March 4, 2019 at 11:09 am #282909
You summed that up very well.
Me and my mom are really close, we are like best friends, we share everything together now.
Around the time I met my ex, my mom had been married to this horrible guy we actually hated me.
They got married, he was very much like a child, constantly stropping around. He drank most evenings and didn’t particularly like me around.
So I assume when my ex came along it was the perfect excuse to leave, as I didn’t like mum’s husband much either. He would often leave my mum for periods at a time, leaving my mom devastated. Me and my mum’s husband would often clash as I would stick up for mum but she was kinda naive to him I suppose, and tolerated this behavior. He put a strain on my relationship with mum.
So being at the ex’s seemed like the right thing, neither mum’s house or his house was a safe haven. At the time the violence and controlling started with my ex my mom had filed for a divorce, I didn’t want to put anymore pressure, hurt or shame onto her. I kept it to myself. I could see she was already broken with me actually snapping her in half.
Thank you Anita for taking the time to speak to me.
B XMarch 4, 2019 at 11:40 am #282927
You are welcome. Your recent post explains to me what happened and why.
“Me and my mom are really close, we are like best friends, we share everything together now”-
– what is her input on your current very distressing situation with your ex in your life?
* I will be away from the computer for a little while.
anitaMarch 4, 2019 at 12:50 pm #282939
She understands, she understands the the pain I have been through and understands why I still feel the way I do towards him.
She is very supportive, she allows me to feel all the emotions surrounding the situation.
Hopefully one day I the feelings towards him will ease and slip away. No pain last forever I suppose.
Letting go of him, made me feel like a child again, learning to walk, talk, speak and live myself.
Its been a long process and still on going, I know I will get there eventually with more time and self healing.
Anita if you don’t mind me asking.. How did you become so wise?
I see you replies to a lot of people on this forum, you help so so many people with you wise kind thoughtful responses?
How is life treating you?
Sending my love B XMarch 4, 2019 at 1:04 pm #282943
Sorry my typing does not always make sense xMarch 4, 2019 at 1:35 pm #282957
I learn every day. What I refer to as my healing process started with my first quality psychotherapy in 2011. Persistently, day after day, month after month, ongoing for eight years at this point, I’ve been learning. Part of my healing process has been participating as actively as I do on this site, in these Forums. My communication here with you and with hundreds of members over almost four years has been and continues to be a valuable learning experience for me. The more I learn about others, the more I understand me. The more I learn about me, the more I understand others.
Soon I will be away from the computer for a while as I am losing focus. Please do post again, I would like to read more from you!
anitaMarch 6, 2019 at 3:21 pm #283415
Today’s been a very very good day/evening. The narc returned with a sob story, which I did not buy or entertain as much as I wanted to surrender to him. I kept strong, I did not fall.
On the other hand whilst at work today I got offered on a date by the pharmacist!!
I was so so nervous but took up the offer anyway what did I have to lose. After work I came home and got ready caught a taxi and meet him at a local bar.
It was so nice, to talk about everything and anything, I had such a good night.
We went for food and a few drinks, I did not get SMASHED! I actually enjoyed it + he is not my usual type, and it payed off.
Just thought I’d update everyone.
Thank you without this forum I would not have found the hope and encouragement I needed.
Hope you all receive this well send my love to you all B XMarch 7, 2019 at 2:04 am #283435
It’s so good to hear you sounding happy and hopeful. 🙂
You have recognised your narc for what he is. Well done you for resisting the emotional manipulation!
I hope that eventually you will cut all contact with your narc. (as I hope to do with mine!).
Lovely also to hear you went out with someone else. You sound so happy about the encounter too! I’m so glad for you. Even if it doesn’t lead to romance, you will have gained a new friend and that’s always a good thing.
I wonder if your ‘usual’ type is a narc. You have probably developed into an empathic person, either as a direct result of being with a narc, or from a need to protect yourself in childhood from a narc. I wonder if your father was one?
Empaths attract Narcs. Narcs are attracted to Empaths like moths to a flame. They know they will be able to manipulate an Empath. Narcs and Empaths are exact opposites. Google ‘Empath attraction to Narcissists’ and you will see whether this applies to you.
With best wishes, carry on moving forwards.
Jay xMarch 7, 2019 at 5:36 am #283449
Congratulations for not giving in to the ex boyfriend, who should forever be an ex, stay in your past where he belongs, and for not getting smashed on your date!
I hope to read more updates by you.