Dear Paradoxy

She had told me not to tell my only other close friend that we broke up,

She made a demand to you, that you legitimately chose not to comply with. You were not lying, but the opposite you spoke the truth to your close friend.  If a bully told you to jump of a bridge, would you beat yourself up for not complying?

Finding good healthy truths in your life are important, they will help protect you from being coerced & manipulated in future situations.

Dear Beni

If someone does not reply on a forum or the phone within a time it’s easy to feel rejected. It’s already special for our systems to communicate without seeing or hearing.  and yet you say feel pressurized by what you perceive as others expectations of you. Each of us has their own timescale/speed that also changes from circumstances/perception.

This was shown clearly to me today & I had to laugh at myself or rather my ego’s hypocrisy. I take my father out for a drive nearly everyday and he gets anxious if I drive faster than he likes, so we normally do 20mph, today we were behind two others cars and I felt impatience arise until I looked at the speedo we were doing 20mph! even as I was writing this the words dawdle and stuck came into my  mental narrative ha ha ego trying once again to cause suffering even when retelling such a minor story.

Hope you are having a good weekend

Dear Andromeda

I’m dragging my husband down and I am a burden. I know he would be better off if I set him free.

I am sorry that you feel that you are such a dark painful place. Do you realise that if you chose to exit this life, your husband could end up feeling like you do after your nephews death. I say this not to guilt trip you, but to give yourself a chance to pause and in that pause you may get a chance to see that there are other ways for your pain to end and joy to be in your life.

Even in that darkness you found the strength to feel the sunshine and listen to the birdsong. so there is something strong & vital inside you that can bear this pain & connect with the joy & beauty of this world.

I pray that you get support from the members of this site as well as those around you

Dear Pj

I am sorry about your mothers deteriorating health. Having someone bedridden is both physically & emotionally draining.

Can i ask how did she become incapacitated? Was physiotherapy an option?  My father is 93 with dementia and he will eventually loose the capacity to walk. He does have days when he is not weight bearing, this happens when he is ill with a chest infection or he regularly every six weeks or so has 2 days where he is more asleep than awake. At these times I wonder if he is going to be able to walk again, but I keep trying to keep his fitness levels up, as I know if he was in a carehome he would deteriate more quickly as they are not encouraged to wander about especially if they are deemed a falls risk like my father

There are exercises that she may be able to do whilst in bed to help with muscle wastage and I have noticed that dad tries to follow exercises that I play on you tube he enjoys chair yoga that has songs that have subtitles so that we can sing along with.

I start each day by kissing him on the forehead and telling him that I love him and that is also how I finish our day.

kind regards

Roberta

Dear Artico7

I noticed in your  last paragraph reply to Anita there were many “if” scenarios of a  perceived negative projected future .

How is this for a rethink. I am lucky, I am now free, I can now encounter a man who has a healthy connection to his family, who is kind and compassionate and I will be welcomed into the family just as I am and in the meantime I will fill my life with joy & beauty.  As you say these things note how you feel in your body & mind.

Kind regards

Roberta

Dear Imback

What kinds of things are you interested in? Is there places that you can do voluntary work in your area?

Do something that is not just for your enjoyment ie computer games etc, but helps you connect with others in your community will help  you especially if it is outdoors.

A quote by Shunryu Suzuki……Each of you is perfect the way you are …and you can use a little improvement

Dear Artic07

Each time you go over what happened, telling the story over & over in your head you are opening up that wound & pouring salt  into it. Mindfulness techniques help to make you aware that you are no longer present heart centered but have slipped into the past or future ego brain centered. The more we practice being present we are able to untangle ourselves more quickly and see the storylines that bring about the additional suffering to are already tender heart.

Roberta