The wounds are fresh and raw.

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    It’s been 3 weeks since a person that I thought really cared and loved me “ghosted” me.

    It still hurts everyday…It doesn’t help any that we live in close proximity to one another.

    It doesn’t help that unless one of us passes or moves…we’ll have to see and randomly bump into one another for the remainder of our lives.

    No matter how many times I try to move on and think I’m making slight progress…All the emotions and hurt come flooding back…

    I can’t even enjoy looking out of my window as I often did to relax…because most of the time I do, I see him either coming or going.

    My anxieties flare up and I have mini panic attacks when it gets closer to the time he is due home from work.

    I feel used, ugly, disgusting, and disposable. Maybe it’s my fault he lied and ghosted me.

    I feel like he fetishized me, and used me to experience someone from a different culture, country, and disabled..who’s convient and lonely.

    All the women he follows on social media (before I blocked him) are of the same culture as him, big boobs, in shape, feminine, nicely styled, head full of hair, nice clothes, nice teeth etc… poloar opposites of me.

    Maybe if I looked like them, and had an actual engaging life, he wouldn’t have dropped me.

    It bothers me that he is unaffected. He’s cheery and happy. Walks around smiling. Had a good time with friends over his place last weekend. .

    It doesn’t help that he leaves the window either open, or in a highly visible state, with the lights on when he’s home.

    I feel bamboozled. I just want a happy ending with someone who genuinely cares for me.

    I had to endure a life of misery and pain, where’s my happy ending to make up or convince me the suffering was worth it in the end??

    Everyone that I’ve ever dated has done this to me. Pretended, ghosted me, some discarded me, and quickly got in relationships that lead to marriage.

    I’m tired of being taken for a fool and a toy.

    I guess I’m everyone’s crash test dummy


    I feel deep shame and embarrassment.


    I love him very much and finding it very difficult to move on.


    Dear Laven:

    I hope that your wounds heal soon.

    I love him very much and finding it very difficult to move on“-  what is it that you love about him…?



    Another thread on the same thing. Did you not say in another thread that he said he loved you? And anytime there was an argument that he would apologize to you first? That he did not want to lose you? That you feel like you were used? OMG, time out. You must stop going over and over this like there is nothing else in this world.

    Yeah, I am sorry for your hurt feelings and feel like being used. But, it happened. NOW IS THE TIME TO MOVE ONE. If you can not stand living next to him then move. Stop all this pain. Stop trying to be the martyr. If you keep whining about him and the way yo feel then you will never get better. Suffering is all you want??? Feel deep shame and embarrassment? Love him very much? This so called love story is over. Put the love story book down and continue on with your real life.


    Hi Tommy,

    I understand what you’re trying to do and I know that you are a good person and trying to help in your own way. But do you think there is a different way to do it? I fear that being overly negativity isn’t helpful and is pushing people out of a safe space to talk about their feelings.

    A lot of people struggle with letting go and talking about feelings might not seem helpful to you, but it can be for other people. Talking can be a way to process and let go of emotions.

    I have always loved reading your comments because you are insightful. But I do think you can achieve similar things in a kinder way if you put your mind to it. Being harsh with people who are already suffering, just hurts them more.

    Wishing you all the best! ❤️🙏


    Hello Helcat,

    Making thread after thread about the same thing? To just complain about this person who she believes has done her wrong but provides no proof, no explanation? She really needs to give that up or it will destroy her life. I do not see this as cruel or inappropriate as letting her continue like this so that she wades in her sorry until she drowns. She makes more thread and go over the same thing about how cruel this guy is to her. To have promised marriage and all that. But, where is his side of the story. Cause she had mention how loving he was. When they had fights he was always the first to apologize and say that he never wanted to lose her (that was her own words). So, how does a man go from not wanting to lose the love to leave her and find another woman? She sees herself as the victim. There comes a time where she has to become stronger and grow from this. To move forward. Just like the other thread where the guy came here looking for excuses so he came find a reason to forgive the girl who cheated on him. If you feed them what they want to hear then they will go down with the ship.

