dont know if that caused things though, its tough to figure this one out.. She had been showing constant affection since july so why did it not happen sooner? And i did show affection and care towards her, but not quickly, i had to first see if she’s receptive of that, then i went all-in.

3) I think it might have been emotional burnout for me, since i had all those except the reciprocation, she was reciprocating a lot.

Hmm it wouldn’t be surprising but its very hard for me to connect my past to my present still and i dont know why!

Today at work i was constantly thinking of her. I cried again thinking the day we parted at the airport, when i left her and went to the gate i teared up but i didnt show it to her. Then i thought “what if this was the last time i saw her” and tears instantly ran down my face, i managed to imagine me holding her face and kissing her but all those lasted for like a minute, then i felt them fading in my chest, like a storm going away..and the negative thoughts came again (do i really want her? am i staying out of guilt? were those tears real or just guilt?, if they were true why dont they stay for longer, etc etc, followed by discomfort in the thought of texting her).

I think i might be depressed AF also, because i am not hungry or thirsty, i dont feel sleepy and when i wake up i find it hard to get out of bed and do anything. So i might be wrong to blame this whole thing onto her 🙁

Hey anita

2. It’s more like i remember the events but without the emotions in them. Like it happened but i can’t recall the feelings. Same thing happens now with Y (the girl)

Thank you for the time u take to ask all those to AI and then write them here 🙂

I did not contact him, in fact i ghosted him because i stopped the meds and i didn’t want to tell him that i quit again, was afraid of his answer haha