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She just wants to be friends…. help please

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  • This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 4 years ago by Inky.
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  • #342230
    Harrison
    Participant

    Hi everyone,

    I need help. I’ll try do the quick story, we were together for 6 years engaged for 2 of those. Fell in love early and where/are best friends, during this relationship I helped her out of severe depression over the first few years. Gave up studying to help her dreams/goals relating to fitness and competitions, worked jobs I hated to support her, purchased both cars she has owned, helped everyday with her anxiety, always encouraged her to do everything she ever wanted to do/try, never once questioned her intentionsions, supported her in getting her new friends but driving her to all her parties. I am so proud of the person she is and don’t ever feel bad/guilt her about how much I sacrificed for her.

    She recently competed in a bikini show in NZ and to put it lightly over the 9 months she was preparing for it I was doing her fitness routine with her, eating what she ate and helping her with everything towards it. This was to better understand what she was going through. During this time we were not intimate much at all due to her exhaustion and mental fatigue, I completely respected this and gave her all the distance she needed.

    After we came back from her show she kept saying her hormones where off and didnt want to be intimate much, so I gave her as much time and never pressured her. She recently started talking to another guy which I was fine with, they were always texting and spending time together. During this time things got rocky between us and she wasnt sure she wanted to be with me anymore. I naturally got paranoid so checked her messages and found out she made out with him and was texting him how badly she wanted to have sex with him.

    Then she gave back the ring and said she wanted to be just friends with me without giving me a chance to fix it, without any notice as she said it was an accident and never meant it. She says she just wants to be friends as she doesnt see us being intimate again and basically said it was my fault. She then moved out within 3 weeks of this, we were living in my parents investment property so I moved back into home will she continued living there.

    I am struggling entirely as I still love this girl with all my heat after everything we have been through, but I cannot just be her friend. I have tried being just a friend for a few weeks now and it is mentally killing me, I even helped her move out of the house just to show her I still love her, I have written countless letters and given flowers multiple times during this week apologising.

    Basically I just want to know everyones opinions on what I should do, she is trying to push me into the friendzone but I find it unfair after everything. I am so so confused. I apologize for the long post, I needed to get it out as everyday I am checking my phone for messages, checking her Instagram just to see what she is doing and writing multiple messages a day then deleting them.

     

    Thanks everyone I really need help

    Harry

    #342462
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Harry:

    I want to understand better, therefore I ask:

    You wrote that after she broke up with you, following years where you sacrificed so much for this woman, having spent so much money, time and energy on her , it was you who has apologized to her, most recently (“I have written countless letters and given flowers multiple times during this week apologizing”)-

    I don’t understand: what is it that you apologized for?

    anita

    #342474
    Valora
    Participant

    Hi Harry,

    I am also wondering about what Anita asked, and in addition, what did she do for you?  The way it’s written, your relationship is looking very one-sided, with you giving up everything and doing all of these things to make her life better. Had she done the same for you as well or has it just always been you putting in all of the effort?

    Either way, I would not be friends with her. I would stop talking to her completely. For one thing, she cannot miss you if you’re still always available and chasing after her. Also, if you cannot stop yourself from checking all of her social media, it might be best to block her until you heal a bit.

    #342480
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Harrison,

    Remember the song, “I want it all or nothing at all”? There’s a lyric in there that says, “I’ve had the rest of you now I want the best of you I don’t care if that’s not fair”.

    Not only did she break your heart and engagement BUT she probably had an encounter with that other dude (who is bad in bed I’m sure!) but she wants you to be friends and you’re apologizing to her!

    NO!

    This is so nuts that this relationship is now Pass/Fail. All or Nothing. Tell her that if you cannot be her husband (please don’t) then you cannot be her friend.

    One day you will find the true love of your life, be wildly successful with a handsome brood of children and she will stalk you on social media wondering if she was the one that got away. Her only consolation.

    Best,

    Inky

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