Tiny Buddha

Category: happiness & fun

  • Tiny Buddha Book Holiday Giveaway, Week 4

    Tiny Buddha Book Holiday Giveaway, Week 4

    Update: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha for free daily or weekly emails and to learn about future giveaways!

    The Winners:

    To celebrate the holiday season, I’ve decided to do a series of giveaways for my book, Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions, which launched right around this time last year.

    If you’ve already learned about the book or purchased it, this post will be redundant for you! For those who haven’t read it, here’s a little information about it:

    This is the first book of its kind—with tweets woven throughout.

    I asked @tinybuddha followers a number of the most challenging questions in life, like:

    • Why is there suffering in the world?
    • What’s the meaning of life?
    • What does it take to be happy?
    • Why are relationships hard?

    Since there are very few concrete answers to the big questions, I wanted to explore many varied perspectives to create a guide of possibilities for joy, purpose, and connection.

    Although these tweets shaped the book, I also included a great deal of my own struggles, successes, and insights—far more than I’ve ever revealed on the blog. From my former battle with depression to my struggles with relationships, I shared how these questions have played out in my own life—and what I’ve learned at each step of the way.

    Through this book, you’ll learn a few ideas to:

    • Let go of pain from the past that’s been weighing you down and holding you back
    • Create a sense of purpose, starting right now, even if you’re not doing what you want to do professionally
    • Change habits that have not served you well and open up to new, better ways of being
    • Experience happiness right now, regardless of your circumstances
    • Improve your relationships
    • Seize the moment to live more mindfully, passionately, and fearlessly
    • Find a sense of control and empowerment in an uncertain world

    I will do 4 giveaways this month, 1 per week. I will choose 2 winners for each giveaway and mail all of 8 books together at the end of the month.

    To enter:

    • Leave a comment on this post sharing something that made you smile today.
    • Tweet: Tiny Buddha Book Holiday Giveaway: Comment and RT to enter! http://bit.ly/RVmm59
    You can enter each giveaway once at any point during December, 2012. (You can find the first, second, and third ones here.) If you don’t have a Twitter account, you can enter by completing the first step only. If you’d like to purchase the book now, you can find it on Amazon or Barnes and Noble, or translated in Dutch at Bol.com.
  • Becoming Friends With Yourself: You Deserve Your Love

    Becoming Friends With Yourself: You Deserve Your Love

    “You, yourself, as much as anyone in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~The Buddha

    Bodhicitta. Metta. Loving-kindness. Compassion. Whatever you call it, this is what spiritual practice is all about, right? Long story short, the teachings instruct us to generate these vast motivations and wishes that all sentient beings be free from suffering and experience true and lasting happiness.

    It sounds wonderful, doesn’t it?

    So why is it that so many of us are still unhappy, even after years of sitting on the cushion? Why do we still struggle with depression, anxiety, fear, and even self-loathing?

    Now, I’m not the first practitioner to point this out, but the main reason is that we forget the most important word in these prayers, aspirations and practices: all.

    This, as they say, means you.

    This would seem easy, wouldn’t it? To include ourselves in this great wish for limitless happiness seems to be nothing short of the most common sense. After all, you want to be happy, don’t you?

    But the truth is, this is very hard for us here in the west. At a very deep and wounded level, we don’t really think we deserve any of that. So even though we might spend a great deal of time thinking about others, we wholeheartedly neglect ourselves.

    At least I do.

    You see, before I discovered Buddhism and meditation, I was a drug addict. During those twenty-three years of madness, clinging, and sorrow, I hurt a lot of people. But mostly, out of self-loathing and shame, I hurt myself.

    When I finally made the choice to give recovery a real shot, I had to begin the long, slow, and always painful process of making amends, not only with my friends and family, but also with myself. (more…)

  • 10 Powerful Gifts to Give and Receive Today

    10 Powerful Gifts to Give and Receive Today

    “Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons.”  ~Ruth Ann Schabacker

    Regardless of what holiday you celebrate, or how you honor it, there’s no denying this is an emotionally loaded time of year.

    We either remind ourselves how grateful we are for all the people we love, or we remember how much it hurts that we don’t have people like that in our lives.

    We either celebrate all our blessings, or we look toward the year to come, wondering if we’ll have more then.

    You may find yourself reflecting on last Christmas in awe of how much has changed for the better in just one year’s time.

    Or you may look back on the last twelve months wistfully, wishing things could be the way they were.

    We’ll all experience the holiday season in many different ways over the course of our lives.

    Whatever your unique situation this year—whether you’re in a growth cycle or working through feelings of loss—you have a lot to give and receive.

    5 Gifts You Can Receive Today

    1. Your breath.

    It’s one of those things we take for granted—the air that gives us life. We don’t even need to think about breathing; we do it automatically.

