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Radical Gratitude: How to Turn Your Pain into Peace

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My journey to living in gratitude began in 2010. And let me say that up until that time, until I was age forty-five, I was a complainer, griper, and a whiner, with absolutely no reason to complain!

Luckily, I was saved from these very wasteful, counter-productive habits when I was given a blank journal one Thanksgiving season by a New Thought minister, who told us if we journaled five things we were grateful for forty days, our life would change exponentially for the better.

I dutifully wrote my gratitude lists, and oh my god, my life did change. It …

Why I Was a People-Pleaser and How I Stopped

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“When you say “yes” to others, make sure you aren’t saying “no” to yourself.” ~Paulo Coehlo

For as long as I can remember I have been a people pleaser. I have prided myself on being well-liked, on saying yes and never saying no. I go out of my way for people even when it’s inconvenient for me. I have felt proud that a skill of mine is accommodating people so much so that I am needed. I avoid conflict; I make the jokes. I am happiest when I feel like people are happy with me.

For some time, this …

How to Reap the Benefits of Meditation Without Meditating

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“Absorb what is useful, discard what is useless and add what is specifically your own.” ~Bruce Lee

The benefits of meditation are far reaching and have been well known for centuries. However, the idea of formal meditation doesn’t sit well with some of us.

The idea of sitting cross-legged for extended periods and delving inward puts many of us off before we’ve even got started. Even the word “meditation” can be a very real barrier to entry for some. What a shame, as the many benefits of meditation can be good for us all.

Those benefits can include:

…

The Skills You Need to Survive Stress When It Hits

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“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” ~William James

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt your world was ending? When the stress was overwhelming and you were so miserable, all you wanted to do was wallow in it and growl at the world from underneath the bed covers?

Or maybe you worry about things that might happen in the future. Do you see a minor accident on the road and have those flashes of imagining that your partner or your child died in a car crash?

Does your imagination …

10 Things I’ve Let Go and How This Has Set Me Free

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“I do not fix problems. I fix my thinking. Then problems fix themselves.” ~ Louise Hay

Looking back on my life, I came to understand that perfection was my worst enemy. I was raised in an environment of high expectation, and every day in school felt like I was competing with others and fighting to be the best in class.

At the age of ten I believed I was stupid just because my brain couldn’t work out physics and math. I was good with literature, arts, and foreign languages, but that wasn’t a sign of brilliance in the Eastern-European …

How I Healed from Gaslighting and Found Self-Love After the Abuse

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“I smile because I have survived everything the world has thrown at me. I smile because when I was knocked down, I got back up.” ~Unknown

Had you asked me only two years ago I wouldn’t have even been able to tell you what gaslighting was, nor that I had been a victim.

That’s the thing about gaslighting, it can sneak into your life unknowingly, and before you know it, it can lead you to breaking point where you are doubting your sanity and your life is spiralling out of control.

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse, where an …

If You Want a Healthy Relationship, Value Yourself

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“It’s all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self-love deficit.” ~Eartha Kitt

I always found the concept of self-love embarrassing and horrifying. Just thinking about it would make me cringe. It felt completely wrong, and I didn’t understand what it was all about. Quite frankly, I felt disgusted by it and thought it was a new-age invention by self-centerd people who wanted to have more opportunities to be selfish.

Sure, I was young then, but I can now also see how that …

When You’re Unhappy and Want Things to Change

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“Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.” ~Seneca

This is the first time I am admitting it: I was bullied in school.

I was thirteen years old at the time, and it went on for the one year that I lived in Dorm 11. I never acknowledged it because I felt bullying was too small a misfortune to complain about.

But now when I think back to it, I can remember exactly how the dormitory looked. I remember the view from the windows, the corridor in front of my dorm. I remember the faces of the other kids …

How To Make Peace With Your Noisy Mind—7 Tips From An Ex-Monk

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“Leave your front door and your back door open. Let thoughts come and go. Just don’t serve them tea.” ~Shunryu Suzuki

There are few things more exasperating in life than having a noisy chatterbox in residence between your ears—a busy mind that never stops and won’t leave you in peace for a moment.

You are sitting by the pool on your long-awaited vacation.

The weather is perfect. Your diary is clear. You settle down on your deckchair with an ice-cold drink and your favorite book.

Everything is perfect—well, almost everything.

The message “on vacation” clearly hasn’t got through to the …

How the Past and the Future Can Rob You of the Present

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“Remember then: there is only one time that is important and it is now! The present moment is the only time when we have any power.” ~Tolstoy

Stop for a second and tell me: What were you thinking about just now? Chances are very good that you were thinking about something either in the past or in the future.

Of course, some of that thinking is necessary. For instance, we think about what we need to get at the store to make dinner tonight, or what we saw on the news yesterday to consider where we stand and what to …

Why an Internal Focus is The Solution to All of Your Problems

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“The moment you take personal responsibility for everything in your life is the moment you can change anything in your life.” ~Hal Elrod

I’m an introspective person, and at this point in my life don’t have any problems with taking personal responsibility. When I share my insights or understanding of situations I have been in, people often say, “Marlena, why are you so hard on yourself? What about the people that have wronged and harmed you? Why do you never mention them?”

