Dear Caroline:

A good mother would want and encourage her daughter to become capable and reasonably-powerful in life. I am sorry, Caroline, that your mother- like mine and so many others’- belongs to the bad-mother club.

“Last week she asked me whether I work for American managers. I said yes, those are my managers. I saw something weird in her eyes.. admire perhaps, but different, mixed with.. envy, I think. Immediately she changed subject like she got scared of her own thoughts or.. getting deeper into the subject. But I don’t understand. She would like to brag about my success, money etc. in front of other people. But she’s afraid of it somehow“- Best I can figure is that (1) she likes to brag about herself (as a mother, in this case) for producing a professionally/ monetarily successful daughter. Her bragging is not about her appreciating you. It is about seeking the appreciation of the people she is bragging to, wanting them to think highly of her.

(2) What you saw in her eyes is impossible for me to know, of course Maybe she was thinking something like: I wish I could work for American managers (having images in her mind of herself working for American managers, maybe images taken from a movie or a television program), followed by her thinking something like: but I am too old/ unqualified to work for American managers, followed by: Caroline is young and qualified, followed by envy, followed by… some thought that scared her..

When angry at you in the past, or still: what does she say or do to you?

anita

How are you, Caroline? Did you make a choice regarding work?

anita

Congratulations, Caroline,  for having made the decision!

anita

You are welcome, Caroline. What I am reading in your last 2 of 3 sentences is courage. Think of preparing for the difficulties you expect to have, practically prepare, best you can.

anita

Hi Caroline,

Im sorry youre experiencing this. Making decisions like this can be so challenging. And it sounds like you feel a lot of  pressure to make the right decision. That is very stressful.

Firstly, I want to tell you, everything is going to be ok. No matter what you choose, you will be alright, you will be safe, and you will support yourself. No matter what you choose, you can figure out how to make it work for you. And even if it doesn’t, you will figure out how to change things. You are capable and resourceful. You reached out for help here, that is amazing! 🙂

I know you feel very stressed out about this. Since you currently have a job, it can be helpful to allow yourself to take a  break from thinking bout your problem.

Make time to do something creative for yourself, put on your favourite music, make some jewelry, do a collage, draw a picture, put together cute outfits, whatever pulls your mind off of this subject.

What you re experiencing is a natural expression of anxiety. You have a choice to make and your mind wants to solve this problem. But when you cant solve it and youre going in circles, this is called rumination.

The best way to stop ruminating is to do another activity that gets your mind off of it. A creative outlet is an excellent way to vent feelings, and to give yourself some love. It can e helpful to come at it from a fresh perspective. So even though it may be hard, take a break from your problem.

Once youve gotten some head space, ask yourself.

-if someone I really loved and cared about, someone whose happiness I was very invested in was experiencing this, what would I tell them to do?

-Consider their sleep, their lifestyle, their goals and priorities.

-If the person you love has to choose something they dont fully love, how could you help them (yourself) to have a good life none-the-less.

Lastly, Caroline, no job has to last forever. You can always stay where you are and keep looking, or you can take the new one and keep an eye out for something that makes you happier. You’re gonna be alright 🙂

You deserve to be happy. And remember, it’s okay to change your mind, youre not stupid and theres nothing bad about you. You’re just making a big decision, and that can be hard. But thats ok.

Everything really will be alright Caroline 🙂

-I am a mental health worker and have gone through my own fair share of challenges with indecision. I find the best way to make a decision is always to consider what will make you happiest and healthiest. Make your decision with love. You deserve it