    Clearly we can appreciate that our breath sustains us, but it can do so much more. When we focus on breathing deeply, it can ground us, calm us, detoxify us, and even heal us.

    Breathe in. Breathe out. Look at your hands, your feet, the tip of your nose. Fully inhabit your body. You’re here. You’re alive.   (more…)

  • 35 Simple Ways to Be Beautiful

    35 Simple Ways to Be Beautiful

    Beautiful

    “Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.” ~Sophia Loren

    Even though I got Joey McIntyre from The New Kids on the Block to sign my scoliosis back brace in the sixth grade, I still felt ugly wearing it.

    I didn’t realize the irony back then, but in retrospect it seems a little funny that I grew crooked considering I convinced myself I was wilting in my sister’s shadow. (I also had braces and headgear, but that’s another story.)

    I was a kid who wanted to be beautiful, but more desperately wanted to feel loved. My self-esteem increased through the years, but I never quite shook the sneaking suspicion I’d never be beautiful enough. Or maybe lovable enough.

    It would be easy to blame it all on society and the Kate Moss era of modeling, but I think it’s more than that. I just never learned to notice and appreciate all the beautiful things about myself. The stuff that had nothing to do with my waistline, skin tone, or eye lashes and everything to do with who I am.

    I never learned to give myself the credit for all the good I do in the world. I was too busy cataloging my weaknesses, mistakes, and flaws to recognize it.

    It seems like such a cliché to say that pretty is as pretty does, but the truth is, physical beauty is subjective. And even if someone perfectly matches your ideal of physical perfection, their looks will eventually fade. What endure are the qualities, passions, and habits we nurture.

    That’s what makes us beautiful—and believe me when I say there is something beautiful in everyone. If you’ve done any of the following lately, you are absolutely beautiful: (more…)

  • Being Grateful for the Imperfect Present

    Being Grateful for the Imperfect Present

    “If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” ~Oprah Winfrey

    I live in an old house.

    It is 212 years old this year, to be exact.

    We’ve added onto it over the years so it presents itself as more youthful than its age. The old bones remain, though, as well as many of the quirks. Those “quirks” give it character, right? It’s much like my emerging crow’s feet give my face character.

    That’s the positive spin on crow’s feet, at least.

    We have uneven floors, to the point where most of our furniture is shimmed, and shimmed-like-crazy. Without it, our mantle would tip to such a degree that it would seem that we are on the sinking Titanic.

    When our kids were young, they could sit on a wee scooter, lift their legs, and coast backward through two rooms. (Insta-fun!)

    We have asymmetrical moldings and strange gaps. When we first moved into our home, I was attempting to fill a gap in the wood on the stairs with caulk; it shot straight through the stair and into the basement.

    I think I unloaded about half the tube before it started to fill. Probably should have just gone with a new piece of wood.

    We joke that ours is the “House That Caulk Built.”

    We have different varieties of wood for floors, and those floors creak to the point that, when our cat walks upstairs, it sounds like a human instead. There are gaps around the doors because nothing is level, and the rooms don’t have overhead lights in most cases (save for the kitchen, dining room. and bathrooms). Floor lamps and table lamps illuminate our indoor world.

    But the kitchen. The kitchen. The heart of the home.

    It is the size of most people’s walk-in closets. There is a lack of counter space, not enough outlets (I mentioned that already, didn’t I?) and it’s just too small, small, small.

    The unfortunate thing is that I love to cook. I spend the majority of my days in the kitchen and go there for play (so to speak), as well.  (more…)

  • Tiny Buddha Book Holiday Giveaway, Week 3

    Tiny Buddha Book Holiday Giveaway, Week 3

    Update: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha for free daily or weekly emails and to learn about future giveaways!

    The Winners:

    To celebrate the holiday season, I’ve decided to do a series of giveaways for my book, Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions, which launched right around this time last year.

    If you’ve already learned about the book or purchased it, this post will be redundant for you! For those who haven’t read it, here’s a little information about it:

    This is the first book of its kind—with tweets woven throughout.

    I asked @tinybuddha followers a number of the most challenging questions in life, like:

    • Why is there suffering in the world?
    • What’s the meaning of life?
    • What does it take to be happy?
    • Why are relationships hard?

    Since there are very few concrete answers to the big questions, I wanted to explore many varied perspectives to create a guide of possibilities for joy, purpose, and connection.

    Although these tweets shaped the book, I also included a great deal of my own struggles, successes, and insights—far more than I’ve ever revealed on the blog. From my former battle with depression to my struggles with relationships, I shared how these questions have played out in my own life—and what I’ve learned at each step of the way.

