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Why We Don’t Need to Worry About What’s Missing in Our Lives

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“Don’t compare your struggles to anyone else’s. Don’t get discouraged by the success of others. Make your own path and never give up.” ~Unknown

My recent breakup was the most painful experience of my life. More painful maybe than it should have been, as it came at a time when a lot of things weren’t going as I hoped they would.

The road to healing seemed so much steeper and longer when all of these things also needed to be ‘fixed.’

As I approached my thirtieth birthday, I found myself back living at home with my parents and at a …

Why It Takes Strength to Be Vulnerable, and Why It’s Worth It

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“Vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage.” ~BrenĂ© Brown

When we’re younger, we’re fearless. We don’t mind climbing trees, making friends with strangers, or telling our secrets to people we’ve just met. We open our eyes and hearts to new experiences and people, and we trust that everything is going to be okay.

Somewhere along the way, we learn that being vulnerable can hurt.

We get teased or laughed at, and we learn that not everyone can be trusted with our secrets. Our knees get bruised and our hearts get broken.

I don’t fall in love easily. So, when …

Our Lives Are Measured in Love, Not Numbers

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“In the end, these are the things that matter most: How well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you let go?” ~Buddha

Last year my yoga teacher told a story in class about Hanuman, an ancient Hindu god depicted as a monkey. When asked what he was devoted to, Hanuman opened his chest and there were Sita and Ram, sitting on his heart, always with him. He was their greatest devotee.

The story stuck with me.

“What do I hold closest to my heart?” I asked myself quite often, and I was not getting the …

4 Ways We Resist Life and Cause Ourselves Pain (And How to Stop)

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“When fear wakes up inside, and there is no place to run away or hide from it, consider it a gift. In all the glory of that discomfort, know there is refuge in surrender.” ~Erin Lanahan

When I was a freshman in college, I had a wise English teacher. Through everything he taught, he would always circle back to the theme that “life is a constant cycle of tension and release.”

I heard him say these words over and over, but I didn’t really listen. I wasn’t ready to yet. Still, this simple message always stuck in my memory.

I …

Why I Didn’t Kill Myself and Why You Shouldn’t Either

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TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of sexual abuse and may be triggering to some people.

“That’s the thing about suicide. Try as you might to remember how a person lived his life, you always end up thinking about how he ended it.” ~Anderson Cooper

I know what it’s like to want to die. I know the feeling of hopelessness. I know the sense of loneliness. I know the soul crushing despair and longing to fade into nothingness.

If you are reading this, then you know what I’m talking about. I’m not sure what brought you to …

You Never Know What Someone Is Going Through, So Be Kind

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“Give everyone the benefit of the doubt today
” ~Lori Deschene, Tiny Buddha’s 365 Tiny Love Challenges

Here’s something I’ve learned firsthand: No matter how someone looks or acts, you truly never know what’s happening in their lives.

Five years ago my husband Walter was dying from cancer. Twice during a thirteen-month period he was hospitalized, thirty minutes away from our home.

I spent about ten hours a day at the hospital, plus travel time during those long weeks. I was a wreck.

I don’t know what I looked like to the outside world. Inside, I felt impatient, angry, sad, out …

How to Live Out Loud: 8 Lessons for an Authentic, Empowered Life

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“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Growing up, I was shy, bullied often, or ignored because I couldn’t stand up for myself.

My parents, immigrants from Colombia, South America, bequeathed me an inheritance of brown skin, brown eyes, and a language full of emotion. Nothing like the world I was thrown into.

I started kindergarten not knowing a word of English, trying to find my place in a sea of white faces. I stood out like a fly in milk.

I was teased and …

Why Playing Hard to Get Doesn’t Work (and What Does)

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“Confidence isn’t ‘They will like me.” It’s ‘I’m perfectly fine if they don’t.’ ” ~Unknown

After the death of my husband, I spent my thirties as a single mother of four children. It was a tough decade. I often felt lonely and frustrated, and dating was a nightmare.

I constantly gorged on self-help books, hoping that they’d reveal whatever my “problem” was so that I could fix it and finally find the love I so desperately craved.

Many of these well-intentioned books contained dating tips designed to make someone fall in love with me. They invited me to …

How to Turn Your Sensitivity into Your Biggest Strength

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“Never apologize for being sensitive or emotional. Let this be a sign that you’ve got a big heart and aren’t afraid to let others see it. Showing your emotions is a sign of strength.” ~Brigitte Nicole

We have a problem in the modern world that needs to be addressed.

It impacts huge numbers of the population but is so ingrained in our culture that it’s easy for us to overlook how dangerous it can be.

This problem is the denial of sensitivity.

We often associate sensitivity with weakness, but when we learn how to manage our energy and emotions …

How We Can Use Our Painful Emotions for Good

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“The great gift of human beings is that we have the power of empathy.” ~Meryl Streep

Growing up I spent a lot of time on the Internet browsing websites and looking at images. One image that stuck with me as a child showed an old man lying on a hospital bed, with tubes running into his mouth. In his hand, he held a “no smoking” sign.

As I stared at that image I began to think what it must be like to face the horrible consequences of failing health. I imagined the pain, the regret, and the desperation for …

How to Instantly Calm Yourself in Stressful Situations

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“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” ~Viktor Frankl

There’s a big lie we tell ourselves during stressful times.

