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  • February 12, 2026 at 3:14 pm #455157
    Alessa
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    I understand why you feel the way you feel and respect it. 🤍

    I’m just a different person and see things differently. I’ve been on a quest to forgive my mother for 10 years. Now, I’m starting to think that I forgave her when I said goodbye. But forgiving someone doesn’t stop memories from hurting. Maybe the underlying goal was to stop hurting. That isn’t how life works though.

    How I feel is not a commentary on your experience though. Our journeys are very personal. Your thoughts and feelings are valid. 🤍

    You have been through a lot and you deserve to handle things in a way that makes you comfortable. 🤍

    If I can forgive my mother and I can forgive my rapist, I think I need to work on being a lot kinder to myself because I’m not being fair to myself.

    February 12, 2026 at 3:15 pm #455158
    Alessa
    Participant

    Dear Tommy

    Thank you for the beautiful song! I listened to it for the second time in my life. You have excellent taste in music. 🩵 😊

    February 12, 2026 at 4:26 pm #455165
    Thomas168
    Participant

    Dear Alessa,

    It was a song that gave me time to think of something else than my own problems at the time. So, I thought it was interesting that this thread brought this memory up. Thank you. Glad you liked it. Music helps set moods.

    February 12, 2026 at 8:10 pm #455170
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Alessa:

    Yes, I agree. Our journeys are very personal, and your thoughts and feelings, Alessa, are VALID!

    Forgiveness- I read some time ago that it means no longer being angry at the perpetrator, no longer hating the perpetrator.

    I am no longer angry at my mother. I know longer hate her. And, at the same time, I don’t want to spend any more time empathizing with her.

    I wish you the best on your very personal journey, Alessa. I think very well of you 🙏👍, I am rooting for you!

    🤍🙏🤍 Anita

    February 12, 2026 at 8:12 pm #455171
    anita
    Participant

    * I no longer hate her

    February 13, 2026 at 12:17 pm #455176
    Alessa
    Participant

    Dear Tommy

    I’m glad to hear that music helps you! 🩵

    Yes, I’m only really starting to explore the impact of music on mood. Any recommendations are welcome. 🙏

    February 13, 2026 at 12:26 pm #455177
    Alessa
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    Thank you! 🙏 That is honestly fair! 🤍

    I think the reason I had difficulty with anger is because my mother didn’t feel comfortable letting us express or process anger. She would get violent if we did. I learned to express sadness instead and keep anger locked deep inside. I became uncomfortable with expressing it.

    Empathy is part of my experience because I’m a parent. Sometimes there are difficult moments that make me understand more about her challenges as a parent.

    I am sure we will both do wonderfully on our respective journeys. I can wait to see how things evolve. 😊 🤍

    February 13, 2026 at 4:12 pm #455209
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Alessa:

    I appreciate 🙏 your optimism and nuance. I think that I understand why feeling empathy for your bio is indeed part of your healing ✨️ journey.

    I think that you’re doing a great 👍 job healing!

    Anger growing up- I remember it vividly when I was a teenager. It was so difficult to hold it in. I think it vibrated through me in the form of tics.

    I was SO ANGRY 😠 😡 👿

    Thank you for being here, Alessa, and thank you for being you 🤍 💙 🤍

    🤍🙏✨️👍 Anita

    July 6, 2026 at 2:49 pm #459233
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Tee

    Sorry I hope I didn’t bother you by sending the @. I can not do it in the future if you prefer. I just saw that SereneWolf’s message was sitting for a while and know that you are not always online here. I thought it would be nice for you to see her message because it was a celebration. 🩵

    Sorry it took me a while to write back too. It’s been a bit busy and I think our discussions are a bit close to home for me. Not in a bad way, I’m just not always in the headspace for soul searching these days. I do still really value your messages and our conversations though. Moving our little chat here because I don’t want to take over SereneWolf’s thread. You guys have a special connection. 🩵

    I agree, but the only difficulty might be when different people have vastly different needs. In that situation someone always loses.

    That’s fair, I was just using temper as an example. 😊

    For sure, yeah. I think it can be difficult for people who are involved in situations like that with people. It’s definitely a choice, to carry the weight of these things. Life is complicated. It’s really tricky when trauma compounds as well. 🩵

    Always thinking of you Tee! I’m sorry to hear that health issues are a perpetual issue. You’re a strong woman. Wishing you all the best. 🙏

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