    Through this book, you’ll learn a few ideas to:

    • Let go of pain from the past that’s been weighing you down and holding you back
    • Create a sense of purpose, starting right now, even if you’re not doing what you want to do professionally
    • Change habits that have not served you well and open up to new, better ways of being
    • Experience happiness right now, regardless of your circumstances
    • Improve your relationships
    • Seize the moment to live more mindfully, passionately, and fearlessly
    • Find a sense of control and empowerment in an uncertain world

    I will do 4 giveaways this month, 1 per week. I will choose 2 winners for each giveaway and mail all of 8 books together at the end of the month.

    To enter:

    • Leave a comment on this post sharing something that made you smile today.
    • Tweet: Tiny Buddha Book Holiday Giveaway: Comment and RT to enter! http://bit.ly/VUYQk8
    You can enter each giveaway once at any point during December, 2012. (You can find the first and second ones here.) If you don’t have a Twitter account, you can enter by completing the first step only. If you’d like to purchase the book now, you can find it on Amazon or Barnes and Noble, or translated in Dutch at Bol.com.
  • The Real Secret About the Power of the Mind

    The Real Secret About the Power of the Mind

    “What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind.”  ~Buddha

    Unless you spent the last decade in a Tibetan monastery or under a rock, you probably know about Rhonda Byrne’s book/DVD The Secret.

    This 2006 self-help volume, highly endorsed by the likes of Oprah Winfrey, erroneously educated readers on “The Law Of Attraction,” a hypothesis that suggests we have the power to influence events and circumstances of our live in three simple steps:

    1. “Ask the Universe for what you want.” In essence, get your desires very clear in your mind. (Do not limit yourself to any possibility.)

    2. Believe. “Act, speak, and think as though you have already received what you’ve asked for.” When you emit the frequency of having received it, the law of attraction moves people, events, and circumstances for you to receive.

    3. Receive. “Feel the way you will feel once your desire has manifested.” Feeling good now puts you on the frequency of what you want.

    The general public accepted this get-thin/rich/famous/talented-quick scheme and ate it up like a bowl of Cherry Garcia ice-cream.

    One interesting characteristic about people who believe anything they’re told without the benefits of research is that they tend to have a very fickle belief system. So countless people believed The Secret, then slumped into devastated depressions when asking the Universe to make them skinny didn’t actually make those size two skinny jeans glide on and button up.

    But instead of people blaming the gurus who presented this misinformation, they took it personally, given they’d also been told that if their wishes weren’t quickly granted, it was because the wisher just wasn’t wishing hard enough. (more…)

  • Happiness Comes to Those Who Live Their Calling

    Happiness Comes to Those Who Live Their Calling

    “Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love.” ~Rumi

    I was on tour with a famous rock legend, Joe Walsh from the mega-successful seventies band, The Eagles.

    We were riding around in one of those air brushed tour busses, living the party life and flying to exotic places. Staying in the finest hotels. Beautiful women hanging around the backstage door trying to get my attention.

    You would think this would be a dream come true, right?

    Here I was rubbing shoulders with people like Stevie Nicks, Willie Nelson, and The Fabulous Thunderbirds, and yet, I wasn’t happy. Not really.

    And you know what really sucks?

    When you’re so close to your dream you can almost reach out and touch it, but for some reason you can’t. Something is holding you back.

    You spend years working hard just to get next to it. You’re working right there in the area of your passion. But you aren’t actually living it.

    You’re helping someone else to live theirs.

    It feels like your face is pressed up against a glass wall. And there, just on the other side is the thing you’re really supposed to be doing.

    I was his sound engineer. But the dream was to be playing guitar up onstage with him.

    The band and crew were like family because we had done several tours together. Joe knew I rehearsed regularly with the band when he didn’t show up and that I knew the music cold.

    Even the guys in the band agreed it would sound better if I was playing the other guitar parts but it wasn’t their place to say.

    All I had to do was ask. But I couldn’t seem to get up the nerve. I just couldn’t get past the uncertainty of what might happen if I took the leap and got shot down.

    I was poised to jump but paralyzed by fear.

    I guess I was just hoping the other band members would put in the good word and do my bidding for me by asking to have a second guitar player.

    I was wrong.

    Nothing happened. The train kept a rolling with me still behind the soundboard. Still unhappy.

    I figured out in the silent weeks that followed that no one just hands you the keys to the highway. You have to ask for them.

    Finally, I arrived at the place where I could no longer stand by and accept my “close but no cigar” status. The idea that I would have to live with the consequences of not trying was simply too much to bear.

    So I decided to cast my fears and uncertainty to the wind and just ask Joe if I could play the gig.

    And then something very strange happened.

