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unwanted break up…

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Mark 3 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #301383

    Adam
    Participant

    First, I am a psychologist, looking for some insight about my break up tonight.  She was an ex from two years ago, who never could commit. We broke up.  In late April, we met, and it was sparks and fire.   She has issues, and is on antidepressants, and was convinced to quit them cold turkey, by her estranged father.  Whom, just came back into her life, who she left the state for, and as a result left me in the dark for the last few weeks.  He has very strict rules about so much.  Her parents in this state, spoke of how much a piece of crap she is to me, and destroyed her.  I have been trying to stay in contact with her, out of state, but she took forever to get back to me.  But her father, has issues of his own.  TONIGHT, she admired she didnt know what she was in for. PLUS she is off her meds.  She gave me a heart felt apology how she wanted a life with me, but is convinced she is too far gone. She said its, ” Its over. Completely.”   This after saying she was happy with me, and so on and so on.   She is under strange pressure from her estranged father, why she went to him, I have no idea. Her life here was not the best either, under pressure from her step father and mother.  WHO knew how to spoon feed me garbage, to make me worry, and then I leaned on her though text… that I fully regret now.  She just kept saying how sorry she was, and how she really and truly wanted to make this work.  But she wasn’t going to leed me on.  She then said, ” If I come back to you, I come back to you. But don’t wait.”   Mostly out of character of her.  I left her the text, “I am blocking you, when you get regular cell service, text me and I’ll unblock you.”  I plan on reaching out to her in 3 months anyway.  See if she might have a change of heart, because I have been annoying I admit it. But I was scared.  Right now, I hurt so bad I cant even cry.

    #301401

    Brandy
    Participant

    Adam,

    I’m trying to understand. Before she left the state to see her estranged father she told you she was happy with you but now while with him she has decided she’s no longer happy with you. He has very strict rules and is pressuring her (to do what?) and she is also off her meds at his urging, and you believe that all these things are contributing to her decision to break up with you. Her mother and stepfather also seem to be a factor in her decision to end the relationship with you.

    What does she mean when she says “she is too far gone”? And why don’t her parents want her to be with you?

    B

    #301407

    Raju
    Participant

    Adam,

    Life is full of uncertainties.  To understand the other person we need to step into his/her shoes.  What she has been going through right now, you might not be knowing.  You yourself being a psychologist can understand things better than others, but I am sorry  it seems that your action like blocking her on phone does not seem to be a sensible decision.  Please remember we should never act like an avenger!

    See, in life we should always be ready to face set backs of any degree and must know how to handle and overcome it, otherwise  just be patient.  You are the better person to understand being a psychologist.  What I can make out from the post she is under tremendous pressure and doesn’t know what to do!  That is why she is not sure about her coming back.  When we are into a good relationship we need to give space to our partner and try to understand them  rather than creating more problems for them.

    Please don’t do any such thing which should add to her problems for which you have to regret it later.  She needs to be sympathized and wait for the time when she herself approaches to you!  If she doesn’t come back just move on believing it your destiny and assuring yourself that there must be something better in store for you.  Meanwhile, you just pay attention on your professional career, friends and loved ones and keep yourself busy oblivious of her.

    Best Wishes,

    Raju

    #301415

    Peggy
    Participant

    Hi Adam,

    I’m so sorry that your relationship has been in such turmoil and has now been broken off.  Being a psychologist has not and cannot guard you against meeting someone on a personal level whose issues might impact on your own life in this way.  I am sure you will agree that it’s always much easier to deal with other people’s anxieties where there is no emotional attachment than those happening in your own life.

    Your girlfriend has just come off anti-depressants.  This is going to be affecting her mood and how she feels.  I presume that when she says she is too far gone she means that neither you or anyone else is able to save her.  She’s right.  Ultimately, the only person that can save her is herself – you might like to point this out to her.  She’s been giving you mixed messages – she’s happy with you one minute and then calling the whole thing off the next.  She’s confused – you’re confused.

    Her parents are, from what you say, a bad influence on her.  It’s nothing to do with them how she treats you (like crap).  Both her father and mother, individually, still want control of her and the fact that you are a psychologist is probably scaring them to death.  In their own way, consciously or not, they have been engineering this break up.

    She’s given you her marching orders – she’ll come back if she comes back but don’t wait.  Take her advice – don’t wait.  There are not likely to be any significant changes in her over the next three months so you will just be setting yourself up for more of the same – ask yourself honestly is that what you want?

    Regards – Peggy

     

     

    #301489

    Mark
    Participant

    Adam,

    I am sorry for your pain.  I wonder how old are you and her?

    Are you still hoping that there will be a relationship with her?  How realistic is that considering that her father has such a negative and strong influence over her life?

    I suggest getting some help for yourself in order to understand why you are so attached to this woman who has such issues that is preventing her to fully live a healthy, independent adult life.

    Mark

     

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