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Prash

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 195 total)
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  • #224757

    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Lily

    Your statements

    And in the case of my brief encounter with that man, I fear that I might have hurt him. I probably have. I wasn't able to give him the feeling that he is loved. He doesn't want to talk to me it seems. I also won't call him again, as I want to respect his decision. Even though I wish we could talk at least one final time about what happened.

    I'm just wondering about: what did I do wrong? But I know, I should have taken it more slowly. I worry about what he might think and if he is okay. If he is indeed sick? It would be so terrible if he got sick because of me.

    These are not the words of a toxic person. These to me are from a person who is concerned for others, someone who is considerate of another person's wishes, someone who respects others.

    About your experiences with your other friends, as you have written there are specific different situations which need their individual solutions. Labeling yourself as not a good friend or difficult person is not a good idea as you work on your solutions.

    Glad to know the writing is helping you. It really does by crystallizing our thoughts and helping us see it an objective way. Keep writing.

    Wish the best for you.

     

    #224747

    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Lunesis,

    You are most welcome.

    Have you considered why you feel adopted by your family other than this feeling of belonging else where. For example, a regular misunderstanding from their side whenever you have expressed something or a constant disapproval?

    When you have this feeling of belonging somewhere else do you have a vision of what this other place or family looks or feels like?

    Either way, don't let these feelings stop you from living the best life that you are meant to. Move forward; if it is an idea of some other place, maybe traveling will help. Do things that you feel good about.

     

    #224743

    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Lily,

    What makes you think you are a toxic person? None of what you have written seems to suggest that. It is only that inner critic in you that makes you feel that way. That voice has been making you feel that way for a very long time.

    From the responses that you have got here and on all your previous posts, it must be clear to you that none here think you are ‘bad’. You can change the way you talk to yourself. You had already started noting down your thoughts.

    For each thought that calls you out as ‘bad’ look to the reality of the situation. Note down every ‘good’ things that you feel about you, expand on it and with persistence you can win over your inner critic.

    When you nurture yourself you are doing good to yourself; when you are good to yourself, you can easily be good for others but being good to yourself comes first.<span class=”Apple-converted-space”> </span>

    Take care

    #224741

    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Flove,

    Everyone makes mistakes. Guilt so long as it helps you in learning is helpful but after it serves that purpose you need to let go of it and focus on the present moment. In the present moment if you do the right things to yourself and to others, then you get back on the right path.

    Give yourself time to recover both from the relationship with A and also from the relationship with your ex to whom you kept going back to. It is better to venture in to another relationship only once you are clear about what you want out of the relationship and after closure of all your previous ones. Else you may find the pattern repeating.

    When you do things more consciously, more after reflection, the less external gossip is likely to affect you. The more you focus on yourself, the less what others talk about is likely to affect you.

    Take care

    #224739

    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Lunesis,

    You may be able to find your answers in your day to day situation. You may have to question yourself hard about what is it that you are missing in your current situation, try and get a specific answer as to what you are expecting out of the relationship that you are expecting to go back to.

    Being sad and locking yourself up is unlikely to help you. Looking for these answers may help you; maybe the relationships that you seek is what you already have or what you are likely to get when you start going out.

    Take care

    #224703

    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Neha,

    Keeping the distance to preserve your emotional health sounds a good choice to me. You can stick to social niceties but stay true to what you feel is right. Look for other friends who are likely to give you that balanced friendship that you are looking for.

    Take care

    #224699

    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Savanah,

    It is his loss that he has treated a loving person in this manner. Take care of yourself.

    #224557

    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Mamat,

    What are the incidents that make you feel “Like maybe I’m an embarrassment to her.”Could you give examples of the way she has reacted to your concerns in the past? What is your son's role in all this?

    Maybe looking at the answers to the above questions will help you see things for what they are.

    Take care

    #224555

    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Neha,

    How long has this friendship been? What are your expectations from this friendship?

    Maybe a healthy balance is what you need when it comes to handling the friendship. I mean a healthy balance in expectations and how much you are investing in this friendship.

    The only thing that you can be reasonably certain is what is going on in your mind. With respect to your interactions with her, you will need to do what feels right to you. Given the variable response that you have received so far from this person, it is likely that this person may continue to respond in the same manner.

    Confronting her further does not seem a good option as her responses to that have hardly been helpful to you. Staying away to make the other person come to you may not be healthy but staying away for your emotional health is.

    Take care

    #224443

    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Running,

    Good to read from you and great to have you back here.

