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March 20, 2019 at 2:03 pm #285489
BParticipantHi Everyone,
Thank you for all taking the time to respond to my post, the narc has avoided contact for two weeks, BUT the mother returned today with the sister.
Having no contact with the narc gives me some sort of peace but I know he will return eventually. God knows when or what for? They are never far behind and that is why you are always waiting?
I don’t understand why the mom or the sister are contacting me, are they being genuine? or are the using to me for the purpose?
Its horrible never knowing what someone else’s attentions are?
I honestly try and try to keep going being positive, I have even listened to the recommendation “YT from a monk, Ajahn Brahm titled “How to deal with abusive relationships.”
What a beautiful peaceful thing to listen to while your mind runs wiled. Its so nice for the mind to stop speaking to its self and listen to something useful. I drifted off to sleep last night.
When I wake he returns, or the family have.
I hope you are all well, I hope your live is treating you with kindness and love I am so grateful from the bottom of my heart to be able to write on here even when I can not find the words to make sense to myself
Loving you always B
March 18, 2019 at 3:22 pm #285187BParticipantHi Guys,
I have avoided coming on here for a few days, well not just on here the net in general, so that I dont stalk him or her.
Everything everyone says is so right, I just find it hard to believe. My mind gets so consumed by the thought of him whether it is good or bad. I have been totally thrown of the map by him. I know I shouldn’t expect anything else, this is what he is.
Still hurts never the less.
I am totally sick in trying to figure him out after so long. I am so sick of the situation but still find it hard to move on and forget something that no longer matters. I think I want answers, or some kind of satisfaction in knowing eventually he will get what he deserves. Maybe he never will. I cannot quite understand how one person can inflict some much pain, so much hurt and misery and stroll though life without a care in the world.
I am not a stupid person, I have continuously read online about people like him yet, it still has not sunk in.
I hope one day I will just be free mind body and soul of anything to do with him.
I hope you are all well and thank you for your support, sometimes just writing on here can make everything seem so much better.
Hope you all receive this well.
B
March 6, 2019 at 3:21 pm #283415BParticipantHi Guys,
Today’s been a very very good day/evening. The narc returned with a sob story, which I did not buy or entertain as much as I wanted to surrender to him. I kept strong, I did not fall.
On the other hand whilst at work today I got offered on a date by the pharmacist!!
I was so so nervous but took up the offer anyway what did I have to lose. After work I came home and got ready caught a taxi and meet him at a local bar.
It was so nice, to talk about everything and anything, I had such a good night.
We went for food and a few drinks, I did not get SMASHED! I actually enjoyed it + he is not my usual type, and it payed off.
Just thought I’d update everyone.
Thank you without this forum I would not have found the hope and encouragement I needed.
Hope you all receive this well send my love to you all B X
March 4, 2019 at 1:04 pm #282943BParticipantSorry my typing does not always make sense x
March 4, 2019 at 1:01 pm #282941BParticipantHi Sarah,
It seems as though you how outgrown your friends and moving forward in your own personal life, which is a great thing.
Your friend must understand at some point this situation was bound it happen, that you would not stay single forever. You have to explain in the kindest possible way that circumstances have changed for you and that your no longer able to accommodate her needs when she returns from her travels.
If she is your true friend even though she seems to be taking advantage of your kindness, she will completely understand.
Set yourself some boundaries when it comes to friendships and what they expect from you.
Sometimes in life you need to put your self and well being first, you should not feel bad for moving forward often people are glad to see you sitting behind as its beneficial for them.
As for your other friend, I suggest you try and distance yourself as much as possible, avoid pointless conversations and meetings. I am sure at some point she will realize you can no longer provide the services she requires. Eventually you won’t need that umbrella.
Don’t be afraid of making changes in your life, sometimes they work out to be the best thing you ever did. Removing bad energy can only make room for good energy to enter.
I hope you put yourself first this time, you are a good person, you are allowed to be free and happy.
Love B X
March 4, 2019 at 12:50 pm #282939BParticipantShe understands, she understands the the pain I have been through and understands why I still feel the way I do towards him.
