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I lied to my best firend….

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This topic contains 8 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  anita 9 months ago.

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  • #282681

    jennifer
    Participant

    Hey guys, I am 20-year-old college girl who needs advice.

    It was recently my best friend’s birthday and I lied to her on that special day.

    Since the beginning, I didn’t really feel like going but because she’s my best friend since high school I obviously had to go. A few of my other friends also went we carpooled to another party we had then there, on our way there they were planning on going out to a club, I normally don’t go clubbing and my parents weren’t home so in the spur of the moment I thought “I should live a little”. We got there left around an hour after. This is where it got messy: I told my friend I had to leave because my mom was calling me (which is true) and had to leave, so my friends and I left the party then went to the club. I had a lot of fun was “cautious” I wouldn’t appear in pictures or videos got home everything was okay. Yesterday, my friend posted a picture where I appeared I thought I was okay because my best friend doesn’t follow her then another one who is followed but my best friend and another friend posted the picture. Obviously, she saw the picture and saw that I was in fact not at home. She is currently very very (and rightfully so) mad at me. Before this, we had already had a fight where we didn’t talk for a month because I was given an unexpected paid trip of a convention on the weekend we would be hosting a Halloween party but this as I said it was unexpected and free so I decided to attend the convention even though I has already paid my part of the party, regardless she forgave me after we talked everything out.

    I admit it wasn’t a good choice from my part but I do value our friendship of many years but I think she won’t forgive me this time…

    I really don’t know what to do, please help!

    #282687

    B
    Participant

    Hi,

    Don’t worry to much, I’m sure she will calm down eventually. You are young and sometimes pick the wrong choices to say.

    Its not the end of the world. If your friend values your friendship as much as you do then you will be able to amend things.

    Give your friend time and space, send her a nice message or token gesture to let her know you acknowledge “lying” is wrong and that if you had been honest then maybe this situation would not have occurred.

    Be kind to yourself, you are old enough to know better, yet young enough not to care.

    BX

     

    #282723

    jennifer
    Participant

    Hello,

    I’ve reached out to her but she didn’t respond in a positive way, I will be giving her her space and try to talk to her in the near future. Thank very much for the help cheers!

    #282837

    anita
    Participant

    Dear jennifer:

    I read your original post but didn’t understand what happened in the two occasions with your friend, the one that resulted in the two of you not talking for a month and the current one. Would you like to retell both happenings more clearly, without unnecessary details, just the facts, simple sentences?

    anita

    #282991

    jennifer
    Participant

    Hello Anita,

    Thanks for taking the time to read through and reply sorry I wasn’t clear enough.

    This is what happened:

    First occasion: We had planned a party months in advance but days before the party I was given the opportunity for a free trip and decided to accept, she was very upset with me for leaving.

    Second and current occasion: On her birthday I left the party because my parents were calling me to return to my house, told her why I have to go back to my house but ended up going to a club. She obviously found out I went to a club instead of my house and is very mad at me.

    #283085

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jennifer:

    You restated the two occasions very clearly, I am impressed.

    Regarding the Halloween party, you broke your word to her to attend the party because you felt like going on the free trip. Regarding her birthday party, you didn’t feel like attending it at all (“Since the beginning, I didn’t really feel like going”)-

    I am wondering if you don’t like being in her home, maybe you don’t like your best friend’s company in the context of a party in her home, or maybe you don’t like her much in any context?

    anita

     

    #283827

    jennifer
    Participant

    Hello Anita,

    Her birthday party was at a mutual friend’s house, but what I can say is that we aren’t really on the same page when it comes to a party context as in I like to dance and she doesn’t like to do the same (she’s not a big fan of parties also). She’s a really good friend and we do “click” in other areas it’s just in those particular situations we differ.

    #283829

    Mark
    Participant

    jennifer,

    I recommend understanding why you felt the need to bail on her and therefore lie to her.

    I believe it is always best to understand the underlying reason why we behave the way we do especially if we don’t want to repeat our mistakes.

    I would wonder if she is such a good friend then why did you do that?   Is this something you do?  If you don’t want to do something you agree then go do something else?   Are you passive aggressive with others?  in other circumstances?

    Regardless how you work it out with your friend, I invite you to look at yourself.  Do you find it hard to keep your word especially when you are in situations that you are not “all in” on?

    Mark

    #283833

    anita
    Participant

    Dear jennifer:

    “we aren’t really on the same page with it comes to a party context as in I like to dance and she doesn’t .. she’s not a big fan of parties… we do ‘click’ in other areas”-

    -two friends don’t have to be together in all contexts. Be with her  in the contexts that you both like/ click, and not in contexts that only one of you likes.

    On the other hand, do attend a friend’s birthday party even if you don’t feel like it because it is only a once a year event.

    Let’s say that your best friend wants to join her to a party of a friend of hers, a party with no dancing, where people play chess and you hate chess. It is perfectly fine for you to tell your best friend: no, I don’t want to. I like to dance and I don’t like chess.

    What will not be fine is if you tell your best friend: no, I can’t make it to this party because I promised my mother to (whatever)-

    -tell your friend the truth, do not lie. And better yet, make it a habit to not lie to anyone.

    What do you think  about what I wrote here?

    anita

     

    • This reply was modified 9 months ago by  anita.
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