    I have been well, thank you so much for your response and enquiring. Sorry to hear about the loss of your mentor. Hope you are coping well.

    Zero issues on any commitments here 🙂

    How have you been doing? Looking forward to read from you.

    #224427

    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Ayumi,

    Hope you don't mind that I have posted here since you have addressed the post to Anita. She has given remarkable advice as always and you have taken it in a very positive way which shows your sincerity.

    As a response to your last post,

    Reduce impulsivity by mindfulness, meditation, breathing exercises. Some amount of impulsivity will always be there. Introduce pauses during the course of your day by reflecting on short vs long term consequences. The more you do it the better you become.

    Learning to love yourself begins by recognizing that no matter what has happened in your life, you have an intrinsic self worth. Believing that is first and foremost. Understand what it is that prevents you from loving yourself. It could be something that you have habitually been told or something that you habitually tell yourself. Challenge that with realistic and rational statements.

    From your example in this situation you have already done that nicely.

    What you have written initially is that “I am the toxic person in this relationship”. When you say that to yourself you can modify that to something like – “I am not toxic all the time, there are so many beautiful things that I have done in this relationship. I may have done some things that are toxic but that does not make me a toxic person. Rather I will work at it and do my best to nurture this relationship.”

    Whenever you find yourself talking to yourself in a self berating way you replace it with a more realistic self nurturing response. The more you take care of your well being, the less you will find the need to derive happiness and recognition from others.

    Hope this helps

    Take care.

    #224375

    Prash
    Participant

    Dear yogalover,

    It appears as if he thinks his parents are shallow in their mentality.

    If he has made you feel low and not done anything concrete to make you feel better, moving away from him is your best option. You wrote about helping each others' growth. If his growth has not helped him to stand up to his parents for you, then again he is not good news for you.

    Never let anyone affect your self esteem.

    Take care

    #224373

    Prash
    Participant

    *Re-posted

    Dear Sky,

    One aspect of your current situation is that it is temporary and you are going to finish your current educational process in a year’s time.

    You described anxiety attacks, guilt, anger, pain and unhappiness inside.

    One suggestion is to try and deal with just one situation at a time, to keep focussed on just the thing that you are doing in the best way that you can. Our external circumstances are as it is difficult to deal with. It is not fair to ourselves that we compound that by pressurizing ourselves with expectations that are unreasonable.

    About embracing isolation, we need to understand and accept that we are good and worthy as we are. Anytime we find ourself criticizing ourselves, we need to challenge that and replace it with thoughts that are nourishing.

    There is no hard and fast rule that making friends after 30 has to be difficult. When we love ourselves, when we understand and do what is best for ourselves, then people who are good for us and well suited to us are more likely to come to our lives.

    Take care

    #224371

    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Sky,

    One aspect of your current situation is that it is temporary and you are going to finish your current educational process in a year’s time.

    You described anxiety attacks, guilt, anger, pain and unhappiness inside.

    One suggestion is to try and deal with just one situation at a time, to keep focussed on just the thing that you are doing in the best way that you can. Our external circumstances are as it is difficult to deal with. It is not fair to ourselves that we compound that by pressurizing ourselves with expectations that are unreasonable.

    About embracing isolation, we need to understand and accept that we are good and worthy as we are. Anytime we find ourself criticizing ourselves, we need to challenge that and replace it with thoughts that are nourishing.

    There is no hard and fast rule that making friends after 30 has to be difficult. When we love ourselves, when we understand and do what is best for ourselves, then people who are good for us and well suited to us are more likely to come to our lives.

    Take care

    #224369

    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Miranam,

    This exchange has been very fruitful for me too. After I read your last post, I was relooking at how automatic patterns tend to recur in my life. Specific situations and behaviors tend to elicit specific lines of thought. With mindfulness, I am aware of what happens and with conscious effort it is possible to change the line of thought. But as you said it is hardwork and difficult but the effort is totally worth it. I used to think that there should be an ease to it if it is “natural” but if “natural” or default mode is not leading to what I want then effort even if it is difficult is totally worth it when it leads to betterment.

    I liked the way you defined passion and expectation. Passion – a strong emotional investment into something which has an outcome. Expectation – a desire for an outcome.

    And yes I believe when the outcome or goal is something that you keep in the realm of our own control, then passion can be kept alive on an ongoing basis. Joy and fulfillment can be felt as and when it is achieved; even after achieving it you create more achievable outcomes and the joy should grow.

     

     

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 195 total)