Dear Peter:

Again, I will quote you and respond with whatever comes to my mind:

“Allan Watts… said ‘We seldom realize that our most private thoughts and emotions are not actually our own'”- no valid reason then to feel ashamed of some private thoughts because they are not my own 😊

“Just as the word tree is not a tree, fear, anger, as all such emotion when felt are not a word.”- using words which are 2-dimensional constructs as a way to avoid the 3- dimensional emotional experiences. Hiding behind words.

“Begging the question is Love a emotion?”- more of a decision and a commitment than an emotion in the long-run.

“I can hear Krishnamurti response to the call ‘that people need our love now,’ – Yes Love! What’s stopping you?”- fear. Fear of rejection, fear of being made fun of. I’ll give you an example: as I read yesterday how you ended your post, “I am after all who I am.”- I thought-felt (again) that you, Peter, are cute. I felt that affection again. I then thought of telling you that, as an act of love, I suppose (I just typed “I suppose” because of embarrassment) but didn’t want to do so for fear that you will misunderstand or think little of me. Well, I am telling you now as an act of love and courage. Hmm, this combination of Love and Courage is something I need to think more about. Correction, it’s a combination I need to experience (3-dimensional). Hey, I just did, credit given 👍

(Giving myself credit will make it less painful when I don’t receive credit from the outside).

“For Krishnamurti love is… a state of being that emerges when we cease to cling to what is not love. Love as negation… where we examine and discard what is not love (attachment, fear, competition, violence…)… A topic for another time?”-

– No time like the present, says I: For Krishnamurti, love is the core of who we are, it’s a state of being that exists when the noise of conditioned thoughts (what I called yesterday, OPT) and ego (which operates from a place of self-interest or fear) has been silenced. In essence, love as negation is not about adding more (trying harder to love) but about removing what blocks love from naturally flowing from our core.

Okay, I will let it flow from my core: I like you, Peter. I grew to like you over time and I am happy to be communicating with you!

“Tangent:… In Genesis G_d creates by speaking. In the beginning was the word… Adam (Humanity) made in the image of G_d is then given the task to name… Naming often mistaken for big C Creating. (Lead us not into temptation of mistaking the map for the territory)”- the thought occurred to me that naming things so early on (when Genesis was written), equals the 2-dimensional viewing of life, and with it, the absence of compassion (a 3rd dimension), leading G d to all those uncompassionate and unforgiving acts such as expelling Adam and Eve from the Garden and destroying much of humanity and life in a great flood.

I thought about Genesis in terms of G d’s Anger, but not in terms of G d’s lack of compassion.

“I mentioned that I can’t recall a time when I wasn’t afraid… Perhaps if I enter a hermitage or some sort it might be possible…”- I was afraid several times during the writing of this post. I mentioned one fear already. In addition, I felt that you- or another member- will criticize me for a post that is too long, too tiring to read and make fun of me by bringing this or that part of what I typed here and ridiculing it.

I just had an additional fear: that by typing the above, I gave someone reading the idea of ridiculing me, something they didn’t think of doing before I introduced the possibility.

I think that I am reducing my fear by typing the above even if my prediction comes true and someone out there does what I fear. Isolating myself in a hermitage wouldn’t give me this opportunity.

“I sit quietly and feel without labeling I notice the place in the body, It sits between the heart and throat. I do not have to verbalize it to know that it is.”- noticing the raw experience as it is, without naming it and without trying to fix it.

“I am as I am. I am done trying to fix myself, more verbalization’s of memory, the past in the present that never is… Turning me off rumination 😊 Until the next time… 😊 I am after all who I am.”- Funny Peter!

It’s time for a poem:

In quiet moments, I sit and see, The tides of thought, they flow through me.
No need to fix, no need to mend, For all begins where I choose to end.

Between the heart, the throat, a space, A feeling lives I dare not chase.
No labels, no words, just what is there.

I am as I am, no fight within, The ruminations fade, the silence begins. Not past, nor future, but this steady span—
I am, after all, who I am.

anita

More, Peter:

Krishnamurti, as you know, believed that much of our thinking is shaped by external influences—traditions, education, religion, and societal norms. He argued that this conditioning limits true freedom and creativity, as we often unconsciously adopt the thoughts of others rather than thinking independently. For Krishnamurti, true freedom comes from awareness—being fully present and questioning the origins of one’s thoughts. He believed that this awareness could dissolve the influence of conditioning and lead to a state of clarity and original thinking.

What I am getting at today is that if you find yourself ruminating, it has to be the conditioned kind of thinking (other people’s thoughts) that’s taking place. This is turning me off to rumination. I lived too long to continue to think Other People’s Thoughts (OPT) 😊

anita

Dear Alessa:

Thank you for your kind and supportive words—they truly mean a lot to me. It’s comforting to hear that I’m not alone, and your belief in me is deeply appreciated. ❤️

I resonate with your view on being a parent as a blessing and a privilege. The idea that parenting comes with the responsibility to shape and guide a little person is so profound. Like you said, things would have been very different for both of us if our parents had shared that same perspective.

Your reflection on over-responsibility from childhood struck a chord. Carrying so much at such a young age—looking after others, self-blame, and trying to protect everyone while also making sense of the world—it’s such a heavy burden to bear. It’s inspiring how you’ve come to understand and articulate those experiences.

I love the way you described the comfort you found in your dog and books growing up. Even amidst the instability of frequent moves, it’s heartening to know you had those sources of solace.

Your thoughts on how memories shape emotions are thought-provoking. The image of ‘seeds of painful experiences sprouting’ illustrates how the past can unconsciously affect us. Recognizing these patterns is such an important step toward breaking free from them.

Thank you for your thoughtful reflections, Alessa. I truly appreciate you sharing them and your encouragement. Take care of yourself—you deserve all the kindness and peace in the world. ❤️

anita

Dear Peter:

I am looking forward to processing your recent post Wed morning.

For now, you ended your post with “Has a fear of emotions become a habit and or an addiction? If I stopped the verbalization and attachments to the words, what would be left to fear?”- what comes to my mind this Tues evening is the connection between Self-Esteem and Fear.

It takes believing in myself as a worthy individual- no less worthy than any other person- that makes all the difference when it comes to fear. If I am a worthy person whom I have trust in, than others confronting me, or objecting to my thoughts and my positions, don’t have that threatening effect they once had. It’s self-doubt that breeds fear.

When I no longer doubt myself- while reflecting on and admitting to personal flaws and failures- I no longer fear people’s objections to me being me. It’s this fear of people’s rejection of me, their objection of me-being-me, that has scared me for as long as I rejected and objected to me- being me.

It is not arrogant, nor is it selfish for me to humbly trust and support myself. Someone needs to stand up for me, and to be on my side. Why not me be that person?

Back to you tomorrow.

anita