- This topic has 202 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 1 month, 2 weeks ago by
anita.
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February 12, 2026 at 3:14 pm #455157
AlessaParticipantDear Anita
I understand why you feel the way you feel and respect it. π€
Iβm just a different person and see things differently. Iβve been on a quest to forgive my mother for 10 years. Now, Iβm starting to think that I forgave her when I said goodbye. But forgiving someone doesnβt stop memories from hurting. Maybe the underlying goal was to stop hurting. That isnβt how life works though.
How I feel is not a commentary on your experience though. Our journeys are very personal. Your thoughts and feelings are valid. π€
You have been through a lot and you deserve to handle things in a way that makes you comfortable. π€
If I can forgive my mother and I can forgive my rapist, I think I need to work on being a lot kinder to myself because Iβm not being fair to myself.
February 12, 2026 at 3:15 pm #455158
AlessaParticipantDear Tommy
Thank you for the beautiful song! I listened to it for the second time in my life. You have excellent taste in music. π©΅ π
February 12, 2026 at 4:26 pm #455165
Thomas168ParticipantDear Alessa,
It was a song that gave me time to think of something else than my own problems at the time. So, I thought it was interesting that this thread brought this memory up. Thank you. Glad you liked it. Music helps set moods.
February 12, 2026 at 8:10 pm #455170
anitaParticipantDear Alessa:
Yes, I agree. Our journeys are very personal, and your thoughts and feelings, Alessa, are VALID!
Forgiveness- I read some time ago that it means no longer being angry at the perpetrator, no longer hating the perpetrator.
I am no longer angry at my mother. I know longer hate her. And, at the same time, I don’t want to spend any more time empathizing with her.
I wish you the best on your very personal journey, Alessa. I think very well of you ππ, I am rooting for you!
π€ππ€ Anita
February 12, 2026 at 8:12 pm #455171
anitaParticipant* I no longer hate her
February 13, 2026 at 12:17 pm #455176
AlessaParticipantDear Tommy
Iβm glad to hear that music helps you! π©΅
Yes, Iβm only really starting to explore the impact of music on mood. Any recommendations are welcome. π
February 13, 2026 at 12:26 pm #455177
AlessaParticipantDear Anita
Thank you! π That is honestly fair! π€
I think the reason I had difficulty with anger is because my mother didnβt feel comfortable letting us express or process anger. She would get violent if we did. I learned to express sadness instead and keep anger locked deep inside. I became uncomfortable with expressing it.
Empathy is part of my experience because Iβm a parent. Sometimes there are difficult moments that make me understand more about her challenges as a parent.
I am sure we will both do wonderfully on our respective journeys. I can wait to see how things evolve. π π€
February 13, 2026 at 4:12 pm #455209
anitaParticipantDear Alessa:
I appreciate π your optimism and nuance. I think that I understand why feeling empathy for your bio is indeed part of your healing β¨οΈ journey.
I think that you’re doing a great π job healing!
Anger growing up- I remember it vividly when I was a teenager. It was so difficult to hold it in. I think it vibrated through me in the form of tics.
I was SO ANGRY π π‘ πΏ
Thank you for being here, Alessa, and thank you for being you π€ π π€
π€πβ¨οΈπ Anita
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 