Hi Alecsee:

What you’re describing sounds like emotional overload — when the feelings hit so quickly that your thoughts don’t have time to guide you. Many people go through this, especially after stressful experiences. It means your system gets overwhelmed fast.

When a person gets triggered, the emotional part of the brain takes over, and the thinking part goes offline. That’s why you say things you don’t mean or react faster than you can think. It’s not a character flaw; it’s a regulation issue, and it’s something that can be worked on.

Before deciding anything about the future, the first step is helping your nervous system settle; helping your emotions settle. When you’re calmer, you’ll see your options more clearly.

You didn’t “ruin everything.” You got overwhelmed. That’s human. And it’s something you can learn to manage with practice.

If you want, we can talk about what helps you stay grounded when emotions spike.

Anita

What to do? Try harder to do what you need to do?

I use to work at Walmart on the over night shift. Maintenance. When we had a white manager, I would be assigned the job of driving the cleaning machine around the floors. The machine would need to be filled with cleaning solution and water. It would clean the floor and squeeze the cleaning solution and then vacuum the fluids. When I had a Hispanic manager (I worked mostly with Hispanics workers), I would be assigned to clean the bathrooms. No one wanted to do the bathrooms. I didn’t like it but, it was the job and I needed the money for pay for the mortgage and food and etc. Kept my mouth shut and head down. Did the work. To me, it was about knowing what I had to do to keep my family happy (sheltered and fed). I did that job for about five years. Staying up after my shift to take my child to school and then waking up after a few hours to pick her up from school and then feeding her. Finally quit because I just couldn’t handle the effects the job was having on my health. Over worked and not enough sleep. I once fell asleep while I was driving to school to pick up my child.. It felt like a lifetime but was only about 5 to 10 seconds. Luckily I did not have an accident and everything was okay. So, I needed a change. Found a job at a supermarket. Lower pay but during the day. So, experience tough times? Yeah, I guess we all do. Hopefully things get better. Wish you well.