For most of my life, I was trapped in a victim mindset, which meant that I focused …

You Are Not “Too Much” to Be Loved

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“If you always feel like you’re too much or too little, maybe you’re adding yourself to the wrong recipe.” ⁠~Sophia Joan Short

There is an art to shrinking yourself.

As a young girl, I was painfully earnest. I hadn’t learned the craft of nonchalance that was as much a requirement for being liked as name-brand clothes and Livestrong wristbands. One day, as I chattered excitedly on the school bus home, my seat-mate scolded me: “Hailey. Calm down. You’re so annoying.”

This is how I learned that my enthusiasm made me unlikable.

At home, short tempers led to angry arguments…

Growing Up with a Narcissist: How I’m Healing from the Abuse

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“You could have grown cold, but you grew courageous instead. You could have given up, but you kept on going. You could have seen obstacles, but you called them adventures. You could have called them weeds, but instead you called them wildflower. You could have died a caterpillar, but you fought on to be a butterfly. You could have denied yourself goodness, but instead you chose to show yourself some self-love. You could have defined yourself by the dark days, but instead through them you realized your light.” ~S.C. Lourie

As the memories of my childhood flash within my mind, …

Why I Was Desperate to Be With an Unavailable Man

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“If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be chasing after people who don’t love you either.” ~Mandy Hale

In January, a couple of years ago, I had been declared unfit for work, suffering from anxiety and mental exhaustion. For too long, I had not listened to my body and soul complaining about all the heavy burdens I had been carrying.

Out walking at this time, the bitter cold and relentless rain felt like a blessing to me, grateful to at least feel something. It was on one of these walks that I first bumped into an old school friend, hearing …

Embodied Trauma Conference: a Free Online Event, Feb 3-8

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Would you say you’ve experienced trauma in your lifetime?

Perhaps it’s an obvious yes—if you’ve fought in a war, you’ve been abused, or you’ve survived a tragic accident or natural disaster. But odds are, even if you haven’t experienced these things, you’ve lived through something traumatic—the death of a loved one, a serious illness, or even a divorce.

We all go through harrowing events that challenge and change us. If we don’t face the pain head on, our unhealed traumas can leave us stressed, depressed, or unable to cope with daily life. They can affect our mood, sleep, and appetite, …

My “Stress” Was Actually High-Functioning Anxiety

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“Anxiety is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you very far.” ~Jodi Picoult

Many years ago, I worked in the technology sector in Austin, Texas, which is a big “tech town.” I was incredibly focused on building my career and earning a higher and higher salary.

I also have two daughters, who were in elementary school at the time. I’m divorced and am the primary care giver for them. Like so many divorced moms, I was doing a lot.

I would run through a mental list of daily to-dos from the …

When You Want to Make Progress Fast and Feel Impatient

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“Tortoise was over the line. After that, Hare always reminded himself, ‘Don’t brag about your lightning pace, for Slow and Steady won the race!‘“ ~The Tortoise and the Hare (Aesop’s Fables)

I was sitting in an introduction to calligraphy workshop when a fellow student asked the instructor, “What do I need to become a professional Calligrapher, what would it take?”

We were all on the edge of our seats with that one. It was as if we were about to learn the secret ingredient to Grandma’s cookies.

The answer, to our surprise, was pen and paper.

“The materials are no …

How I Found the Gift in My Pain and Let Go of Resentment

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“Change is inevitable, growth is intentional.” ~Glenda Cloud

How much time slips by when you’re living in the pain of resentment? Do you ever question if your bitterness has held you back from living your true destiny? Is blaming everyone else sabotaging your life and future?

It’s only now that I can admit to the years I wasted pointing the finger at everyone else. It was easier for me to say it was their fault than accept responsibility for my own decisions. For me, attaining perfection was validation to my success. If it wasn’t achievable, then it was obviously …

How Yoga Gave Me the Courage to Stop People-Pleasing

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“Yoga is the journey of the self, through the self, to the self.”  ~The Bhagavad Gita

Growing up, I couldn’t have been further from my ‘self.’ Early childhood experiences taught me to focus all of my energy externally. To put everyone around me first and to be insatiably attentive to their needs. This kind of thinking instills you with an incredibly low sense of self-worth, disconnects you from your own feelings and desires, and ultimately leaves your happiness pinned to other people.

When you have low self-worth, you mostly want to contract away from the world like a turtle. …

What You Need to Know If You Obsess About Weight Loss

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“By choosing healthy over skinny you are choosing self-love over self-judgment.” ~Steve Maraboli

If we actually care about health, in 2020, we have to stop trying to lose weight.

I know, that’s the opposite of what we’ve been taught to believe, but stay with me while I explain why I say that.

Dieting and weight loss obsessions are actually causing weight gain and poorer overall health outcomes in our population.

Our culture has been obsessed with weight loss for generations. We’ve been constantly bombarded with ridiculous “lose fat fast” claims by more and more supposedly miraculous diets. It’s been going …