Felix

Who are you when you are at your best?

Who are you when you are at your worst?

No matter what age, shape. gender we are, we are all seeking happiness and want to avoid suffering and a lot of the time, a lot of people do this in unwise and unskillful ways.

If you look at life in a positive way then you will see beauty & kindness in all sorts of people & situations.

If you cultivate wisdom & compassion then life is interesting & fullfilling even when our desires are not met.

Dharma Granny

Dear Lea

I am old now but I remember that for a time in my late 20/early 30’s occasionally there was a time that I could not stand to be near anyone I hated to be touched by even my children or husband it was if my sense of personal space had radically altered. I used to warn my children that it was best to give me a wide berth. Then once my period arrived I was back to my gentle fun touchy feeley self. This did not happen every month so it took me a while to realise that it maybe related to hormones or some kind of nutritional deficiency around my menstrual cycle .

When I became vegetarian I also noticed that I would occasionally crave fat and again this coincided with my cycle.

I hope this has been of some help

Hi Girija

I think my previous answers maybe a bit to wishy washy.

So here is an example:

I want to be kind/ more kind – great aspiration to have.

Some one who has been less than skillfull in their dealings with you in the past asks you to put out the rubbish.

Is there request reasonable, is it time sensitive? ie the garbage lorry is due in shortly 15 mins

what are your immediate  needs ( I need to go to the toilet).  an honest reply I need to go to the loo then I will do it.

Question to self what am I willing to do  and what do I willingly?

Go to toilet then take out garbage maybe even ask if there is anything else you can help with. That person will feel seen & heard. You have been aware & nurtured your kindness. and you may feel that that interaction was authentic.

Got to go to work

regards Roberta

Dear Tara

Being paid a compliment/ flirted with may temporarily boosts ones self esteem & like you said in the past you have seen what these interactions are & have taken steps to not allow them to influence you unduly.

I take it that your present relationship has now settled into something more harmonious and you wish to preserve it?

Eckhart Tolle talks about something called the pain body and when it is awake it wants to feed on negativity/pain for women it can be stronger in different parts of our hormonal cycle. So maybe you can just ride this out and in a few months you may be able to smile with relief that you did not do anything hasty.

all the best

Roberta

Hi Matilda

I hope that you have had a pleasant week and that your heart/head space is feeling a bit more up beat.

I will be 60 this year and I looked after both my parents for 5 years. Mum died at the end of August last year & Dad had to go into full time care because of his dementia. I felt rudderless, not sure how to full embrace this next step of my journey especially since Covid restrictions mean that my go to place is still closed and having to work to help pay household and care fees means I can’t travel further affield or take an extended break especially since Dad still enjoys seeing me.

Please reach out and let us know that you are ok

Dear Matilda

I hear your pain, frustration & loneliness.  You have dedicated much of your life to looking after others & somewhere along the way you lost yourself.

What were your dreams? Where did you used to find joy before you became a full time carer?

Are there any volunteering opportunities where you live?

I get an email each day from the Daily Good. It has a quote which if it strikes a cord I like to copy it out neatly, sometimes I write them on a stone and leave them in a public place. it has an article to read and also a suggestion for something to do.  It gave me something to look forward to each day when I was sad & directionless.

If you go for a walk and see some one your age smile & say hello they too maybe would like to have a friend.

Best wishes

Roberta

Dear Girija

1 Maybe dont think of it as spiritual, just have curiosity about how your mind works and be gentle on yourself think of it as an experiment that takes a lot of the pressure off

2 I as many people find inspiration & answers in many different quarters, yes a lot of mine are buddhist teachers and as I get to know myself better I know which teacher I go to listen to on youtube suits my need/mood at that moment. So here are a couple Sravasti Abbey especially Bodisattva Breakfast Club mainly women talking about the dharma and how it connects to their lives – a good way to start the day especially since I have been unable visit to my monastery for nearly 7 years due to looking after parents and covid. Ajhan Brahamn is good when I need a light touch he tells jokes and stories alot. When I need my ass kicking then a good dose of Robina Courtin normally does the trick. Many of my friends really connect with Pema Chodrens style of teaching, I enjoyed her books. Eckart Tolle insights into what he calls the ‘pain body’ has really helped me understand what sometimes arises in me and others.

James Redfield Celestian Prophesies was the first book that got me thinking about life and the way I was perusing happiness

The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama was one of the first buddhist books I came across was so impressed I got copies for my sons as well as friends.

When I got more serious about things I did along distance study with Sravasti Abbey (SAFE)

3 Depending on your belief system – long and short term happiness/ suffering  will have a different timescale ie if you believe in only this one life then longterm is what 70 to 100 years , but if you believe in the cycle of rebirth then it takes on a whole different meaning. Like whenever I get disheartened which is not often then I think what all the previous me’s went through so that I get a precious human life this time round and since I spent at least the first 40 years of this life blundering around  looking for happiness in fairly unskillfull ways the best thing I can do is not squander this amazing opportunity and hopefully in the next go around I will be in contact with the dharma much earlier on and my wisdom and compassion grow.

4 I personally find great joy whilst walking the spiritual path especially since most of the time I try not  to take myself too seriously, I take pleasure in the simple things, can see some beauty almost anywhere, a simple & slower  pace of life helps

I hope this may be of use to you

Kind regards

Roberta

Dear Girija

In answer to your question what is dharma?

I guess the stock answer would be the teachings of the buddha and subsequent commentaries. it has been described as the Buddha is the doctor the dharma is the medicine and the sangha are the nurses.

But for me it is more like the truth and in the same way that there is not a buddhist gravity, a christian gravity and a different gravity for muslims, so anything that helps me understand the nature of the mind and how to live a gentler more caring way.

Not all truths are easy to understand and some can be quite painful but it does not mean giving up exploring for answers and so far the teachings of the Buddha have been a good & wise friend to me when I put them into practice.