    I never got the chance. (more…)

  • The World’s Top 7 Life-Changing Gurus

    The World’s Top 7 Life-Changing Gurus

    “Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.” ~William S. Burroughs  

    Where do you turn when life gets you down? Who’s your hero, your mentor, your pillar of strength amidst the turmoil?

    Haven’t we all had those days when life just seems to be a battle? I know I certainly have. And then there are times when there’s an ongoing challenge that grabs hold of us and just won’t let go.

    What can you do? Where do you get your strength—your answers?

    For a lot of us, we look to inspirational figures, leaders, experts, gurus, and even celebrities. Those larger than life figures that are out there living life, experiencing things we only dream of, and dispensing the wisdom we don’t think we possess.

    In my younger years, I wanted a mentor. I thought surely that would solve all my problems. It would give me the hope, encouragement, and maybe even strategies to live the life I was destined to live. I could finally overcome my personal challenges or lack of experience and knowledge.

    This notion went on for years. Oh sure, I had plenty of good jobs and made decent money. I lived the life so many of us do. I just wanted more. I felt I had potential that just wasn’t surfacing.

    Eventually my yearnings led me to discover experts and gurus willing to sell their advice.

    I won’t list their names here, but you know who they are. They offered seminars, created master-mind groups, put together home-study courses. I thought, hey, maybe this is the answer. I can buy my mentors!

    From the big names to the lesser-knowns, I started buying nearly every self-development and business strategy course they peddled.

    It became an addiction that nearly led me to bankruptcy.

    I was buying so many programs and courses and retreats and “solutions” that I had no time to implement any of them. The buying itself became my solution. Ugh.

    I was hooked on glitter, celebrity, and everything external. I was chasing success, happiness, and purpose as if they were “out there” somewhere.

    I had no idea who I really was. I gave no credence to the experiences that life had blessed me with. I didn’t value the inner wisdom that resided within. (more…)

  • Direct Your Emotional Memory to Feel Good Now

    Direct Your Emotional Memory to Feel Good Now

    “When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” ~Henry Ford 

    You’re stuck at work and you dream of something better.

    This dreaming usually starts off great. You imagine yourself sitting at a desk working on a million dollar project or teaching underprivileged kids how to multiply seven times three.

    Whatever your vision is, it’s good to daydream about this, but what usually happens is that we snap out of it, and reality smacks us in the face. We’re answering phones, running errands, and hating our lives.

    I’ve been there, most of Gen Y is currently there, and everyone else was also there at some point in their early careers. Through the years I’ve interviewed hundreds of people about their careers. Each one always talks about one tool that they use over and over again.

    Selective Memory

    I noticed that most of the older people look back on their early careers in fondness. They forget about the pain and remember the good times. A lot of times they even look back on the pain in fondness.

    They see how their superpowers had developed over the years. They know that each struggle was a part of their career growth and happiness.

    My father, a small business owner, an electrical contractor, struggled in his early years. He had to run around hunting down jobs. No one knew who he was, so the jobs didn’t fall on his lap. He had to schmooze with old and new contacts.

    I remember him coming home dejected, tired, and grumpy. I could have gotten free meals from the school, but my parents were too proud. I brown bagged my lunch 99.9% of the time. We couldn’t afford $.75 for a school lunch.

    Now my father looks back on that time in fondness. He’s proud of my family’s fortitude. It got them to where they are now. Let’s put it this way, they can go on vacation anytime they want even though my father still works. He works because he enjoys what he does and doesn’t want to give this up.

    If only he could have seen the magic in what he was creating when he created it. He would have saved himself a lot of worry. It’s this process that we can all use to help us to bring happiness to our struggles. (more…)

  • Catch Anger Before It Catches You

    Catch Anger Before It Catches You

    “For every moment you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

    I’m not an angel. In fact, my husband used to lovingly call me a “fierce creature.” This fiery inclination can be due to inborn temperament, but it can also be a result of post-traumatic stress or similar brain-impacting life events.

    It’s taken a concerted effort, over many years, for me to become more loving, tolerant, and peaceful.

    But I still lose it from time to time. Like today, for example, it must have been a triple critical day because I lost it three times in a row. 

    It started with an unusually frustrated phone call with a relative. Then, an empty granola bar box made me furious enough to fling it across the room.

    Lastly, a well-meaning guardian at the visitors’ center of a private yoga resort challenged me. Yes, heaven forbid, I walked up the driveway, but honestly I didn’t cross the gate.

    In fact, I was in my car, about to leave, when she came flying over to warn me the resort property is off limits without a guest pass. I became curt and defensive, cold anger seeping through. After all, I’ve already been on the grounds at least a million times.

    Indulging in Anger Harms Your Health and Happiness

    In each case, I was caught in an almost automatic response. But I quickly recognized the error of my ways. Why? Because, in addition to harming others, I know that indulging in anger harms my own health and detracts from my own happiness too.

