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Why I Was Desperate to Be With an Unavailable Man

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“If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be chasing after people who don’t love you either.” ~Mandy Hale

In January, a couple of years ago, I had been declared unfit for work, suffering from anxiety and mental exhaustion. For too long, I had not listened to my body and soul complaining about all the heavy burdens I had been carrying.

Out walking at this time, the bitter cold and relentless rain felt like a blessing to me, grateful to at least feel something. It was on one of these walks that I first bumped into an old school friend, hearing …

Embodied Trauma Conference: a Free Online Event, Feb 3-8

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Would you say you’ve experienced trauma in your lifetime?

Perhaps it’s an obvious yes—if you’ve fought in a war, you’ve been abused, or you’ve survived a tragic accident or natural disaster. But odds are, even if you haven’t experienced these things, you’ve lived through something traumatic—the death of a loved one, a serious illness, or even a divorce.

We all go through harrowing events that challenge and change us. If we don’t face the pain head on, our unhealed traumas can leave us stressed, depressed, or unable to cope with daily life. They can affect our mood, sleep, and appetite, …

My “Stress” Was Actually High-Functioning Anxiety

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“Anxiety is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you very far.” ~Jodi Picoult

Many years ago, I worked in the technology sector in Austin, Texas, which is a big “tech town.” I was incredibly focused on building my career and earning a higher and higher salary.

I also have two daughters, who were in elementary school at the time. I’m divorced and am the primary care giver for them. Like so many divorced moms, I was doing a lot.

I would run through a mental list of daily to-dos from the …

When You Want to Make Progress Fast and Feel Impatient

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“Tortoise was over the line. After that, Hare always reminded himself, ‘Don’t brag about your lightning pace, for Slow and Steady won the race!‘“ ~The Tortoise and the Hare (Aesop’s Fables)

I was sitting in an introduction to calligraphy workshop when a fellow student asked the instructor, “What do I need to become a professional Calligrapher, what would it take?”

We were all on the edge of our seats with that one. It was as if we were about to learn the secret ingredient to Grandma’s cookies.

The answer, to our surprise, was pen and paper.

“The materials are no …

How I Found the Gift in My Pain and Let Go of Resentment

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“Change is inevitable, growth is intentional.” ~Glenda Cloud

How much time slips by when you’re living in the pain of resentment? Do you ever question if your bitterness has held you back from living your true destiny? Is blaming everyone else sabotaging your life and future?

It’s only now that I can admit to the years I wasted pointing the finger at everyone else. It was easier for me to say it was their fault than accept responsibility for my own decisions. For me, attaining perfection was validation to my success. If it wasn’t achievable, then it was obviously …

How Yoga Gave Me the Courage to Stop People-Pleasing

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“Yoga is the journey of the self, through the self, to the self.”  ~The Bhagavad Gita

Growing up, I couldn’t have been further from my ‘self.’ Early childhood experiences taught me to focus all of my energy externally. To put everyone around me first and to be insatiably attentive to their needs. This kind of thinking instills you with an incredibly low sense of self-worth, disconnects you from your own feelings and desires, and ultimately leaves your happiness pinned to other people.

When you have low self-worth, you mostly want to contract away from the world like a turtle. …

What You Need to Know If You Obsess About Weight Loss

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“By choosing healthy over skinny you are choosing self-love over self-judgment.” ~Steve Maraboli

If we actually care about health, in 2020, we have to stop trying to lose weight.

I know, that’s the opposite of what we’ve been taught to believe, but stay with me while I explain why I say that.

Dieting and weight loss obsessions are actually causing weight gain and poorer overall health outcomes in our population.

Our culture has been obsessed with weight loss for generations. We’ve been constantly bombarded with ridiculous “lose fat fast” claims by more and more supposedly miraculous diets. It’s been going …

Growth Isn’t Always Linear: Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

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“If you are going through a time of discouragement, there is a time of great personal growth ahead.” ~Oswald Chambers

If I were to look back at my life thus far, as I often do, I’d notice a pattern of events and feelings resembling the activity on an EKG monitor.

For every peak, there’s been a valley. For every leap forward, there’s been a stumble backward—sometimes just an inch, and other times, what seemed like miles.

Recognizing and embracing this has brought me a tremendous amount of peace, because I once believed that progress required a steady, consistent ascent …

If You Think Reaching Your Goal Will Make You Happy…

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The path IS the goal.

The process is more important than the result.

Life is a journey, not a destination.

There are three very common, some might say cheesy and clichéd sayings you may hear when it comes to taking action to reach your goals.

Some of you are probably rolling your eyes already, and I did when I first heard quotes like these.

But I’ve recently realized something that has made me U-turn on a lot of my own old, outdated beliefs around goal-setting and achievement and acquisition of material things, or just generally “making it” in life.…

How Holding On to Unrequited Love Keeps You Alone and Stuck

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“Let no one who loves be unhappy, even love unreturned has its rainbow.” ~James M. Barrie

My first experience with unrequited love took place when I was a little kid at swimming lessons.

I developed a huge crush on one of the instructors. I don’t remember his name, but I remember the excruciating feeling of absolutely adoring someone who didn’t even know I existed. I wish I could say that this was a one-time experience, but it wasn’t.

