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Are You Too Nice? How to Be Kind and Be Good to Yourself

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“We must each lead a way of life with self-awareness and compassion, to do as much as we can. Then, whatever happens we will have no regrets.” ~Dalai Lama

I finally decided that I would call my friend. By then, our lunch plans wouldn’t have made any sense since it was getting close to midnight.

She answered and started speaking immediately. “Hey, I lost track of time. I’ve been running a lot of errands today. Oh, did you hear about this new job opportunity I’m getting? No? Let me tell you about it
”

I felt a wave of emotion within …

Life Isn’t Good or Bad; It Just Is

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“Freedom is instantaneous the moment we accept things as they are.” ~Karen Maezen Miller

Seemingly for months now, upon learning anything new, my seven-year-old daughter has asked me, “Is it good or bad?”

Not brushing at night—good or bad? One hundred degree temperatures—good or bad? Water leak in the furnace—good or bad?

Some things are more obvious than others, but it’s the stuff in the middle that requires a more subtle explanation, especially as I go through life with the stress and anxiety of trying to both deal with uncertainty and figure out life in the “new normal” called chaos.…

Balancing Social Time and Solitude: How to Find Your Golden Ratio

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“A wise man makes his own decisions; an ignorant man follows public opinion.” ~Chinese Proverb

I’d like you to ask yourself a simple question: Do you know if you’re an introvert or an extrovert?

If you’re uncertain of the answer, you might accidentally be draining your energy with too much time spent socializing, or boring yourself to death with too much time spent in solitude.

Extroverts get energized by large groups of people and lots of external stimulation, whereas introverts energize themselves when they have time for themselves in low stimulus environments.

Understanding your social type can make a huge …

See the Love Around You and You’ll Feel More Love Within You

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“The most important thing in this world is to learn to give out love, and let it come in.” ~Morrie Schwartz

There is a Native American tale that tells of a young boy speaking with his grandmother. She tells the boy that she has the spirit of two wolves living and battling inside of her; one is vengeful and unkind, as he sees all the world as a threat, and the other is loving, secure, and nurturing.

The little boy asks his grandmother, “Which one will end up winning?” and the grandmother replies, “Which ever one I feed.”

We all …

40 Ways to Feel More Alive

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“I don’t believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive.” ~Joseph Campbell

As I write this, I am two hours away from my first weekly acting class in Los Angeles. I’ve been here for almost two years now, and though I loved community theater as a kid, I never so much as researched acting classes until a couple weeks back.

I frequently said I wanted to do it, along with painting classes, which I’m starting next week, but I always made excuses not to start either.

I …

Why We Need Mistakes and Failures

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“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.” ~Elbert Hubbard 

A while back, I was invited to attend the Asian Chamber of Commerce’s 22nd Annual Awards Gala. Focused on “The Spirit of Entrepreneurship,” the Asian Chamber of Commerce celebrated individuals who exemplified great leadership skills in the Houston community.

The keynote speaker, Dr. Lynda Chin, surprised me by talking about failure. A scientist, Dr. Chin is the first to admit medical mistakes. She talked about cancer-related pharmaceuticals having a 95% failure rate, because the medication needs to be tailor-made to …

How to Become Your Own Biggest Fan

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“If you make friends with yourself, you will never be alone.” ~Maxwell Maltz

When I was eighteen I glided across the stage in front of my classmates to collect an award from the principal: All-Around Female.

I was a dancer on the drill team; an officer in the a cappella choir; a youth group leader; a singer in the show choir; a member of the honor society, Spanish Club, and Venture Scouts; and top ten in my class.

I wore these achievements like a shield, clueless of what or who I would be without them.

Inevitably, when I moved out …

You Can Blame Others or Save Yourself

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“You save yourself or remain unsaved.” ~Alice Sebold, Lucky

Last year was a year of great changes for me. I ended a three-and-a-half-year long toxic relationship, I started a new relationship (which fell apart six months later), I applied for a semester abroad, and started a full-time job while studying full-time, as well.

Honestly, I don’t know how I managed to survive this busy time, but I did, and in January 2012 I left for Stockholm.

It was the best six months of my life.

I met amazing people from all over the world and I found true friends among …

Judge Less, Accept More, and Restore Your Happiness

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“Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest.” ~Sri Chinmoy

A few years back, the husband of an acquaintance spoke curtly—dare I sound judgmental and say rudely—to his mother-in-law in front of me, his wife, his daughter, and a few others.

Each time I thought about what he said, a wave of judgmental thoughts came into my mind: How could he speak to her like that? How could he be so disrespectful? And, what a poor example he was setting for his daughter


These negative thoughts stayed with me for …

50 Amazing Gifts from Living In The Now

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“If we are not fully ourselves, truly in the present moment, we miss everything.” ~Thich Nhat Hahn

Recently something truly amazing happened. I was sitting at the beach feeling the warm winds, taking in the gleaming blue Pacific. It was the time of day when the sunlight turns the ocean into waves of sparkling radiance.

The beauty touched me deeply. In that appreciation of the moment, something shifted inside me. I became so present that my identity of self dissolved into the background.