    Take a moment to tune in to yourself the next time you get angry. By doing so, you can discover anger’s harmful impact for yourself.

    When I’m triggered by anger, I feel an upsurge of energy at first—almost a high—as adrenalin surges through my body. But this feisty response quickly dissolves into feeling all churned up. If I start replaying the scene in my mind, easy to do, the emotional turmoil can keep on for days.

    On the other hand, genuine regret might pop up. Then I feel bad about myself. I get caught up in how to fix the mess, pulled between my self-righteousness and an ardent wish to let go. 

    Almost always, healing the wound I’ve imposed takes considerable time—time that could have been used for better purposes if I had only held my tongue. (more…)

  • Tiny Buddha Book Holiday Giveaway, Week 2

    Tiny Buddha Book Holiday Giveaway, Week 2

    Update: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha for free daily or weekly emails and to learn about future giveaways!

    The Winners:

    This is the 2nd in a series of 4 holiday giveaways for my book, Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions, which launched right around this time last year.

    If you’ve already learned about the book or purchased it, this post will be redundant for you! For those who haven’t read it, here’s a little information about it:

    This is the first book of its kind—with tweets woven throughout.

    I asked @tinybuddha followers a number of the most challenging questions in life, like:

    • Why is there suffering in the world?
    • What’s the meaning of life?
    • What does it take to be happy?
    • Why are relationships hard?

    Since there are very few concrete answers to the big questions, I wanted to explore many varied perspectives to create a guide of possibilities for joy, purpose, and connection.

    Although these tweets shaped the book, I also included a great deal of my own struggles, successes, and insights—far more than I’ve ever revealed on the blog. From my former battle with depression to my struggles with relationships, I shared how these questions have played out in my own life—and what I’ve learned at each step of the way.

    Through this book, you’ll learn a few ideas to:

    • Let go of pain from the past that’s been weighing you down and holding you back
    • Create a sense of purpose, starting right now, even if you’re not doing what you want to do professionally
    • Change habits that have not served you well and open up to new, better ways of being
    • Experience happiness right now, regardless of your circumstances
    • Improve your relationships
    • Seize the moment to live more mindfully, passionately, and fearlessly
    • Find a sense of control and empowerment in an uncertain world

    I will do 4 giveaways this month, 1 per week. I will choose 2 winners for each giveaway and mail all of 8 books together at the end of the month. (more…)

  • The Illusion of Waiting for the Future to Be Happy

    The Illusion of Waiting for the Future to Be Happy

    “The future is always beginning now.” ~Mark Strand

    Do you ever feel like there’s something missing in your life? It feels like you’re always waiting for something to arrive. You want the future to come, because it’s better there.

    But that’s all wrong.

    The future is an illusion. It’s just a concept in your head. This is what I’ve realized in the past few months.

    I’ve suddenly become acutely aware of what’s going on. I’ve entered the present moment more powerfully than ever before.

    If you go and read my previous articles here at Tiny Buddha, I talk about how I’m going deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole.

    I’m learning more and more, and that’s exactly what happens each year.

    As I’m writing this, I am completely present in my body. I feel my fingers write the words. It almost feels like I’m not the one typing, typing is just happening.

    I don’t claim to be perfect, but I do want to share what’s happened, and how you can tap into the same peace and joy that I have.

    But before we do that, let’s look at the problem.

    The Problem: Future-Think

    In the past, I tended to live in the future. I daydreamed of a better life.

    I wanted more money, more adventure, and more time so I could be in the present moment. When I put it like that, it almost seems crazy, doesn’t it?

    (more…)

  • 7 Tips To Help You Slow Down and Enjoy Your Life As It Is

    7 Tips To Help You Slow Down and Enjoy Your Life As It Is

    “There is more to life than increasing its speed.” ~Gandhi

    I have always been a person who wants to be one step ahead. I think my parents would say that I liked to push the boundaries. I wanted to experience many things, and I wanted to experience them quickly.

    When my brother went to sleep-away camp, I had to go the next year despite being three years younger than him.

    At age thirteen I had to ski with the older kids, racing faster and harder than I was ready for.

    When I was fifteen I pushed to take a trip to Mexico with a friend despite my parents’ better judgment (and when I look back on this I realize I really was too young).

    In college I continued to push the limits. This seemed okay at the time because everyone was doing it.

    By the age of twenty-four I had broken away from the safety of my home state and moved myself out west and back again, living in some of the country’s most exciting places.

    I wouldn’t’ stay long though—two years here, one year there.

    I rushed through each amazing place, taking in as much as I could. I landed great jobs but didn’t stay long. I wanted more and I wanted change. What was I seeking?

    Two years ago life shifted for me, and I was forced to slow down a bit.