She is very supportive, she allows me to feel all the emotions surrounding the situation.
Hopefully one day I the feelings towards him will ease and slip away. No pain last forever I suppose.
Letting go of him, made me feel like a child again, learning to walk, talk, speak and live myself.
Its been a long process and still on going, I know I will get there eventually with more time and self healing.
Anita if you don’t mind me asking.. How did you become so wise?
I see you replies to a lot of people on this forum, you help so so many people with you wise kind thoughtful responses?
How is life treating you?
Sending my love B X
March 4, 2019 at 11:15 am #282915BParticipantHello Peter,
I’ve re read and re read your reply.. How true is that… I never thought of it that kind of way.
I love the quotes and have wrote them down. I will remember this every time that wave of being lost strikes.
Maybe I am lost and just waiting to be found, my someone or myself.
Peter thank you for taking the time out to respond to me x
March 4, 2019 at 11:09 am #282909BParticipantHi Anita,
You summed that up very well.
Me and my mom are really close, we are like best friends, we share everything together now.
Around the time I met my ex, my mom had been married to this horrible guy we actually hated me.
They got married, he was very much like a child, constantly stropping around. He drank most evenings and didn’t particularly like me around.
So I assume when my ex came along it was the perfect excuse to leave, as I didn’t like mum’s husband much either. He would often leave my mum for periods at a time, leaving my mom devastated. Me and my mum’s husband would often clash as I would stick up for mum but she was kinda naive to him I suppose, and tolerated this behavior. He put a strain on my relationship with mum.
So being at the ex’s seemed like the right thing, neither mum’s house or his house was a safe haven. At the time the violence and controlling started with my ex my mom had filed for a divorce, I didn’t want to put anymore pressure, hurt or shame onto her. I kept it to myself. I could see she was already broken with me actually snapping her in half.
Thank you Anita for taking the time to speak to me.
B X
March 3, 2019 at 1:27 pm #282687BParticipantHi,
Don’t worry to much, I’m sure she will calm down eventually. You are young and sometimes pick the wrong choices to say.
Its not the end of the world. If your friend values your friendship as much as you do then you will be able to amend things.
Give your friend time and space, send her a nice message or token gesture to let her know you acknowledge “lying” is wrong and that if you had been honest then maybe this situation would not have occurred.
Be kind to yourself, you are old enough to know better, yet young enough not to care.
BX
March 3, 2019 at 1:01 pm #282673BParticipantI need to get a situation of my chest also…
The last time I seen my ex what a week ago, he picked my up from a night out, I was extremely drunk.
He wanted to sleep with me, but I never. I know what he would do. He would just leave me anyway like I was nothing and run home and play happy families at home.
We got into a heated argument regarding the new girlfriend, as said something insulting not that I can remember what. He stuck up for her, which enraged me. How can he stick up for her when he wants to see me? How can I have respect for his new supply when he obviously has no respect for her himself?
So once the argument started I actually got really mad with him, I chased him down the road and actually hit him.
I’m so so so disgusted and appalled at my behavior its actually eating me up. Its like tables have turned and now i’m the bad person. I have tried to apologize and even emailed.
Its the first time in a year I have lost control of my feelings with him, I am still so hurt by him, I could not control myself.
I feel awful I know this time I am in the wrong. I the guilt is killing me. Being drunk is no excuse for my behavior. I’m ashamed i’m even telling people but I need to get it off my chest.
Sorry B x
March 3, 2019 at 12:50 pm #282669BParticipantHi everyone,
Its been a full week without any contact. It kills me but I know its for the best.
It does not stop the mind from wondering though, I am trying my very best to keep busy and focused.
In the long run it will serve me better, removing myself from a toxic situation can only bring better things.
Hope you are all well, thanks again taking the time to respond to my topic, I really do appreciate it.
I hope you are all well.
B X
March 3, 2019 at 12:44 pm #282667BParticipantHi Jay,
It sounds like you’ve had a lot to deal with lately. So sorry to hear that your father has passed away.
Now you’re mum has dementia, that is also a lot to contend with.