It keeps us feeling lost, afraid, and unloved, like we’re being picked up and carried away helplessly by a storm.

Our heads can fill with scary images, words, and stories about the cause and who is to blame for our unwanted pain.

Sound familiar? If it does, you’re not alone. You’re normal. This is how humans biologically respond to stress.…

Book Giveaway: Tiny Buddha’s 365 Tiny Love Challenges

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UPDATE – The winners for this giveaway are:

  • Melissa Ballinger Dees
  • Julie C. Perry
  • Bobby Irion
  • Michael Jon Piper
  • Hannah

Sometimes the world can feel like a lonely place. There are billions of people on the planet, and many of us encounter hundreds in the course of our daily lives. Yet it’s easy to feel disconnected from most, if not all of them.

The many strangers we pass on a given day, who may avert their eyes to avoid awkwardness, can start to feel like part of the scenery—like cars parked in a lot or leaves floating in the wind.…

10 Surprising Reasons To Stop Trying To Please Everyone

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“Lean too much on other people’s approval and it becomes a bed of thorns.” ~Tehyi Hsieh

Let’s be honest with each other.

You’re a people-pleaser

So am I.

And so is Oprah, the President of The United States, and the guy next door.

We’re all people-pleasers to some extent. And that’s okay. Wanting to be approved of—and loved—is as natural as wanting food and shelter.

It’s when you try to please everyone that it becomes a problem. In fact, more than a problem, a disease. Harriet B. Braiker called it “the disease to please.”

And …

How to Promote Yourself Authentically to Gain New Opportunities

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“If you really put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price.” ~Unknown

I have always been a smart, dedicated, hard working person. I was raised to believe that those were characteristics required for success. So imagine my surprise to reach the working world and find unexceptional colleagues getting promoted above me.

There’s one memory that particularly stands out.

When I was twenty-five, I was on a team that consisted of amazingly smart, ambitious, hardworking people, plus one mediocre guy, Tom. His mediocrity stood out amongst a high-achieving team, but Tom thought …

The Benefits of Minimalism: 7 Reasons to Declutter Your Life

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“Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.” ~ William Morris

Have you ever noticed that every time you move you need a bigger truck than the last time you moved?

People love to collect things, and we have a tendency to keep collecting things in order to fill the available space in our homes (and sometimes beyond).

I’m a firm believer in the idea that material possessions do not equate to happiness, so I recently started to explore the idea of living a minimalist lifestyle, to see if …

Why We Don’t Need to Apologize So Often & How to Do It Well When We Do

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“The ability to apologize sincerely and express regret for the unskillful things we say or do is an art. A true apology can relieve a great deal of suffering in the other person.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

My life has been full of apologies. I’ve been on both the receiving and giving end of the good, the bad, and the ugly apology.

Just recently a dear friend who I hadn’t connected with in a long time reached out and asked if we could meet for coffee. I sort of backhandedly blew her off and told her I would try to meet …

The Power of Doing Nothing When You’re Frustrated or Anxious

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“This ‘doing nothing’ is not a cold, passive resignation, but is a luminous, sacred activity, infused with presence and a wild sort of compassion. It is a radical act of kindness and love.” ~Matt Licata

I am storming home after work.

The important men in my life are driving me bonkers—they’ve been self-important, disrespectful, condescending jerks.

My dad doesn’t see the value in the work I do, and my partner blew off our date to take an important phone call. My younger brother leapt off of the phone with me, which he’s been doing every time I’ve called in the …

3 Relationship Myths (and Why We Need to Stop Believing Them)

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“Love isn’t always perfect. It isn’t a fairytale or a storybook. And it doesn’t always come easy. Love is overcoming obstacles, facing challenges, fighting to be together, holding on and never letting go.” ~Unknown

When I started dating, I idealized love. I had many false notions about relationships, which I formed from my friends, watching movies, and reading romance novels. Many of the beliefs I had about how relationships should work caused me pain and disappointment because reality turned out to be different from what I expected.

Dating became a journey of resetting my expectations and letting go of false …

Do You Constantly Think and Worry About Your Relationships?

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“When you say ‘yes’ to others, make sure you’re not saying ‘no’ to yourself.” ~Paulo Coelho

Sometimes it’s easy to define ourselves by our roles and relationships.

We can look at ourselves as a daughter, or someone’s employee, or so in so’s husband. These things mean a lot to us, and we often subconsciously use a variety of behaviors and mental constructs to protect these roles and relationships.

It can take form in innocuous ways, like buying clothes you don’t really want or feigning interests in order to fit in. (Go sports team!) But it also affects more serious things, …

What to Do When You’re Having Trouble Making New Friends

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“The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.” ~Albert Einstein

I’m sitting on the couch by myself watching Dexter reruns on Netflix. But I can hardly focus on the show. I’m freaking out because I still haven’t made any friends, even though I moved here over a month ago.

I keep thinking to myself: “Will all my Saturdays look like this?” “Will I actually be able to make new friends and build that social circle I was so excited to have?”

Let me rewind just a bit.

It’s a hot and sunny summer day in Southern California.

After hours …