    I found myself in pursuit of a life-changing career. I became a teacher. I spend my days with nine year olds. Nothing makes you live in the moment like being surrounded my children. They require your complete presence and attention.

    I don’t think many would call the teaching profession a stress reliever, but I find it makes me slow down and appreciate every day.

    I also met a man who completely changed how I saw the world. He is older, and has experienced more of life than I have (not just in years, but in challenges and experiences I cannot imagine).

    He provides me with unconditional love. He loves my best and accepts my worst. He challenges me to look at the most difficult aspects of myself. I love him and cannot imagine life without him. 

    At times I still find myself speeding ahead through life. I see friends getting married and having children, and I know I want that too. I struggle to not want that immediately. 

    Here I am at age twenty-nine, two semesters away from a master’s degree, working at my dream job, living in a wonderful city, in a wonderful and loving relationship, and yet I am constantly seeking the next thing. When will I get married? Buy a house? Have kids?

    Why can’t I just live in the moment? Appreciate my life for what I have now?

    This is something I have been working on over the past six months and I have found a few steps that are helpful when I have that particular “rushed” feeling.

    1. Notice the small things.

    I live in a small but urban city on the coast. The other night my boyfriend and I came back to my parked car after dinner to find a praying mantis sitting in the middle my windshield. We both just stared in awe and surprise—where did it come from?

    I consider myself to be an open-minded skeptic when it comes to things like spirit animals, but I was not surprised to learn that praying mantis’ bring with them the idea of mindfulness and a reminder to slow down.

    2. Count your blessings and keep perspective.

    Chances are your life is pretty great. Yes, we all have struggles. But my “first world” problems are not life threatening, are they? Do I have an unsafe living situation? No. Do I struggle to find clean drinking water? Do I have a life-threatening illness? No and no.

    I have everything I need to survive (and more)—and I bet you do too.

    3. Do not compare.

    Things aren’t always what they seem. That friend who just got married may not be totally happy in her career. That couple that just bought a house might be feeling strapped financially. There are ups and downs to every situation.

    Trust that you are where you are supposed to be and that everything happens for a reason.

    4. Find joy.

    There is a lot of joy in each day; you just need to look for it. That toothless grin from a nine-year-old? Joy. Your cat pouncing on the nearest moving target? Joy. Leaves beginning to get their golden hue? Amazing. Pasta with homemade pesto? Awesome.

    There are simply amazing things that happen every single day. Just open your eyes.

    5. Control the controllables.

    This is something my boyfriend always says, and I really like it. Change what you can and don’t stress about the rest. You cannot change traffic but you can change how you react to it. So you have an extra ten minutes in the car? See it as down time.

    You cannot change others but you can change how you react to them. Your friend is late for dinner plans? Grab a beer and relax. Chances are it isn’t on purpose, and what is wrong with a little extra me-time?

    6. Live in the moment.

    I am a planner. I like to know when and where for pretty much everything that happens in my life. It is limiting, to say the least.

    For some reason I seem to think that making plans will decrease my anxiety. But you know what makes me really anxious? When plans change. The thing is, plans change all the time! Life happens and you cannot control it.

    Go with the flow. Plan only what you need to, and learn to take the day as it comes.

    7. Trust the universe.

    You don’t have to believe in a higher power for this one. You just have to notice all the good around you. There is proof right in front of you that things do turn out how they are supposed to. Find inspiration and hope in the happiness that surrounds you everyday.

  • The Zen of Writing: 7 Lessons About Living Wisely

    The Zen of Writing: 7 Lessons About Living Wisely

    “Logic will take you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.” ~Albert Einstein

    I feel grateful to be a writer not only because I love to write, but also because writing has been one of my greatest spiritual teachers. Challenges I face as a writer teach me important life lessons, just as life teaches me lessons I can apply to my writing.

    Here are seven spiritual lessons I’ve learned—some the hard way—that can apply to writing and to life in general.

    1. Be mindful.

    Showing up—really showing up with all your attention—is the first and most important step to writing well. The same might be said of living well—that is, living deeply and fully. Before all else, it’s a matter of showing up and being in the moment.

    You can’t expect to write well if you interrupt your writing process to surf the Internet or if your mind wanders to any number of things—usually thoughts that have to do with the past or the future, not the present.

    Just as you can’t expect to write well unless you bring your attention to the task at hand—the one sentence you’re writing—you can’t expect to be fully alive if your mind wanders away from the present moment.

    When you’re folding laundry, when you’re reading to your child, when you’re walking the dog, when you’re writing a sentence, that should be the only thing that matters.

    2. Take things one day at a time.

    You can’t write a novel in one day. You put in one day of mindful work, then another, then another, and the result—sometimes years later—might be a novel.

