Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Passing clouds
- This topic has 67 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 2 months, 3 weeks ago by
anita.
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May 28, 2024 at 11:42 am #433219
Zenith
ParticipantSometimes it feels like i have to reparent myself first when i am parenting my kid.I tell my kiddo others opinion doesnt matter and how people react is beyond your control.But its hard for me to follow.I have become so higly sensitive.
May 28, 2024 at 11:42 am #433220Zenith
ParticipantSorry for the rant.
May 28, 2024 at 12:09 pm #433222anita
ParticipantDear Zenith:
That wasn’t a rant, only 10 sentences (I counted, lol). Good thing you don’t suppress yourself at home and with your parents. You said that you will spend most of your time in India with your parents. Is this still the plan? That would make your visit a less suppressive/ more expressive, way better for your health!
“It’s just when I am with my in laws and co workers or with new people“- I remember that you shared about the rich relatives who used to criticize your parents who were poor, a long time ago. I wonder if you are projecting your very critical and rude relatives into your in-laws, as in re-experiencing your critical relatives when you are spending time with your in-laws (who may be rich too, like the relatives?)
“I tell my kiddo others’ opinion doesn’t matter and how people react is beyond your control. But its hard for me to follow. I have become so highly sensitive“- if you found a way to lessen this sensitivity.. to calm it down enough so that you can follow your own advice..
anita
May 28, 2024 at 2:04 pm #433227Zenith
ParticipantMy in laws are not that rich.In india the husband and in laws are considered more than a wifes family. Hence the mother in laws feel that they have control over their daughter in laws. I dont even have the choice to wear what i want. I should not wear shorts in front of my on laws. I have to dress certain way. Some indians are still regressive when it comes to a woman when compared to usa. I am ok with clothing but i hate the fact that i have to supress my personality in front of them.
May 28, 2024 at 5:29 pm #433231anita
ParticipantDear Zenith:
“I should not wear shorts in front of my on laws. I have to dress certain way… I hate the fact that I have to suppress my personality in front of them.“- think of it this way, if you will: here in the U.S., where you live, you still have to suppress your personality in regard to what you wear, depending on the place you are in: you can wear a bikini to the swimming pool, but not to the supermarket; you go for a jog wearing sweats, but not to a party; certain restaurants have dress codes… so you/ we all adjust to the place we’re in. And so, you adjust to your in-laws’ home by wearing long pants in their home/ in their company.
Prepare for your visit in India, prepare your reactions to different scenarios. That will make it easier for you, once you are there.
“I hate…”- Try to not hate anyone or anything because your hate hurts you: it’s unnecessary suffering for you. And I wouldn’t want you to suffer when it’s .. optional, when you don’t have to!
anita
May 30, 2024 at 9:34 am #433304Zenith
ParticipantThats so true. The hatred towards others is effecting me the most.
May 30, 2024 at 9:50 am #433305anita
ParticipantDear Zenith:
When you Notice that you feel hatred toward another person, Pause (as in pushing the brakes on the hating), Address the situation, asking yourself: is there a situational problem that requires me to do/ say something to someone, or is it just a rumination? Next, Respond: say/ do what needs to be said/ done (if there is a situational problem), and say to yourself: “The hatred towards others is affecting me the most” (your own words, from your most recent post), and lastly Redirect your attention elsewhere.
I call it the NPARR Strategy. It might help you once you are in India, and you can practice it there and beforehand.
anita
May 30, 2024 at 10:05 am #433308Zenith
ParticipantThanks for the input Anita. I will try my best to follow this strategy.
May 30, 2024 at 10:15 am #433309anita
ParticipantYou are welcome, Zenith!
anita
May 30, 2024 at 10:33 am #433311Zenith
ParticipantHow are you doing ?
May 30, 2024 at 10:55 am #433312anita
ParticipantI am okay, about to shower and go outside, do some work under the sun.
anita
May 30, 2024 at 11:12 am #433313anita
ParticipantDear Zenith:
And how are you feeling one day (I just realized) before the long flight? (I’ll be back to the computer in a few hours).
anita
May 30, 2024 at 2:21 pm #433323Zenith
ParticipantI am feeling excited and nervous at the same time.
May 30, 2024 at 6:07 pm #433331anita
ParticipantDear Zenith:
Nervous and excited..: May you find Calm to lessen the nervousness and the excitement, one moment, one hour, one day at a time, so that you can manage to have as good a visit as you can have. Remember NPARR. Have safe travels and a good visit!
anita
June 5, 2024 at 4:42 pm #433521Zenith
ParticipantHey Anita..We reached India safely and I started thinking already .On top of that I have I have jetlag so unable to sleep through the night.Yesterday was my kids birthday and I wanted to decorate a certain way so asked my husband for help.He then asked his father how we should do it and involved him.He did the entire decoration his way and i stayed out of it out as i dont like his involvement.I asked my husbands help to help me with my kid.He said ok but then his father was going outside and he told me he wanted to help his father and he told me take care of the kiddo.When i insisted him that i need his help he helped me to some extent and then left.On top of that his grandmother is commenting about the way i was dressesd.I wore an indian wear but she wanted me to wear a saree which i dont like.I said no.Then she insisted to wear a scarf to cover my breast.I was dressed modestly witha full length top but she still expects me dress like the way she wants to and my husband didnt say anything.She doesnt even leave me kid.She wants my kid to wear certain things.My kiddo is finding hard to adjust on top of that her constant judgements.She even commented on my certain things i did.If she was my grand mom i would have told her on her face.I kept quiet because talking back to elders is wrong in my in laws house.Its just me ranting.As usual my husband is a mans child and i hate it.I have to deal with this shit one more week.So i am just ranting.
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