Hi Lost Soul,

This man that you have never met claims to love you and has asked you not to “end it”.  There is nothing to “end”.  He’s backed out of meeting you on at least three occasions.  Once – O.K. if it is genuine.  Twice – maybe.  Three times – NO.

If you don’t know what to do then do nothing.  This is going nowhere.  Don’t believe him when he says he loves you and will see you soon.  His actions are saying the opposite.

I don’t know how old you are but I am concerned that your mother wants to marry you off.  Is this what you want?  Are you prepared to marry someone to please your mother?  How important is your own happiness in all this?  Are you able to communicate with your mother?

I hope you can find your way through this.

Peggy

Hi Lost Soul,

You have been together just for the last one odd month or so and developing strong liking for each other or any kind of bonding, in such a short span of time, is unlikely.

Further, in the beginning of a relationship one tries to build trust and if at this stage itself one does not keep to his words repeatedly and more over not even bothers to respond text messages and calls that means there is something which we are over-looking.  Here, the best policy is just wait and watch and you need to think twice before moving further from here onwards.

Raju

Hi Lost soul,

There is no dilemma. Block him if you can. He’s a flake at best or hiding something at worst.

Next time date someone in your town! Or half an hour drive at the farthest! Then you could at least go over and see him or be able to suss out the scene.

Best,

Inky

Hi lost soul!

Regarding blocking him, you are basically doing that to cut contact and move on, not so that it will matter to him.  I feel you should definitely cut your losses at this point.  It’s possible he’s just scared to meet you/scared of commitment/etc., but with him living so far away (he needs to buy a plane ticket to get to you), it would be extremely hard to develop the type of relationship that would lead to a good marriage, with you two not seeing each other very much. In-person contact and time spent is very important when it comes to developing relationships, especially new ones. And they key word there is “GOOD” marriage.  You want someone whose actions line up with his words and who will do what he says he’s going to do… that way you’ll know you can always count on him, right?

I agree with Inky. It’d be best to just stop talking to this guy altogether and find someone in your own town. You can do this by joining clubs, taking part in different activities around town, see if any of your friends know any good guys or have any relatives close by that might be a good fit for you, etc. And, whatever you do, when you start dating someone, make sure their actions line up with their words. That is so, so important.

We did have differences with me arguing with him almost every other night as he would not give me enough time.

Hi Lost soul,

You have known each other for just over a month, which is a very, very short time. The fact that you are having such differences and arguing already speaks volumes to the fact that he is not someone who can meet your needs. It’s possible he realized that, and that may be why he backed off. The best advice I can give you is to figure out what your needs are (like someone who will spend a certain amount of time with you/talking to you and figure out how much time that is) and then find someone who will meet those needs.  A couple should not be arguing every other night after only a month… the first few months are generally a blissful period with very little arguing, so it doesn’t bode well if couples are arguing regularly after only 1 month.