    While it’s useful to keep long-term goals in mind, getting too far ahead of yourself can stifle you in the present. I used to keep “to do” lists that included things I wouldn’t need to do for weeks and months, until I realized that I was much more peaceful—and productive—when my “to do” list was limited to just one day—the day I was living. (more…)

  • How to Maintain a Healthy Relationship When You’re Depressed

    How to Maintain a Healthy Relationship When You’re Depressed

    “Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun, like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.”  ~Fred Rogers

    When you’re depressed, your perception about many things changes—so how does this affect your relationships?

    I’m thinking about this today, because—drum roll, please—I’m a little depressed.

    Now, I’m not depressed in the suicidal “I want to drive off the road” kind of way, but in the far less dramatic but still deeply unpleasant “mild to moderate” kind of way.  

    For me, one of the most challenging aspects to feeling like this is that I don’t feel as connected as I normally do—with my friends, the world in general, and with my beautiful, kind, sweet, smart, sexy husband.

    And this isn’t specific to me; this is what depression is, a lack of feeling.

    When you’re depressed, you can’t access feelings of self-love. And since the love you feel for others is a reflection of the love you feel for yourself, this is why you feel disconnected.

    You have an intellectual understanding of the love you have for your girlfriend/mother/sister/boyfriend, but you can’t feel it as much as you normally do.

    Years ago, during a time when I was depressed, crying, and unhappy, a friend told me, “I can see you’re still feeling something, so you can’t be too depressed.”

    And it’s true. The more depressed you are, the quieter your heart is. It’s like a continuum.

    It’s not like you don’t have all the feelings in you; you just can’t feel them right now. Just in case you’re tempted to worry about not having feelings.

    And this can be a problem in a relationship. One day you’re connected to yourself, and therefore your partner too, and the next day you don’t feel connected to anything.

    When you’re depressed, you misread situations; you perceive others as being critical of you. (more…)

  • Tiny Buddha Book Holiday Giveaway, Week 1

    Tiny Buddha Book Holiday Giveaway, Week 1

    Update: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha for free daily or weekly emails and to learn about future giveaways!

    The Winners:

    To celebrate the holiday season, I’ve decided to do a series of giveaways for my book, Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions, which launched right around this time last year.

    If you’ve already learned about the book or purchased it, this post will be redundant for you! For those who haven’t read it, here’s a little information about it:

    This is the first book of its kind—with tweets woven throughout.

    I asked @tinybuddha followers a number of the most challenging questions in life, like:

    • Why is there suffering in the world?
    • What’s the meaning of life?
    • What does it take to be happy?
    • Why are relationships hard?

    Since there are very few concrete answers to the big questions, I wanted to explore many varied perspectives to create a guide of possibilities for joy, purpose, and connection.

    Although these tweets shaped the book, I also included a great deal of my own struggles, successes, and insights—far more than I’ve ever revealed on the blog. From my former battle with depression to my struggles with relationships, I shared how these questions have played out in my own life—and what I’ve learned at each step of the way.

    Through this book, you’ll learn a few ideas to:

    • Let go of pain from the past that’s been weighing you down and holding you back
    • Create a sense of purpose, starting right now, even if you’re not doing what you want to do professionally
    • Change habits that have not served you well and open up to new, better ways of being
    • Experience happiness right now, regardless of your circumstances
    • Improve your relationships
    • Seize the moment to live more mindfully, passionately, and fearlessly
    • Find a sense of control and empowerment in an uncertain world

    I will do 4 giveaways this month, 1 per week. I will choose 2 winners for each giveaway and mail all of 8 books together at the end of the month.

    To enter:

    • Leave a comment on this post.
    • Tweet: Tiny Buddha Book Holiday Giveaway: Comment and RT to enter! http://bit.ly/UoTLRW
    You can enter each giveaway once at any point during December, 2012. If you don’t have a Twitter account, you can enter by completing the first step only. If you’d like to purchase the book now, you can find it on Amazon or Barnes and Noble, or translated in Dutch at Bol.com.
  • How to Choose Peace Instead of Stressing About the Future

    How to Choose Peace Instead of Stressing About the Future

    “If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” ~Unknown

    I was entering a completely new stage in my life. It could have been the beginning of something great, but it was entirely foreign to me. I could handle being productive, I could handle struggling to survive, but what was hard to handle was wading through the unknown.

    After working for six months in Italy and six months in Brazil I was back in the US—floating. I didn’t feel any closer to having a career. I was without a car, job, and permanent housing. My boyfriend still lived in Brazil, and my friends were scattered around the globe.

    I didn’t yet have the answer for who I wanted to be or what I wanted to do.

    I had such high expectations for my return to the US. I had spent the last year working small jobs in Italy and Brazil like teaching English, being a personal assistant, and whatever freelance crumbs I could gather.