I recommended you go to your local doctors surgery, they usually have plenty of information and support groups, for both patients and family members. On how to be better equipped on supporting your mum and having her life a normal life.
Your sister may also need support along the way. I hope your find the strength you need for your mum and to be able to support your sister while she your mum.
Send my Love B X
February 27, 2019 at 1:37 pm #282057BParticipantHi Everyone,
Its such a joy and inspiration to log on to this site and know people are there. That I am not alone, thank you all.
All your wise words are such a pleasure to read they are really uplifting and kind.
In my previous reply I may have confused some, my apologies I type as though I am speaking. After going over my first initial response maybe I need to make myself clearer.
In regards to the ex, we live pretty close, same post codes, same area. He would often turn up at my place for work. I would go out every single time and fall for this words or fall into the situation that he would get my number. We also have mutual friends whom I assume pass information from one party to the other. Ideal gossip. Somehow I always get lured in by him as he consumes so much of me. My mind and heart.
In regards to the situation with my dad, I was one when my dad left. I have always known my dad throughout my life, he has been around but never really there as a father figure as such. He would often just turn up at weekends or when it would suit him. I never really has a regular routine with him, he basically was not an inconsistent figure whilst growing up. Very hit and miss.
The memory of him being violent and aggressive to my mum I was around the age of 6/7 , he as I said earlier turned up one weekend from a football match, intoxicated and the situation proceeded. But it is a vivid memory I have of him, that’s what caused me to resent him among est other things over time.
Now I am much older and forgive him but we still do not have a father daughter connection. I have to let go of this in order to have a relationship with him, so we can move forward and get to a comfortable place together, as live is too short.
I hope that has made it slightly clearer. I should not solely blame him but I do think my father had an impact on my choice in men in some sort of way. I don’t know. Maybe the therapy can help peice these things together.
I’ve not had any contact with my ex now since Saturday, I am going into the cold turkey stage yet again for the 1561654643 time. It’s going to be okay I know its for the best to not have this person in my life as it will always lead to complete and utter devastation every time. Now its the simplest thing to put into action set boundaries for myself. What I am willing to accept will continue and what I do not accept will not happen.
Tonight I am even having a cup of tea instead of wine which is a shock to the system, fingers crossed I can continue to have tea whilst I write instead of wine, its quite clear I can think straighter. I will take all your encouraging words and put them into action day by day. Little baby steps.
Today I have booked two appointments one with a personal trainer, one with the hairdresser positive steps. I’ve also got a job interview today for 12th March at a new hospital. I have things to look forward to, things to keep me occupied.
I hope this reaches you all well, thank you all again. Its such a pleasure to talk with you all.
In life we are always searching for answers through different outlets such as social media, substances, people, places ect. Something so simple like this talking to people we have never met or seen, we do not hold back what lays within our hearts and minds. We simply off load all this information, feelings, regrets and worries, positives and negatives. All without being judged, without being talked about or laughed at. How lovely to know there are kind true honest humans.
I may start another topic soon, please if anyone has anything else to share re this topic or a situation that maybe occurring in your life please share.
LOVE B X
February 25, 2019 at 1:14 pm #281785BParticipantHi Valora,
Thank you for such kind and encouraging words. Over the last year I have tried everything possible to stay away from him. Changing my number, moving area etc. I have regained control of most things, I have rebuilt friendships, joined the gym, overall made a better impact on my well being apart from alcohol and him.
As you mentioned about figuring out what he gave me emotionally… I think its rooted from my childhood, my father left my mum when I was very young around one. I’ve never really had a father figure as such, I knew who my dad was and would often see him on the weekends, not that I liked him and most often refuse to go. I actually resented him, one of my earliest memories of him was being abusive to my mom, who I adored.
When I met this male I think I was looking for someone to actually look after to me and love me as a male as i never really felt that love from my father. I thought he would be a good influence on me but I found it to be completely the opposite. I actually thought he cared for me and wanted the best for me, I was sadly disappointed, he ruined me.
I hope one day I find the strength to leave this situation well alone and be content.
Thank you so much for your words and I will re read them to help me through.
Hope you are well.
BX
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