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We Can’t Do Everything, But We Can Do More Than We Think

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“There are plenty of obstacles in your path. Don’t allow yourself to become one of them.” ~Ralph Marston

I was sitting in a self-improvement course listening to the facilitator’s instructions. “I want you to come up with a Big, Hairy, Audacious Goal,” she announced. “This needs to be a stretch, something where you really put skin in the game. You have seven weeks to reach this goal.”

The rest of her instructions trailed off as I thought about which area of my life I wanted to improve. I overheard a few of my classmates talking to each other about …

Freeing Yourself from Problems and Habits by Seeing That You’re Already Free

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“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything—anger, anxiety, or possessions—we cannot be free.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Imagine there is a river running through you.

Your entire experience of life flows through you, down that river. Everything you think, feel, and do passes through, powered by the current of the river.

Your emotions, your opinions, your sense of identity 
 your habits, diagnoses, and choices 
 they aren’t still or solid, sitting somewhere. They are brought to life, felt, and then they drift away. They …

The Most Compassionate Words and How They Heal

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“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.” ~Dalai Lama.

It wasn’t until my mother died that I was able to feel her love and have that mother-daughter relationship that I’d been craving all my life. It was not until she died that I was able to learn, and truly feel, compassion—for her and for me.

I’ve always known that compassion for others is a nice thing. We all know that. But it wasn’t until I truly felt it that I was able to create a deep sense of healing.

My mum and I always had …

How I Transformed My Anxiety and What to Do If You Feel Emotionally Stuck

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“There is still vitality under the snow, even though to the casual eye it seems to be dead.” ~Agnes Sligh Turnbull

For as long as I can recall, I have always been a fretful and anxious person. Mine was a low-key anxiety that’s always colored the background of my life, a constant companion of ambiguous dread and imminent doom (just around the corner!)

The annoying part was that I never quite knew why the anxiety hung around. There weren’t any real situations in my life that evoked this constant, nagging fear.

I have tried various techniques to manage my anxiety. …

Take Back Your Power: Let Go of Blame and Focus on the Lesson

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“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” ~Robert Anthony

Blame is seductive because it makes us right and them wrong. For a moment, it feels good to say, “It was their fault,” but in the long run holding on to blame only hurts us and does absolutely nothing to help our evolution. In fact, it keeps us stuck.

But, I get it. When we feel wronged, upset, and angry, that person is the only one to blame.

I understand that some things are so egregious and so unforgivable that it seems impossible to not default …

The Wounds of Rejection Heal With Self-Love and Self-Awareness

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“There is no magic cure, no making it all go away forever. There are only small steps upward; an easier day, an unexpected laugh, a mirror that doesn’t matter anymore.” ~Laurie Halse Anderson

It began in elementary school. I was a chubby immigrant with a thick accent and hand-me-down clothes. I so badly wanted the other kids to like me, and I had no idea why everything I said and did seemed to push them away.

My jokes and comments would trigger awkward silences or ridicule—especially in groups. Those moments were traumatizing, but they were also confusing. How could I …

Think You Should Be Happy? It’s Okay to Feel Bad

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“We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb.” ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

From an early age, most of us get the message that we should be happy—from well-meaning parents, teachers, and even perfect strangers. “Smile!” we are told. “Why the long face?” we are asked. It’s no wonder we grow up with the idea that feeling anything less than sunny 24/7 is somehow wrong.

We’re ashamed to admit, even to ourselves, that sometimes we feel down. It seems …

A Different Kind of More: The Beauty of Living with Less Stuff

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She was all that mattered. I was deeper in debt, legal fees, and uncertainty than ever before, but I held on tight to my vow to give her more.

I would give her everything. I’d work harder, make more, buy her more, take her to see more, do more, and prove to her that everything would be okay. I had no idea that this new goal would be just as damaging, and just as hard on my heart.

My desire to give my daughter more wasn’t wrong, just misguided. While I could never have articulated it then, I did want …

How I Stopped Feeling Trapped in a Life I Didn’t Want

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“Stop thinking in terms of limitations and start thinking in terms of possibilities.” ~Terry Josephson

When I was in my early twenties I was lucky enough to spend about a year living just a few blocks from the beach in Virginia Beach, Virginia, but you know what I remember most distinctly from that time? Sitting at a red light on the way to work one day thinking: I feel trapped.

To put it simply, I felt stuck in a life I didn’t want.

I had a college degree I wasn’t using. I had a job that I dreaded. I had …

7 Self-Love Practices That Helped Me Heal from a Devastating Divorce

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“Unlike self-criticism, which asks if you’re good enough, self-compassion asks what’s good for you?” ~Kristin Neff

My husband and family were my world. Although I’d found joy in my passion of writing, my heart revolved around my marriage. I thought we were happy. Then one day, he dropped the bomb: “I don’t love you anymore.”

Two weeks later, I found out he’d fallen in love with another woman who lived across the world. He didn’t want me anymore.

Sure, I’d known for a while something was wrong—that knowing deep in your gut that you can’t put your finger on, …

What’s Helped Me Get Out of My Head and Do Things That Scare Me

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“Don’t let the fear of what could happen make nothing happen.” ~Unknown

I knew it was coming.