    I was sure coming back to my home country would give me the luxury of landing a job I would love with an international company. No such luck.

    So, for the first month I was helping my mom settle in her new apartment, and then I was on the other side of the country for two weeks to give some emotional support to my sister while she finished up her last semester of college.

    I was helping people make it through their daily processes. So far, that’s all the direction and answers I had.

    I was happy to be helpful and supportive of my loved ones, but to my goal-oriented mind, I felt like a failure.

    I was having trouble sleeping at night. I found myself awake in the wee hours of the morning, with thirteen tabs open, trying to research and apply for jobs while emailing contacts and just generally having a panic attack.

    The days were passing rapidly as I sat numbly pecking at my computer from dawn to dusk, without significant results and definitely no peace of mind. I was busy, but not productive.

    My mind was divided between trying to solidify my future and beating myself up for not having made a solid plan sooner. Would I ever be successful? What if I never found a job I liked? How could I live around the world and make money at the same time?

    I didn’t have answers and it was driving me crazy. I was in uncharted waters and I felt totally lost.  (more…)

  • Interview and Giveaway: A Spiritual Renegade’s Guide to the Good Life

    Interview and Giveaway: A Spiritual Renegade’s Guide to the Good Life

    Note: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha for free daily or weekly emails and to learn about future giveaways!

    The Winners:

    Though we may all have varied goals and paths, ultimately, we all have the same objective: happiness. It’s with this in mind that Buddhist monk Lama Marut wrote A Spiritual Renegade’s Guide to the Good Life.

    Through a series of meditations, exercises, and insights, he helps us overcome suffering and create contentment—two essential prerequisites to happiness.

    Playful and entertaining, A Spiritual Renegade’s Guide to the Good Life distills complex ideas into a light-hearted, easy-to-read manual for happiness and fulfillment.

    I’m grateful that Lama Marut took the time to answer some questions about the book, and also offered 5 books for Tiny Buddha readers.

    The Giveaway

    To enter to win 1 of 5 free copies of A Spiritual Renegade’s Guide to the Good Life:

    • Leave a comment below
    • Tweet: RT @tinybuddha Book GIVEAWAY & Interview: A Spiritual Renegade’s Guide to the Good Life http://bit.ly/TuAGfP

    If you don’t have a Twitter account, you can still enter by completing the first step. You can enter until midnight PST on Tuesday, December 4th.

    The Interview

    1. What inspired you to write A Spiritual Renegade’s Guide to the Good Life?

    I wanted to try to summarize—in ordinary, non-technical language—what I had learned over the years about living a life conducive to happiness. We are all driven by the desire to be happy, but I know in my own case that I spent a lot of time barking up many wrong trees before I found a method that really worked! (more…)

  • Create Better Days with Empowering Routines and Loving Rituals

    Create Better Days with Empowering Routines and Loving Rituals

    “We are what we repeatedly do.” ~Aristotle

    This past spring, I found myself floundering—stuck within an alternating cycle of feeling either overwhelmed or paralyzed.

    The combination of creative tasks and deadlines typically drives me with a strong sense of purpose and fulfillment. However, though I had both curriculum to produce and blog posts to write, I struggled to form sentences.

    Instead of filling pages with words and ideas, I consoled myself by eating chocolate and watching lots of bad TV.

    Needless to say, none of this was any help in boosting my productivity or pulling me out of the doldrums. It’s probably better not to discuss what it did to my waistline!

    When my partner’s business sent him to Europe for almost a month, I tagged along. I announced to my readers that I would be taking a modified digital sabbatical. Each morning, as my partner headed off to work, I headed out to nearby cafes armed with a pen and little notebook.

    As I put my thoughts to paper, I realized that I wasn’t depressed. The real truth was that I had fallen into a series of bad habits: email before meditation, vegging in front of the TV instead of riding my bike, and lunches at restaurants instead of healthy, homemade lunches. 

    I had totally forsaken one of the key tenets of living a life that I love: if you want an extraordinary life, you must have equally extraordinary routines and rituals.

    So often we feel stuck because we’re allowing life to simply happen around us. We feel overwhelmed because we are trying to squeeze as much as possible into each day, usually without a plan of any sort.

    We are stuck in habits that exacerbate our feelings of stagnation, and we allow our feelings of being overwhelmed to paralyze us.

    So, what is that we need? The twin powers of routine and ritual. Nourishing and supportive routines help frame our lives. Rituals remind us of our own sacredness, our desire to connect with our core, and our relationship with our higher power.

    The word “routine” can seem incredibly stiff and boring, but good routines are neither.

    Rather than stifling your creativity, routines are about managing your energy effectively in order to channel it toward your real desires and purpose. (more…)