Should I start over

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    I’m coping with my life right now and try not to give up. Sometimes, in the darkest days, when negative thoughts come, i really want to end this pain. I really need someone who i can talk to, someone who i can share my burden, I feel so alone and don’t know where to go. My mother has been sick since last December (she is 78 this year), after changing hospitals 3 times in a month, we finally went home and since then she has been unable to stand and has been bedridden.

    The worst thing is that I am in bank debt which I cannot currently bear in my capacity as a worker. The days to come were hard, seeing my mother suffer at the end of her life, imagining I would be chased by collectors, and the fact that my mother would be gone forever crushed me.

    I don’t know the purpose of this life anymore & where this life will take me. I’m lost and really don’t know how to be happy again (i was a cheerful person before). More of it, i don’t even know where to start if i want to put my life back together


    Dear Pj:

    You can talk to me, and to other members, right here in your thread, whenever you feel alone. I’m here every day and have been for almost 9 years (excluding a 6-month pause). Also, there are support groups for caretakers such as yourself. You can look at senior lifestyle. com/ 40 resources for adult children taking care of aging parents.

    seeing my mother suffer at the end of her life…  and the fact that my mother would be gone forever crushed me“- would you like to share about your mother, has she been a good mother to you? What did she teach you.. ?

    “I don’t know the purpose of this life anymore & where this life will take me. I’m lost“- less than an hour ago, I submitted a post to another suffering member on the topic of purpose in the midst of suffering. In it I quoted from Viktor Frankl’s famous book Man’s Search for Meaning, a 1946 book about his experiences as a prisoner in Nazi concentration camps during World War 2, a place of much suffering.

    Here are a few quotes from the book: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

    “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

    “Man does not simply exist but always decides what his existence will be, what he will become the next moment. By the same token, every human being has the freedom to change at any instant.”

    “Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how’.”

    “For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself”.

    “In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.”

    “For the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth – that Love is the ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire… The salvation of man is through love and in love.”

    The title of your thread is “Should I start over”?“- yes, please do start over and share about your new beginning here, will you?



    The purpose of any life is to live it the best one can. The first thing to keep in mine is that stuff happens. Sometimes good , sometimes bad. It will pass, hopefully. As for the bills, there is bankruptcy available. That is where you go to a bankruptcy lawyer and pay a few dollars (I do not know how much) and list all the people you owe money and show how much you have. The courts decide what you pay out and what you keep. They will try to keep it reasonable or so I hope.

    Money will come and money will go. Unfortunately can not say the same about the people in our lives. I am sorry about your mother. It is not unexpected but it still is quite a hurt when it happens. Breathe deep and try to move forward. Your mother may pass but you are still here. It will be time to think about yourself and what to do next. Do not despair. Find a Church. The people there are a good resource to talk to and find help. Sometimes even to find a friendly face.

    The next step is to look for opportunities. I do not mean buy a lottery ticket and hope for the best. Be that special person who knows what to look for that can help not only yourself but others too. Being open will help you. Shutting down will only close opportunities. So, got to keep trying. Remember to live your life. Parents teach their children to grow up and live their life. Now, it is your turn.


    Dear Pj

    I am sorry about your mothers deteriorating health. Having someone bedridden is both physically & emotionally draining.

    Can i ask how did she become incapacitated? Was physiotherapy an option?  My father is 93 with dementia and he will eventually loose the capacity to walk. He does have days when he is not weight bearing, this happens when he is ill with a chest infection or he regularly every six weeks or so has 2 days where he is more asleep than awake. At these times I wonder if he is going to be able to walk again, but I keep trying to keep his fitness levels up, as I know if he was in a carehome he would deteriate more quickly as they are not encouraged to wander about especially if they are deemed a falls risk like my father

    There are exercises that she may be able to do whilst in bed to help with muscle wastage and I have noticed that dad tries to follow exercises that I play on you tube he enjoys chair yoga that has songs that have subtitles so that we can sing along with.

    I start each day by kissing him on the forehead and telling him that I love him and that is also how I finish our day.

    kind regards



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