Hi Emilia,

This is ME!!!

A palm reader long ago said, “You’re an introvert, and in the old days would have lived in a cave alone (by choice!!), but the modern world has actually made you more extroverted than you naturally are.”

There is nothing wrong with us. It’s just that our culture bombards us with such constant messages that we second guess ourselves.

Make yearly pilgrimages to see your friends (or have them visit you), and love the hell out of your boyfriend and family.

Also, volunteer (i.e. church/your local community center/etc.). Being busy while surrounded by other people may feel strange, but eventually you will find people you resonate with. Or they will find you!

Best,

Inky

Dear Emi,

I can relate to what you have written.

I too have a hard time making conversations, because I don’t feel like making small talk just for the sake of them. And like you I have very close family and friends who I am grateful for.

We may be different from the rest but I don’t think there is anything wrong with people like us. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. Even though people are different, everyone I believe shares the common goal of happiness.

In this journey we can move forward every day discovering ourselves and accepting who we are.

Wish you peace and happiness.

This is me also! I think there are a ton of introverts out there, we just aren’t as noticeable because we’re busy keeping to ourselves and enjoying our alone time and time with those closest to us rather than being out there with just anyone and everyone. So it feels like you’re surrounded by the extroverts, but your fellow introverts are here, too 🙂

There’s absolutely nothing at all wrong with you or the way you feel, and being able to enjoy solitude is a real blessing, in my opinion. The ONLY time it starts to become a real problem is when you isolate yourself to the point where you don’t talk to anyone at all. We do need at least some human interaction, but you still get enough of that with your family and your boyfriend, and even keeping in touch with friends that live far away counts, too! haha. My best friend lives across the country from me but I talk to her almost every day.

Hey Emilia (and all)

This is a subject I’ve recently come to terms with- or at least have become more self aware and accepting of.

We are surrounded in a world that judges us on how popular we are, how many ‘friends’ we have, how many ‘likes’ we get. We are constantly having to aspire to the standard set by somebody or something else and anything falling short of this is failure and before we know it we have lost sight of who we really are and the potential to live life the way we were intended to live it.

To be individual, to dare be our selves and to live a life where we are true to ourselves is a beautiful and enviable thing.

True self love can only ever come from within and can only ever be achieved if we are connected to who we really are. For far too long in my life and despite trying to resist, I have succumbed too many times to feeling wrong inside if I don’t conform to the learned behaviour, if I don’t fit in with the crowd or if I don’t adjust parts of who I am to be more successful in life. Someone else’s definition of successful, someone else’s definition of happiness!

I have always (from way back to my first re-collective memory) had a natural yearning for high levels of solitude. I remember the comfort and re-assurance I gained as a young child from sitting in a softly lit lounge watching tv alone with the rain hammering against the windows on a dark Friday night. Rainy Friday nights are my favourite thing in the world and have been ever since. They are symbolic to me of that feeling of who I am, what I love and how I want to be; by choice. I share that feeling with myself because I’m the only one that truly understands what it feels like to me. It is a choice to share my time with me, to share my happiness with me. God knows I share enough of the crappy times with me so I owe myself- right 🙂

There’s nothing wrong with spending high levels of time alone. It is who you are. It is what you need. Only you will know if you have crossed the line between being alone and being lonely and whilst you’re happy- you are never, ever alone.

Celebrate who you are. Those people who can only exist surrounded by others and in the company of others are missing something that you have. They have no more right to judge you for your choice than do you them.

Love others too but choose who and how you love. I have retained a very small number of people in my inner circle of trusted and loved friends- the ones who I treat to the true me. The ones who I speak and act from the heart with. The ones I can love because I can love myself first (or at least keep working on it).

Its your choice. Everything in your life is your choice. Don’t ever doubt or question the choices you make that come from within- they are the ones that are usually right

x

Emilia:

I can 100% relate to this.  It’s easy to feel different as an introvert, especially when you’re in a situation (like school) where you’re constantly confronted with large groups of people who all seem to be super comfortable and chatty with each other and don’t appear to have any issues whatsoever relating to others.  In college, when I was deeply struggling with my self-worth and identity, I constantly felt like a loner, isolated, pathetic even–even though I had friends who cared about me.  I definitely carried around that feeling you describe of wondering if something was wrong with me, like maybe I couldn’t grasp something fundamental about human interactions that everyone else understood so easily.

As I’ve gotten older, though–and felt more comfortable in my own skin–I’ve realized that I’m not a loner, per se; I very much enjoy being around other people.  But I do best in situations where I’m with people I can be myself around, a handful of “kindred spirits.”  And being alone is great too.  To me, Western society (especially in Instagram/Facebook age) values quantity in friendships over quality, but I see the value in friends that I can have those deep conversations with, friends who are on the same wavelength, who encourage, challenge and inspire me.  And frankly, a lot of people who seem to have a plethora of friendships don’t necessarily have that.  Real friends are rare, and I think introverts are particularly adept at keeping true friendships alive, cultivating them, and valuing them over the surface-level, fleeting relationships that come and go.

Something that made me feel better about who I am (and that made me realize that I’m not alone) is reading the Highly Sensitive Person person book.  There are tests that you can take online to assess whether you fall into the category of being an “HSP.”  To me, when I realized that I was an HSP and that there were others like me, it was easier (and exciting!) to learn that I have a cognizable personality trait that accounts for a big part of why I felt “different” growing up.  I definitely recommend checking it out as I suspect you might fall into that category yourself–or even if you don’t, could probably identify with a lot of the traits that HSI’s possess.

As this thread shows, there’s a community out there of people just like you. You aren’t alone, and the fact that you’re starting to accept and embrace this quality about yourself–instead of rejecting or resenting it–is admirable!

Peace,

Lena