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Raju

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • #301429

    Raju
    Participant

    Holly,

    We all on this earth are alone in one way or the other.  We have come alone and depart this world alone which is a hard truth.  The company of ‘self’ is the best relationship we can have and all other relations are temporary.  Its a fact that all relations that we have during our life journey will leave us at some stage or the other of life.  So, why not we seek happiness in whatever we love to do.   Lending helping hand to others without expecting anything in return is the best way to avoid boredom being single in life.

    <I can’t imagine anybody choosing me. Over all of the other women in the world. Why would they?>    There is always someone or the other out there for all of us.  There are number of such men who also think the same way as you do and you never know when you may come across meeting someone with similar liking and taste as of you.

    Best wishes…

    Raju

     

    #301409

    Raju
    Participant

    Gen7171,

    There is a proverb “Once bitten twice shy”.  The same formula applies in relationship as well.  You are giving a second try to your relationship.  You must keep in mind those things that went wrong earlier and what are things now which made you think to give a second try.  That means there are bonafide reasons and grounds to come to the belief things can be re-fixed for a second try!

    <How do I learn to be more open, patient, & not so quick to react to everything he Says> To be patient it requires constant amount of practice.  You can do it by by delaying your immediate reaction that would give you a more clearer and better picture subsequently.  Importantly, remember that once the words are spoken, we cannot take it back, even if we wish; so always think twice before speaking anything.   Bad spoken Words leave scar in others heart permanently so think judiciously before uttering them!  Secondly, always give space and time in relationship to understand things more sensibly.

    All the best!

    #301407

    Raju
    Participant

    Adam,

    Life is full of uncertainties.  To understand the other person we need to step into his/her shoes.  What she has been going through right now, you might not be knowing.  You yourself being a psychologist can understand things better than others, but I am sorry  it seems that your action like blocking her on phone does not seem to be a sensible decision.  Please remember we should never act like an avenger!

    See, in life we should always be ready to face set backs of any degree and must know how to handle and overcome it, otherwise  just be patient.  You are the better person to understand being a psychologist.  What I can make out from the post she is under tremendous pressure and doesn’t know what to do!  That is why she is not sure about her coming back.  When we are into a good relationship we need to give space to our partner and try to understand them  rather than creating more problems for them.

    Please don’t do any such thing which should add to her problems for which you have to regret it later.  She needs to be sympathized and wait for the time when she herself approaches to you!  If she doesn’t come back just move on believing it your destiny and assuring yourself that there must be something better in store for you.  Meanwhile, you just pay attention on your professional career, friends and loved ones and keep yourself busy oblivious of her.

    Best Wishes,

    Raju

    #300459

    Raju
    Participant

    Hannah,

    What you have been going through is quite understandable!  It happens when we have expectations from others.  It is quite hurting when we do not get reciprocal response from our loved ones as relationship is believed to be a two-way communication.  We all are common people and have not reached to that level where we love others selflessly and unconditionally.

    I do support your attitude that why you have to take initiative of contacting him every time.  The reason which I could make out from your post is that you are more emotionally attached to this guy than him.  You need to wait and watch this time whether he has the same feeling for you or not which will make the things clearer to you.  Thereafter, you can decided whichever way your want!  Secondly, if we have expectations from others we are bound to suffer.  Here, we need to have practical approach and less dependency of our happiness on others to make life more happier & pleasurable.

    Raju

    #300443

    Raju
    Participant

    Kristen,

    Nothing is permanent on this earth, which is quite often in the case of ‘relationship’!  Relationship always has its side effects.  Here, I do endorse your point that we should never share our fear to others otherwise they will take advantage of it.

    You were together only for a year or so.  The time you both spent together is not sufficient enough to mature your relationship, hence it’s easy to come out of it rather quickly.  Being in the relationship is not the responsibility of one person it is always two-way when one partner thinks of leaving then it means that he/she was not deeply involved into it, so it is better to let it go!

    In your case, only one person can help you that is ‘you’ yourself and none else.  You have to accept the reality and accordingly deal with it.  Life is a journey where you will be meeting many travellers, like a train journey where the passenger gets departed on reaching their destination.  Similarly, we will be meeting many persons in our life and seeing them departed.  Just move on but always remember to cherish good memories of life.  Just cherish them and focus on your future journey of life and don’t cling to your past, otherwise life would become quite miserable.

    Raju

    #300333

    Raju
    Participant

    Miyoid,

    Man is a social animal we always need someone to be there to love us.  There is nothing wrong with you if you want to be loved.  I also sail in the same boat. We yearn for someone who should appreciate, admire and love us!

    In relationship there will always be ups and down. No relationship can stay permanently. There would be fight, differences on petty issues.  There would be mood swings.  In fact we are selfish and always have expectations from our partners. At times we become demanding which irritates our partners or the partners have his preferences and priorities.

    Things start souring when we do not meet each others expectations or requirements.  In my personal life I have seen that suddenly warmness of relations start diminishing and the time you try fix up things it gets broken up completely.

    The important point here is that we being emotional get attached more seriously than our partner and that is the reason we suffer more.  To come out of it the better solution is you have to be practical in relationship and apply brain rather than thinking from heart.  Every relation give us some sort of learning and taking a lesson out of it you should move on…

    Best wishes,

     

     

    Raju

     

     

    #300109

    Raju
    Participant

    Dear Nicole,

    Its premature to say anything at this stage.  Its not clear from your post whether you both had shared your past to each other before starting living together.  Had the past of each other been discussed before getting together, then the point of daughter would have been revealed as well.  Non-disclosing of daughter issue by your partner could be due to the fear of losing you after getting known to this fact.  Anyway, it requires giving some amount of time and space to your partner or till the time he himself feels comfortable in talking to you on this issue.

    Best Wishes,

    Raju

    #300099

    Raju
    Participant

    Dear Vicky

    Frankly speaking I have joined ‘tiny buddha’ only yesterday because I find a good connection between me and this site.  According to my personal experience of life you need to view things practically from a broader perspective.  We all on this earth are like travellers.  In the journey of life, we will be meeting many persons with whom we will be sharing very closed relations, but at the peak of the journey they would suddenly get departed and at times without giving any justified reasons of their departure, leaving us fuming, fretting and shattered.

    Here, we find difficult to manage our life.  From my personal experience I tell you that I came in contact with number of persons with whom I shared a good bond, but suddenly they disappeared from life, like water bubble.  Recently, I lost a person who was like a life line to me, but I have been able to overcome because of my positive and practical approach towards life.

    In life, we have to keep on moving whatever the situations and circumstances may be!  If you could follow a simple rule in your life ‘attachment with detachment’, then there would not be any heart burning to the level you have been going through.  According to this rule, we will be socialising with the persons benefiting mutually, but keeping at back of the mind that the relationship or connection is a temporary one!  We must accept the fact that the relationships may not be permanent.  The permanent relationship we can have is with ‘self’ only.  If you learn the art of being happy in your own company, then you will experience a real bliss of life.

    Last, but not the least, there must be some buried potential and passion inside you, like sports, music, painting etc just give a try to it.  Devoting time on your passion and doing something that make you happy can change everything, but more importantly do some regular exercises (like morning walk, joining gym etc), healthy diet and of course company of good & cheering people.   While doing so, never know you may meet someone special in your journey of life!

    All the best…

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)