    Kinder way to do this? Do you peel the bandage off slowly to feel every little movement as pain? Which is really more kind? Yeah, this is the last time I post here. I can not help those who chose to live in sorrow and depression.


    Hi Tommy

    Well these things are all a matter of perspective. Lots of people come here with broken hearts after relationships end. Not everyone grieves the loss of a relationship in the same way.

    And people don’t stop feeling things in an instant because you tell them to. It takes time and hard work to get over these things. Some say, half the length of the relationship is how long it takes to heal.

    I’m really sorry that you feel like you need to leave because I think a lot of people here, myself included value your messages which have shown a lot of insight. It would be a loss to the community for you to leave. I was happy to see that you were replying to people regularly. I just think that people are more receptive if they are not offended.


    Dear Laven:

    Please do post again, here in this thread, in any of your other 3 threads, and/ or in a new thread. You are welcome to start a new thread any time you would like to.

    In the future, when you post again, if you would like readers to offer no analytical commentary on your posts (I happen to be analytical, and analyze OPs’ stories), please state so, and I will respect your wishes. To prevent judgmental replies in the future, it may help to request that readers do not reply to you judgmentally. Clearly, you need empathy, not judgment.

    (I will post this message in your April 6 thread as well).



    * Dear Tommy:

    If an OP was in your living room, in your private space/ your home, talking and talking, and you don’t want to hear it,  then I’d understand your frustration and valid need to have quiet in your own home. But this is a public forum: you don’t have to enter any thread, read the writings of any member and/ or reply to anyone.

    Look at the title of this thread: “The wounds are fresh and raw“. Your words (“OMG, time out. You must stop going over and over this… NOW IS THE TIME TO MOVE ON..”), what do these words do to fresh and raw wounds?

    You wrote in your 2nd post: “If you feed them what they want to hear then they will go down with the ship. Kinder way to do this? Do you peel the bandage off slowly to feel every little movement as pain? Which is really more kind? Yeah, this is the last time I post here. I can not help those who chose to live in sorrow and depression.”-

    – a little temper tantrum right above, Tommy? I would like to read more from you, in your own thread, if you’d like to start one, about your childhood life experience that’s behind this temper tantrum. Did the people in your early life figuratively peel off the bandages too slowly, or too quickly.. and what wounds are there under the bandages…?

    Tommy, I was harsh on people too, from time to time, but I corrected myself, and so can you. I hope to read from you again!

    I will close this post with a few quotes that are helping me become a better/ wiser person, in these forums and elsewhere:

    Never reply when you are angry. Never make a promise when you are happy. Never make a decision when you are sad” (A Buddhist quote)

    The Buddha taught there were five things to consider before speaking. Is what you’re about to say: 1. Factual and true 2. Helpful, or beneficial 3. Spoken with kindness and good-will (that is, hoping for the best for all involved) 4. Endearing (that is, spoken gently, in a way the other person can hear) 5. Timely (occasionally something true, helpful, and kind will not be endearing, or easy for someone to hear, in which case we think carefully about when to say it)” (bright way zen. org/ the buddha’s five things to consider before speaking)

    Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29)

    By your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned’. (Matthew 12:37).



    Hello Anita,

    Thanks for the words of wisdom. I do not wish to post here anymore. It seems I have lost the ability to have compassion but  …. When a person is hysterical, what should a person do? Hold them by the hand and say everything will be alright? Or does one slap the person to bring them back to the present moment? It is hard to judge such things. Which action is actually best? I am sorry for my words. And regret posting it. And it has reminded me that I still need to work on myself. And so I will stop posting. At least for a long while. In the mean time, I know you will be your great self and help people the best you can. And for that I am so grateful.



    Dear Tommy:

    So good to read from you, I was afraid you will never post again.

    When a person is hysterical, what should a person do? Hold them by the hand and say everything will be alright?“- I’d never say “everything will be alright“, I can’t predict the future, and I am not optimistic.

    You are welcome, and thank you for sending this message to me.

    I respect your wish to not post again for as long as you wish to not post. I will miss you though, because I like you. You are a good, humble person. You inspire me, I want to be more like you.

    You are welcome here anytime, Tommy. You are a force for good (as the saying goes), thank you for being.. you.



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