But as I sat there on the first day of the seminar, my stomach still did a little turn when the trainer announced the exercise we’d be doing over our lunch break:

The dreaded pizza walk!

I knew this was the trainer’s wry (but equally as unnerving) riposte to Tony Robbins’ famous fire walks. But right then, I would have much rather taken my chances with the coals.

The idea is simple: Go into a shop, restaurant, or other public establishment and make …

Life Is Fragile: Make Time for What Matters and Let Go of What Doesn’t

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“Life is precious as it is. All the elements for your happiness are already here. There is no need to run, strive, search, or struggle. Just be.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

I lost one of my very best friends when we were both just twenty-nine years old. In the time since, I’ve thought about him on most days.

Thinking about him sometimes makes me well up and feel sad. Sometimes it makes me think about the hole him not being here has left. Selfishly, perhaps, I think about how much I miss him.

Sometimes I laugh aloud at the thought of …

How to Stop Feeling Lonely and Escape the Emotional Eating Cycle

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“When you no longer believe that eating will save your life when you feel exhausted or overwhelmed or lonely, you will stop. When you believe in yourself more than you believe in food, you will stop using food as if it were your only chance at not falling apart.” ~Geneen Roth

I used to eat because I was lonely.

Lunch hour at school would last nine billion years. I’d have no one to sit with—I was spotty and mega bossy, and my hobby was copying pages from anthropology books.

Everyone would put a sweater on the chair next to them, …

The Antidote to Shame: I Know I Am Enough

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“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.” ~Maya Angelou

I grew up with a father who was an addict. When I was fourteen my dad hit rock bottom and lost a job with a six-figure salary, my parents separated, my dad went to rehab for alcoholism and sex addiction, and I learned my dad had been cheating on my mom.

My dad’s immense shame for his actions led to him being on suicide watch in the rehab hospital where he was staying. Even though I knew the word “shame” at the age of fourteen, I was …

Move Your Body, Calm Your Mind: 5 Practices That Help Ease Anxiety

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“Get out of your head and get into your body. Think less and feel more.” ~Osho

Do you want to meditate but the idea of sitting with your thoughts for twenty minutes gives you anxiety? Or maybe meditation seems like one more task you have to add to your ever growing to-do list, so you take a pass?

As a working mother of three, I’m no stranger to daily stress and routine overwhelm. Life in the twenty-first century can be pretty hectic, especially for busy moms, and so many of us search for practical ways to minimize the stress and …

Feeling Empty? Here’s How to Find Joy (and Yourself) Again

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“Many people are alive but don’t touch the miracle of being alive.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh 

“Who are you? No, really. Who are you?”

I stood at my bathroom mirror, towel twisted around my head, inspecting my own reflection. A woman I hardly recognized looked back at me with empty eyes. Empty mouth. Empty insides.

“Who are you?”

Silence.

“What do you want?”

Nada.

“What are you thinking?”

Zilch.

I sighed and reached for the toothbrush. The truth is, I’d been there before. That empty-sad feeling. The feeling of not quite fitting in. Not quite feeling fulfilled.  

Before, I’d brush …

4 Things I Needed to Accept When I Was in Transition and Felt Insecure

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“Sometimes what you’re most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.”-  Robert Tew

I want you to picture this. You are standing on a mountain, and in front of you is a taller mountain with a prettier view. Between the mountains is 100,000 foot plunge to the bottom, filled with jagged rocks. You know that you need to make it to that other mountain and that the only way for you to do so is to jump—but for some reason, you cannot move.

This is what transition feels like, especially when you have to make …

3 Questions That Help Me Stop Worrying About Things I’ve Said and Done

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“If you have fear of some pain or suffering, you should examine whether there is anything you can do about it. If you can, there is no need to worry about it; if you cannot do anything, then there is also no need to worry.” ~Dalai Lama

Another sleepless night had passed, with me worrying about whether I’d said the wrong thing to my colleague yesterday or if the tone of my email I’d sent was too critical.

They were not the only things that kept me awake.

I would go out to dinner with friends and say some ‘bad’ …

Soften into Life and You Will be Strong

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“It’s the hard things that break; soft things don’t break
You can waste so many years of your life trying to become something hard in order not to break; but it’s the soft things that can’t break! The hard things are the ones that shatter into a million pieces!” ~C Joybell C

Language is a powerful thing. Though often dismissed as “semantics,” the imagery our words and terminology impart often adds unintended or even misguided connotations onto what we intend to say.

This is why it is so difficult to speak about spirituality. When we say “God” or “salvation” or even …

How to Accept Anxious Feelings So You Can Let Them Pass

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“Don’t try and save yourself. The self that is trying to be saved is not you.” ~Mooji

Three months ago I had a strange experience.

It wasn’t strange in that it had never happened before. It was strange in that it was unexpected. Unexpected in the way a hiccup comes up out of nowhere to interrupt a meal. No, actually, it was more unexpected in the way a sudden illness overtakes a period of health.

Just for a bit of context, over the last six months, I’ve generally been the calmest I’ve felt in years—maybe even my whole life. But …