I was not only in the universe, but the universe was now in me.

As I write …

Giveaway and Interview: The Practicing Mind by Thomas M. Sterner

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Note: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha for free daily or weekly emails and to learn about future giveaways!

The Winners:

Have you ever feared you’ll never excel at a skill or reach a goal you set? Have you ever judged yourself or your efforts as “not good enough,” creating a sense of paralysis? Or how about this: Have you ever felt so eager to excel that the process became stressful and unsatisfying?

In his book The Practicing Mind: Developing Focus and Discipline in Your Life, Thomas M. Sterner explores …

Keep Creating Even in the Face of Criticism

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“Do not give your attention to what others do or fail to do; give it to what you do or fail to do” ~Dhammapada

During the past couple of months I have been the recipient of some not so favorable reviews from a couple of music blogs regarding an album I recently released. In fact, two reviews in particular were not just critical but completely scathing.

Both reviews completely devoured me. I received the most recent one right before going to bed, and allowed it to completely disrupt my sleep. I woke up numerous times playing the words over and …

Overcoming Perfectionism in a Culture That Promotes It

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“Good enough is the new perfect.” ~Becky Beauprie Gillespie

I stand accused of being a perfectionist.

My plea? Not guilty, of course! “I’m not perfect enough to be a perfectionist!” I counter.

But the evidence is stacked against me. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Exhibit A:

My first year at University, our mid-term examination in literature. There was major building work going on outside, and concentration was nigh on impossible. As a result, our tutor added 10% on to everyone’s scores to make up for the disruption.

What did I get? 110%.

And what was my first …

Overcoming the Fear of Loss: 5 Steps to Get Unstuck

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“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” ~Norman Cousins

Of all the things that scare us, loss can seem like the most terrifying. At times, I’ve thought about it with such dread that it’s felt overwhelming.

Whenever I quit a job I hated in that past, I felt stuck between two loss-related fears: the fear of losing my passion by staying, and the fear of losing my financial security if I walked away and didn’t find something else.

Whenever I considered leaving a bad relationship, I felt paralyzed …

Finding the Flow: Growing into Your Whole, Authentic Self

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“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” ~Lao Tzu

I was around twelve years old as I sat in the career day presentation. I can’t remember one word that was said. It might as well have been the teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoons speaking in that esoteric adult language.

It was the day I made my first practical life decision. In seventh grade, I boldly decided I would be a dentist—for absolutely no meaningful reason. I chose because society was insisting upon it.

I held onto this idea for a decade before …

A Few Less Steps to Bliss

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“Don’t use a lot where a little will do.” ~Proverb

My fears around becoming a mother for the first time were validated. Giving birth did hurt, though in an empowering, “hear me roar” kind of way.

There is stiff competition now for my husband’s attention, but mine is captivated as well. And our spontaneous, hedonistic, freewheeling lifestyle is permanently cramped—but into this cozy fetal position of child-friendly rhythm and routine.

Though we have been pacified into a relatively mundane existence, my morphing into a mama bear that’s hell bent on protecting her cubs from excess has helped keep things spicy. …

How to Make Time and Space for Creativity

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“The grass is always greener where you water it.” ~Unknown

I’ve had this theory about life for a while now, ever since I embraced simplicity three years ago.

Life, a good life, a life well-lived, is about maintenance. It isn’t chance or luck or fate (though I believe in those things, and in magic too); it’s about doing the work to create the life you want, and doing it over and over and over again.

Not that long ago, my writing life resembled un-watered grass. I let the passion I have for writing and words get away from me in …

Stop Waiting for Life to Happen and Start Living It Now

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“The grass is always greener where you water it.” ~Unknown

For a while there, I was a little peeved with the world. I’ve just recently snapped out of it, and I just want to sing and dance and share this message with everyone: Stop waiting!

Last year, after living through some profound experiences—travelling extensively, soul searching, attending incredible life-changing events, shedding massive masks, overcoming huge obstacles, and deciding to change the course of my life completely—I came back to my life, to my home, and sat back and thought to myself, “This is what life is about!”

I was on …

Recognizing Our Patterns and Learning How to Change Them

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“What we call chaos is just patterns we haven’t recognized. What we call random is just patterns we can’t decipher.” ~Chuck Palahniuk 

Life has a funny way of teaching us lessons. When there is something you need to learn, something that you need to work on, the same situation will continue to repeat itself until you either learn your lesson or find a healthy way of dealing with that particular issue.

Think of the movie Groundhog Day. It was one of my favorites. Once Bill Murray realized that he was living the same day over and over again, he …

Learning to Embrace Change as Opportunity, Not Loss

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“If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.” ~Lao Tzu

Two years ago my life as I knew it changed forever. No, I was not diagnosed with a disease, nor did I lose someone special or have a near-death experience. I actually gained some pretty amazing things: a new house, two dogs, living with my partner, and the chance to be a full-time stepmom to his two children.

But I did not initially view this change in a truly positive light.

After the dissolution of a long-term relationship, I had spent several years …