Hey anita

It did ease it a bit, but didnt bring my emotions back. I feel like im emotionally burnt out. Its not just her, its with everything and everyone, i feel like i cant give right now.

I will see psychiatrist for the first time in 15 days. and 2nd session with therapist in 2 days, still nothing.

Yesterday i opened her xmas present (i couldnt bring myself to do it earlier) and as i was going through half the gifts, i felt like my heart was gonna break and my chest will drop so i left it.

Hey anita

My timezone is GMT +2 🙂

Hey Alessa
We were fine, but she moved 200km away to work during the summer months (June-September) and around August she started pulling back a little, we started arguing and broke up by September. Wasnt toxic or anything, she probably realized she didnt want a relationship at that point (6 years later she has never been in a relationship ever since)

Yes for some reason it feels very important to me, having a person to connect and share my life with.

Let me make it more clear 🙂

It started on December 2024, it escalated during May 2025 and it was perfect all along (with 1 misunderstanding), i was so much in love, until November 10th when i think i got burnt out from giving so much energy (i suspect i have ADHD). The visit was december 8th, but i had already messed things up by telling her about my confused mind and she got avoidant.

Hey anita, let me answer

Yes so they say, but i cant feel consciously all those things..

My shutdown happened a month before i took the trip, it wasnt close to the actual trip, and we hadnt booked tickets anyway.

Indeed but why would that play a big role? There are other nevermets out there that worked well for them.
Yes she wasn’t comfortable and i felt rejected at first, but then she explained why she was so closed-off/guarded (her past experiences)

I know we didnt have real-life honeymoon phase, maybe all the chemicals were never released..So you are suggesting that if we meet more, it could become better?

But i already wrote why i consider her a great girl some posts back, its not that i blindly say that because of how i was feeling (dopamine). I can see positives and negatives.

Did i ever feel that way with the girl, u mean? Yeah, almost every day my mind says “just break up and be done with it”. But it doesnt make sense because i think if i didnt actually want her, the thought of leaving her would be a relief for me and i would move on with my life, not being in shutdown/anhedonia over that. Also what is emotional incest?

Hmm, intense, rageful and unfair to me because she was acting too much over little things.

Hey anita

I dont think its gonna be possible, if we stay apart for that long, we might aswell end it.

I wanna try and have this routine and trying to heal my attachment with her besides me if that’s possible. Do u think my mother appearing in my dream had a play in me feeling like this when i woke up?

I meant it in the way it happened in the beginning, like my guts reject her, the avoidance feeling. I was thinking of ending things yesterday because she is not having a great time with me either, but none of us could do it..

Yes exactly..

Affected in what ways ? Do u have any examples?

So i guess i correlated her to my mother and that made me shutdown?

I was always wary of not upsetting her, getting her in the bad mood, walking on eggshells/etc. I think thats how i felt with the girl lately..

What do u mean?

Did u feel like u could express things on art at first?

I mean that it was me that caused all this. I wish it was her leaving, would have been easier to deal with.