Dear Laven:

I hope that your wounds heal soon.

“I love him very much and finding it very difficult to move on“-  what is it that you love about him…?

anita

Hi Tommy,

I understand what you’re trying to do and I know that you are a good person and trying to help in your own way. But do you think there is a different way to do it? I fear that being overly negativity isn’t helpful and is pushing people out of a safe space to talk about their feelings.

A lot of people struggle with letting go and talking about feelings might not seem helpful to you, but it can be for other people. Talking can be a way to process and let go of emotions.

I have always loved reading your comments because you are insightful. But I do think you can achieve similar things in a kinder way if you put your mind to it. Being harsh with people who are already suffering, just hurts them more.

Wishing you all the best! ❤️🙏

Hi Tommy

Well these things are all a matter of perspective. Lots of people come here with broken hearts after relationships end. Not everyone grieves the loss of a relationship in the same way.

And people don’t stop feeling things in an instant because you tell them to. It takes time and hard work to get over these things. Some say, half the length of the relationship is how long it takes to heal.

I’m really sorry that you feel like you need to leave because I think a lot of people here, myself included value your messages which have shown a lot of insight. It would be a loss to the community for you to leave. I was happy to see that you were replying to people regularly. I just think that people are more receptive if they are not offended.

* Dear Tommy:

If an OP was in your living room, in your private space/ your home, talking and talking, and you don’t want to hear it,  then I’d understand your frustration and valid need to have quiet in your own home. But this is a public forum: you don’t have to enter any thread, read the writings of any member and/ or reply to anyone.

Look at the title of this thread: “The wounds are fresh and raw“. Your words (“OMG, time out. You must stop going over and over this… NOW IS THE TIME TO MOVE ON..”), what do these words do to fresh and raw wounds?

You wrote in your 2nd post: “If you feed them what they want to hear then they will go down with the ship. Kinder way to do this? Do you peel the bandage off slowly to feel every little movement as pain? Which is really more kind? Yeah, this is the last time I post here. I can not help those who chose to live in sorrow and depression.”-

– a little temper tantrum right above, Tommy? I would like to read more from you, in your own thread, if you’d like to start one, about your childhood life experience that’s behind this temper tantrum. Did the people in your early life figuratively peel off the bandages too slowly, or too quickly.. and what wounds are there under the bandages…?

Tommy, I was harsh on people too, from time to time, but I corrected myself, and so can you. I hope to read from you again!

I will close this post with a few quotes that are helping me become a better/ wiser person, in these forums and elsewhere:

“Never reply when you are angry. Never make a promise when you are happy. Never make a decision when you are sad” (A Buddhist quote)

“The Buddha taught there were five things to consider before speaking. Is what you’re about to say: 1. Factual and true 2. Helpful, or beneficial 3. Spoken with kindness and good-will (that is, hoping for the best for all involved) 4. Endearing (that is, spoken gently, in a way the other person can hear) 5. Timely (occasionally something true, helpful, and kind will not be endearing, or easy for someone to hear, in which case we think carefully about when to say it)” (bright way zen. org/ the buddha’s five things to consider before speaking)

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29)

“By your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned’. (Matthew 12:37).

anita

Dear Tommy:

So good to read from you, I was afraid you will never post again.

“When a person is hysterical, what should a person do? Hold them by the hand and say everything will be alright?“- I’d never say “everything will be alright“, I can’t predict the future, and I am not optimistic.

You are welcome, and thank you for sending this message to me.

I respect your wish to not post again for as long as you wish to not post. I will miss you though, because I like you. You are a good, humble person. You inspire me, I want to be more like you.

You are welcome here anytime, Tommy. You are a force for good (as the saying goes), thank you for being.. you.

anita