Sadly, this pattern continued for many years. I seemed to have a radar device installed in my heart that would automatically fixate …

Why This Will Be the Year I Stop Running from Pain

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“One has to accept pain as a condition of existence.” ~Morris West

This may seem sounds counter-intuitive, but this year I want to let go of trying to avoid suffering.

It doesn’t mean that I am a masochist and plan to spend the next year being miserable. It’s more a question of learning to accept life as it is—uncertain, full of surprises, and with its full quota of difficult circumstances.

Our Wish for Happiness

The thing is that we all want to be happy. There’s nothing wrong with that, but if we fear not being happy, then we …

12 Habits to Adopt to Make This Your Best Year Yet

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Many of us head into the New Year with big goals and ambitions. We think about everything that seems to be lacking in our lives and imagine ourselves far happier and more fulfilled on the other side of massive change.

There’s no denying that certain accomplishments can amp up our life satisfaction, but I’ve found that our daily habits are the biggest contributor to our happiness.

You can have a job that excites you, the best body of your life, and the perfect partner for you, but none of it will fully satisfy you if you don’t also prioritize the …

Why You Have to Share What You Really Feel and Want in Relationships

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“Any relationship that could be ‘ruined’ by having a conversation about feelings, standards, or expectations wasn’t really firm enough anyway, so there isn’t much to ruin.” ~Unknown

So many of us believe that not expressing ourselves is a noble thing to do. We get to feel stoic and in control. Others get emotional and overwhelmed while we can keep it together. The idea that we are strong because we don’t express our feelings is also socially reinforced, so we keep doing it because it’s the right thing to do, right?

Not quite.

In my previous blog post “The Negative …

4 Sensitive Superpowers That Can Change Your Life (and the World)

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“You were born to be among the advisors and thinkers, the spiritual and moral leaders for your society. There is every reason for pride.” ~Elaine N. Aron

Stop being so sensitive. Lighten up. You’re oversensitive. Stop overthinking. You’re weird.

If you’re anything like me, you’ve had those words slung at you like rocks from a slingshot for as long as you can remember. The underlying message is clear: You’re too much. There’s something wrong with you.

Your heart strings have always been like finely tuned antennae, picking up on even the most subtle signals of other people’s heartache and …

Take the 31-Day Healthier You Challenge (Giveaway!)

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It’s almost that time again—the beginning of a New Year, when many of us consider how we can become happier, healthier, more fulfilled people.

While I personally think we can create positive change at any time of year, I’ve always appreciated the sense of possibility that January brings. And I often try to start the year with healthy mini-habits that boost my physical and mental health—because everything’s easier from there.

Whatever you want to accomplish—whether you want to make changes in your career, expand your social circle, or open yourself up to love—you’re better positioned to do it if you’re …

When Your Heart Is Broken, Just Keep Moving

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“Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have is not permanent.” ~Jean Kerr

Here’s the thing no one tells you about dating—it sucks. The uncertainty, the inconsistency, the stress. Dating has always been easy for me. Or so I thought.

The more I think back, the more I see I accepted things I really shouldn’t have in all of my relationships. I allowed my needs to be put last, I took on blame, and I stayed when I wasn’t made a priority.  For what reason I am still not entirely sure. But I can tell you …

20 Powerful Quotes to Help Minimize Conflict and Drama

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The holidays can be a lot of fun, but let’s face it, they can sometimes be stressful, particularly if you spend them with family. Surrounded by multiple generations of people, many with different perspectives and beliefs, it’s easy to feel triggered or annoyed.

Then there are the challenges associated with going home, whether that means visiting a physical location or returning to the (possibly unhealthy) mental space you occupied as a kid.

And if you do fall into old landmines, it’s all the more frustrating because holidays come but once a year, and they’re supposed to be joyful, right?…

The Wounded Child Who’s Scared and Running Your Life

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“The cry we hear from deep in our hearts comes from the wounded child within. Healing this inner child’s pain is the key to transforming anger, sadness, and fear.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

We all have a wounded inner child. Recently, my wounded child was hurt that my sister hadn’t called or texted me for several weeks. It seems like I’m always the one who has to reach out to her, and my wounded child feels like she doesn’t really care about me.

My wounded child was also scared the other day, because I didn’t have a lot of work in …

The Simple Tools That Have Saved My Mental Health

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“Think of the world
you carry within yourself and set it above everything that you notice about you. Your inmost happening is worth your whole love, that is what you must somehow work at, and not lose too much time and too much courage in explaining your attitude to people.” ~Rainer Maria Rilke

My twenties taught me many things about navigating the outside world as an adult. Ironically, the biggest lesson was learning to pay close attention to my inner world.

I turned thirty years young this year. Being on the cusp of a new decade feels momentous.

Over these last …

Compassion Is the Key to Overcoming Hardship (and Insomnia)

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“You can never know how many lives you’ve touched, so just know it’s far more than you think. Even the tiniest acts of love, kindness, and compassion can have a massive ripple effect. You have made the world a better place, even if it doesn’t seem like it.” ~Lori Deschene

I never had trouble sleeping until I got divorced. I never had a nervous breakdown either. Bankruptcy, fighting for custody of my children, and losing my business and my home definitely pushed things over the edge.

What made matters worse is that unabated, stress-related sleep deprivation can lead to …