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no communication skills + low self esteem

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  • August 5, 2019 at 8:29 am #306637
    Peggy
    Participant

    Hello Carla,

    You were attracted to John because of the feelings of safety he was able to give you.  He is happy to provide for you and take his share of the housekeeping duties (I assume you are living together).  However, now you are comfortable together you are wanting to open up more and discuss your needs.  Communication is a two way street.  Does he tell you he loves you?

    To work on your own self-esteem you need to write down a list of all your good qualities.  It’s OK to sing your own praises in the privacy of your own space and no, it is not big headed.  Add to the list as soon as something else occurs to you and repeat the words to yourself over and over again.  The more you believe in yourself and your own abilities, the less needy you become.

    That’s where you start – with your “I AM” list until you become comfortable with your own character – then you will know what you have to offer and that you are someone worth knowing and loving.

    Peggy

     

    August 5, 2019 at 9:05 am #306645
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Carla,

    Do you simply *feel* unattractive or do you actually *think* you are unattractive?

    For one thing, exercise! I don’t care if it’s just walking around the block. It’s good to keep the body moving. You will look more toned, have a healthy glow, and FEEL better! (Those endorphins!)

    Cook good food, and no junk. Eat in more than eating out. Three good meals, no more, no less.

    And anyone can look CUTE. Less is more, anyway. Highlights, makeup, a nice top, jewelry and/or a spritz of perfume.

    Not to sound shallow, but I totally get the whole you want your guy to be proud of you thing, especially if it’s a new relationship!

    Flylady dot net is a great website for getting your household under control. It’s all about habits and routines!

    Make your money, save some, and invest some! Live within your means and watch that money grow! Sooner than you think YOU will be his financial peer!

    Finally, if it’s his first relationship, don’t be surprised if there’s a relationship “freak out” from him one day. With or without him, you will be fine.

    All the Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by Inky.
    August 5, 2019 at 11:55 am #306709
    Mark
    Participant

    Carla,

    I wonder about how satisfying such a relationship can be in the long run.  You say both of you cannot really talk about things of substance, like what you want from the relationship or if you two disagree on something or if there is a conflict between you two.  It takes two to communicate.

    I would give couples counseling a try so you two learn ways of communicating and for those other questions you have about how to get you want you need.

    Mark

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